Author: fasted86

Briefly. 

Trivia #1: Who has never been a member at Augusta National? – Warren Buffet, Roger Goodell, Lou Holtz, David Stern, Condoleezza Rice, Bill Gates, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Lynn Swann

Trivia #2: Who was the first Celtic inducted into the NBA Naismith Memorial Hall of Fame? 

For the third time in eight days – and second time in 24 hours – Chinese public health officials made changes Friday to their criteria for counting coronavirus cases, once again sowing confusion over the widely fluctuating figures. A handful of Chinese prisons reported nearly 500 new cases, a significant portion of more than 1,100 new cases reported in mainland China on Friday – and a marked increase after several days of declines. 

While the Bruins and Celtics are more than likely to be in the playoffs, you have to like/love the Bruins chances. The Celtics are just probably two years away. The Bruins, of course needing Tuukka/Halak to stay hot, have as a good a chance as any team in the NHL. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Fred Lee tweeted that his brother and his partner named their daughters SaTiva and Indica – two types of cannabis plant. 

John Henry you prick. Don’t insult our intelligence and try to tell us that the Mookie deal wasn’t driven by finances. 

Huey Lewis, of Hampton Beach Casino Fame, has Meniere’s disease, an inner-ear disorder related to dizziness and hearing loss. He actually lost most of the hearing in his right ear in the mid-80’s, but was able to carry on. Now he says, “I can’t hear the notes.” 

Headline of the week: “Let’s Call Them the Houston Asterisks*” 

How drunk, hungover, desperate do you need to be to purchase a sausage breakfast biscuit at a gas station? 

It’s been 40 years since the ‘Miracle on Ice.’ If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie, do so – this weekend! New York has earmarked over $100 million toward Lake Placid in the last couple of years for new facilities and improving existing ones. Governor Andrew Coumo touts the investment as ways to promote tourism, economic growth and job creation. Said Coumo, “It’s a shame that the state and a lot of places in this country don’t understand how beautiful this gem is because it is internationally special.” 

I dabble now and again in philanthropic causes and this is one of the best lines I’ve seen related to such – “You must be strong enough to engage with those of goodwill with whom you passionately disagree.” 

Bye-bye Brock Holt. Another one of my favorites. He signed with the Brewers for a pedestrian amount of $3.25M. Really? I’m still going to Opening Day but I may go into the ballpark solely to ‘boo’ John Henry. 

Add Chaka Khan’s Sunday night rendition of the National Anthem at the NBA All-Star game as one of the worst ever. 

R.I.P. Tony Fernandez (57) – Tony played 17 season in MLB and was on the 1993 World Champion Toronto Blue Jays team. He finished with 2,276 career hits, a .288 batting average and four Gold Gloves. DYK, I played whiffleball with Fernandez in a 1995 fundraising exhibition.

Trivia #1: Who has never been a member at Augusta National? – Warren Buffet, Roger Goodell, Lou Holtz, David Stern, Condoleezza Rice, Bill Gates, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Lynn Swann – David Stern

Trivia #2: Who was the first Celtic inducted into the NBA Naismith Memorial Hall of Fame? – “Easy” Ed Macauley 

“DC, San Antone and the Liberty Town, Boston and Baton Rouge
Tulsa, Austin, Oklahoma City, Seattle, San Francisco, too
Everywhere there’s music, real live music, bands with a million styles
But it’s still that same old rock and roll music
That really really drives ‘em wild” 

– Huey Lewis & The News

Briefly.

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Customers at four U.S. Burger King locations (LA, San Fran, Boston and New York) will today be able to trade a photo of their ex for a free Whopper. 

Trivia #1: What country has the most golf courses per capita?

Trivia #2: What NHL player was the first to score a full-strength, power play, short-handed, penalty shot and open net goal in the same game? Mario Lemieux, Gordie Hull, Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky, Rocket Richard, Mike Bossy? 

Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some storms come to clear a path. 

The Toronto Raptors 15-game winning streak has ended. They enter the all-star break on a one-game losing streak. 

Did you hear this? Houston Astros’ owner Jim Crane claims that stealing signs (notifying batters of the oncoming pitch) didn’t impact games. If that is the case, then why bother having signs? What a fraud. 

Congratulations to Haverhill’s own Jordan Harris who scored in double OT for the Northeastern Huskies in capturing the Beanpot Championship. One local hockey aficionado predicts Jordan will be playing in the NHL by year’s end. He is currently with the Canadians. 

Tim Tebow news for the week. Six years ago the Tim Tebow Foundation started ‘Night to Shine’ where kids and adults with disabilities celebrate prom night and each guest is crowned king or queen of the prom. Last Friday over 110,000 took part in 720 churches in 34 countries. 

A gust of 209 mph was recorded atop California’s Kirkwood Mountain on Sunday. This was during a storm that caused widespread flooding in Washington and Oregon, and brought 5-foot waves on Lake Tahoe. 

What a steal by Marcus Smart last Sunday, sealing the victory over da thunda. 

Speaking of the Celtics… is it me or is it a total head-scratcher that they are going to retire Kevin Garnett’s number? Don’t get me wrong, I was a big Garnett fan but, retire his number??? 

Whatever I do drunk is none of my business! 

Headline of the week, seen in the Boston Globe yesterday: “Sox, blessedly, take the field” 

Andrew Benentendi is not a leadoff hitter. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Three high school athletes in CT, along with their families, filed a federal lawsuit Wednesday to prevent transgender athletes from competing in girls track and field meets, arguing that biologically male athletes have a physical advantage. (Duh!) 

Back to the “Jeter was the greatest shortstop” argument. Really? DYK, after being traded to the Cubs in 2004, Nomar Garciaparra suffered through years of injuries and never again played more than 122 games in a season. In his the prior seven seasons with the Red Sox, Nomar batted .325 with a .372 on base average, slugged .557 and averaged 24 homeruns. In Jeter’s first eight seasons, he batted .318 with a .390 on base average, slugged .462 and averaged 16 homeruns. 

Speaking of the Red Sox, they play one week from today. 

The more I watch the NBA the more I am done with it. (I may have mentioned this in the past) 

Not only did David Pastrnak score a hat trick the other night against the Canadians, but the Bruins beat the Canadians! 

May the wings of liberty never lose a feather. 

Mookie for Jeter Downs, named after Derek Jeter and thrown into the Mookie trade. “He could be ready for the big leagues as early as the second half of 2020.” He’s a shortstop! Does that mean Bogaerts will be shipped down to Triple A? Idiots. 

A jet stream accelerated by Storm Ciara last weekend aided a passenger plane en route from JFK Airport to London. The trip took 4 hours and 56 minutes breaking the previous record of 5 hours and 13 minutes. The average flight time for such a trip is 6 hours and 13 minutes. 

We turn the clocks ahead in 22 days. 

R.I.P. Jolene Archambault Dodier (50) – What a sweetheart! Too quick, too soon. 

Trivia #1 answer: What country has the most golf courses per capita? – Scotland

Trivia #2: What NHL player was the first to score a full-strength, power play, short-handed, penalty shot and open net goal in the same game? Mario Lemieux, Gordie Hull, Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky, Rocket Richard, Mike Bossy? – Mario Lemieux (New Year’s Eve, 1988) 

“To thrill you with delight
I’ll give you diamonds bright
They’ll be things that will excite
To make you dream of me tonight

(For your love)
(For your love)
(For your love)” 

– The Yardbirds

Briefly. 

Trivia #1: Who were the last three non-quarterback MVPs in Super Bowl history? Bonus if you get them in order – Deion Branch, Von Miller, Santonio Holmes, Julian Edelman, Dexter Jackson, Hines Ward, Malcolm Smith

Trivia #2: Who was born Issur Danielovitch? 

Yes, Patrick Mahommes led an epic comeback on way to the Chiefs’ Super Bowl victory last Sunday. Still, the MVP of the game, had the worst statistical game ever for an MVP quarterback. The league was too chicken to give the honor to Damien Williams, the real MVP. 

Smuggling drugs, you’re doing it wrong. Two men were arrested on the Florida Panhandle and charged with trafficking in methamphetamine and GHB, three counts of possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. Authorities found 75 grams of methamphetamine, 1.36 kilograms of date-rape drug GHB, 1 gram of cocaine, 3.6 grams of fentanyl, 15 MDMA tablets and drug paraphernalia. The men were in a car traveling 95 mph and all drugs and paraphernalia were in a bag labeled “Bag Full of Drugs.” 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Dramatic video is out there of a junior varsity basketball coach at a high school in New Jersey being assaulted by members of his own team after getting off the bus following a game. Are you kidding me? Imagine what would have happened back in the day? Heck, our own fathers would have kicked the crap out of us, regardless of whatever reason we gave. 

Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna will be memorialized on February 24, 2/24, commemorating his #24 and the number his daughter wore, #2. 

Speaking of basketball, the number of NBA players who miss games due to “injury” is laughable against that statistic in the NHL. 

The XFL kicks off (again) tomorrow with their eight teams facing off against one another. They will play a 10-game schedule, assuming the league lasts that long. 

I see you have graph paper, you must be plotting something. 

Big names move on at the NBA trade deadline: Andre Drummond, Andrew Wiggins, D’Angelo Russell, Andre Iguodala and finally, Haverhill’s own Noah Vonleh. Some guys are just career journeymen and guarantee this is not Vonleh’s last stop. Since being drafted 9^th overall in 2014, Noah has played in Charlotte, Portland (two separate stints), Chicago, New York, Minnesota and now Denver. 

Mookie Betts, gonna miss ya. Of course with any trade there are two schools of thought. I’m with the “pay him” school. Regardless of what you argue about the financial gains and potential for the Red Sox future, they are a less team today and just traded away one of the best players in baseball… in years. BTW, I will still be in attendance on Opening Day. 

Now I was a big Jerry Rice fan growing up but really, Jerry. No one wants to hear you whine about the officiating during the Super Bowl. Especially when you complain that your former team got screwed. 

The NHL is whacky. Thanks to the OT column in the standings, as of yesterday 25 of the 31 NHL teams W/L records are .500 or better! Huh? 

Shake-up the B’s top line??? I think the talk of breaking up Bergeron, Pastrnak and Marchand have finally ceased. Thankfully. 

Love him or hate him Adam Sandler, who of course grew up in Manchester, NH, has reached a deal with Netflix to make four new movies. 

R.I.P. Joe Vandever Sr. (96) – One of the last Navajo code talkers who transmitted top secret messages during World War II using Native American languages.

R.I.P. Kirk Douglas (103) – actor extraordinaire. Douglas never won an Academy Award but was nominated three times and had a lengthy, noteworthy career. 

Trivia #1 answer: Who were the last three non-quarterback MVPs in Super Bowl history? Bonus if you get them in order – Deion Branch, Von Miller, Santonio Holmes, Julian Edelman, Dexter Jackson, Hines Ward, Malcolm Smith – Julian Edelman – Patriots (LIII), Von Miller – Denver (L), Malcolm Smith – Seattle (XLVIII)

Trivia #2 answer: Who was born Issur Danielovitch? – Kirk Douglas 

“I walked forty-seven miles of barbed wire, I got a cobra snake for a necktie
A brand new house on the road side, and it’s made out of rattlesnake hide
Got a brand new chimney put on top, and it’s made outta human skull
Come on take a little walk with me baby, and tell me who do you love?” 

– George Thorogood and the Destroyers

Briefly. 

I was correctly reminded that Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door was covered by Eric Clapton, written by Bob Dylan. Ya, so? 

I also left out the answer to a trivia question last week: On May 13, 2013 the Boston Bruins defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs 5-4 in OT in the first-round of the playoffs. The game was chosen as the NHL’s game of the decade. Midway through the third period Toronto was leading 4-1 before their complete collapse. Boston’s Nathan Horton, Milan Lucic and Patrice Bergeron all scored to send the game into overtime. Who scored the game-winner? – Patrice Bergeron 

As coach Norman Dale (Gene Hackman) once said “I apologize for nothing.” 

Trivia #1: How many touchbacks have there been to start the Super Bowl in the last 26 years? – 0, 2, 7, 15, 20, 25

Trivia #2: Where did Dante Scarnecchia NOT coach? – New England Patriots, Northern Arizona, SMU, Iowa St, Oregon St, California Western, Indianapolis Colts

Trivia #3: Where was Super Bowl I played? – LA Coliseum, Tulane Stadium, Orange Bowl, Rose Bowl, Trinity Stadium

Trivia #4: Who was the headliner of the first Super Bowl halftime show? – Elvis Presley, Ella Fitzgerald, Ray Charles, the Three Stooges, Metallica 

AD/HD – On the highway to hey look, a squirrel! 

Quote for the week: “No matter how much you’ve won, no matter how many games, no matter how many championships, no matter how many Super Bowls, you’re not winning now, so you stink.” – Bill Parcells 

KC – 41, San Fran – 38 

God gave men balls just so they could bust each other’s. 

Coronavirus update: As of yesterday the death toll rose to 170 with a total of 7,711 infected. Over the prior 24 hours, 38 new deaths and 1,737 new infected cases were reported. Roughly 99 percent of the new cases have appeared in China and the virus has been reported in at least 16 countries globally. Let me repeat, this virus has nothing to do with drinking Corona! 

Pitchers and catchers (and managers??) report in 12 days. 

Who are these people? New York University law professor Lily Batchelder estimates that Americans will inherit $764 billion this year. 

Remaining on that theme, Mackenzie Bezos, former wife of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, recently sold $37M worth of the Amazon shares she was awarded in the couple’s settlement. Her remaining shares are worth approximately $37B (with a “B”). Unlike her ex-husband, Mackenzie has signed the giving pledge of Bill Gates and Warren Buffet promising to donate half of her wealth over her life or in her will. Good for her, I say. 

Welcome back (to the Red Sox) Mitch “Mitchy Twobags” Moreland. 

Leaving your legacy, you’re doing it wrong. Andrea Grocer, 51, is known as a serial pooper after being arrested and charged with eight counts of wanton destruction of property after a Natick, MA police officer said he saw her defecating outside the Natick Outdoor Store. 

I really like Mike Gorman, Celtics play-by-play guy for many, many years. However, the other night he had a line for the ages as they headed into a commercial break: “As you know, a 10-point game in the NBA is well, a 10-point game.” 

Celebrating, you’re doing it wrong. A 60-year old woman has choked to death on a lamington — Australia’s national cake — during an eating competition to celebrate the country’s national day. 

Negative effects of smoking marijuana. You have less marijuana. 

R.I.P. – The nine victims of the tragic helicopter crash last Sunday in CA.

R.I.P. – Lillian “Lils” Lupi (93) – A true matriarch 

Trivia #1: How many touchbacks have there been to start the Super Bowl in the last 26 years? – 0, 2, 7, 15, 20, 25 – 2 (2013 & 2017)

Trivia #2: Where did Dante Scarnecchia NOT coach? – New England Patriots, Northern Arizona, SMU, Iowa St, Oregon St, California Western, Indianapolis Colts – Oregon St

Trivia #3: Where was Super Bowl I played? – LA Coliseum, Tulane Stadium, Orange Bowl, Rose Bowl, Trinity Stadium – LA Coliseum

Trivia #4: Who was the headliner of the first Super Bowl halftime show? – Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, The Beatles, Ella Fitzgerald, Ray Charles, The Three Stooges, Metallica – The Super Bowl I halftime show featured the Three Stooges, trumpeter Al Hirt, two college marching bands, two men in jet packs and 300 pigeons. (can’t make that shit up!) 

“Kings and queens and guillotines
Taking lives denied
Starch and parchment laid the laws
When bishops took the ride
Only to deceive” 

– Aerosmith

Briefly. 

Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Hug the ones you love tightly. Our time together is limited. 

Trivia #1: On May 13, 2013 the Boston Bruins defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs 5-4 in OT in the first-round of the playoffs. The game was chosen as the NHL’s game of the decade. Midway through the third period Toronto was leading 4-1 before their complete collapse. Boston’s Nathan Horton, Milan Lucic and Patrice Bergeron all scored to send the game into overtime. Who scored the game-winner?

Trivia #2: How far is one light-year? – 1 trillion miles, 27 million miles, 88 billion miles, 47 trillion miles, 400 billion miles, 6 trillion miles

Trivia #3: In what year were Cheetos introduced? 1938, 1948, 1953, 1958, 1962

Trivia #4: Give me the top five in most PGA tour wins, bonus for getting them in order. 

Dustin Pedroia, 13-year career, former ROY, MVP, 4-time All Star, played on three championship teams, hit over .300 in 2007 & 2013 regular season, four-time Gold Glover. True gamer. I’m going to miss him. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Cheetos has given a name to the cheesy residue left on your fingers after eating a bag of Cheetos – Cheetle. 

I should really man-up and acknowledge both Eli Manning and Derek Jeter. 

Thanks for teaching me the meaning of plethora – it means a lot. 

The NHL all-star game means as much to me as the NFL Pro Bowl. If I’m in front of the TV during the skills competition, I will watch that, unless of course my wife doesn’t want to…. 

Headline of the Week: “Jessica Simpson realized she had to stop drinking after she was unable to dress her kids on Halloween.” 

People often stop me in the street, never, and asked “Ed, do you happen to know whether Tim Tebow has had sex yet?” Well, apparently he either already has or will soon. Tebow recently married 2017 Miss South Africa’s Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters and prior to that had preached a life of celibacy. Got get ‘em Timmy Boy! 

Myth: Coronavirus is a hangover from drinking too many Coronas. 

So the Zion Williamson era has finally begun. Media threw out all his stats from his Wednesday night debut and I’ll admit they were impressive, but no one focused on the fact that his team lost. 

I hate it when people get all intellectual and talk about Mozart while they’ve never even seen one of his paintings. 

Try to keep up… Here is what the Patriots got (and are still getting) in exchange for Jimmy Garapolo (after a dozen trades over two years) – LB Christian Sam, DB Joejuan Williams, RB Damien Harris, QB Jarrett Stidham, 2020 fourth-round pick from Chicago, 2020 sixth-round pick from Denver. 

R.I.P. Terry Jones (77) – Monty Python founder and scholar. Was once quoted as saying, “’We will destroy terrorism’ is about as meaningful as saying ‘We shall annihilate mockery’”

R.I.P. Jimmy ‘Pork’ ‘Mac’ McCarthy (57) – Husband, father, friend. A good friend, taken much too soon. 

Trivia #1 answer: On May 13, 2013 the Boston Bruins defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs 5-4 in OT in the first-round of the playoffs. The game was chosen as the NHL’s game of the decade. Midway through the third period Toronto was leading 4-1 before their complete collapse. Boston’s Nathan Horton, Milan Lucic and Patrice Bergeron all scored to send the game into overtime. Who scored the game-winner?

Trivia #2 answer: How far is one light-year? – 1 trillion miles, 27 million miles, 88 billion miles, 47 trillion miles, 400 billion miles, 6 trillion miles – 6 trillion miles

Trivia #3 answer: In what year were Cheetos introduced? 1938, 1948, 1953, 1958, 1962 – 1948

Trivia #4: Give me the top five in most PGA tour wins, bonus for getting them in order. – Tiger Woods, Sam Snead, Jack Nicklaus, Ben Hogan, Arnold Palmer 

“Ma, take this badge off of me
I can’t use it any more
It’s getting too dark, too dark to see
Feels like I’m knockin’ on heaven’s door” 

– Eric Clapton

 

Briefly.

“And the meek shall inherit the earth.” 

Trivia #1: Name the three rock bands that have the most consecutive gold or platinum albums. Bonus if you get them in order.

Trivia #2: Who is Iago?

Trivia #3: What is the PGA record for highest score on a par-4? Bonus, who holds the record?

Trivia #4: Who was drafted in the 7^th round of the 1977 NBA draft? – Tony Dorsett, Bruce Jenner, Lee Trevino, Larry Bird, Don Hasselbeck, Mike Marcoux 

“Well I get home at five o’clock and I take myself out a nice, cold beer.” 

Motivation, you’re doing it wrong (or are you?) – LSU football coach Ed Orgeron suffered a cut on his head after punching himself in the face trying to get his Tigers pumped up during practice. 

Back to Australia… The Victorian government’s advice as Australia’s wildfires raged on was to “minimize the time spent in smoky conditions” and “avoid exercise” – both tough to do if you’re competing outdoors in the Australian Open. But that’s what players were forced to contend with Monday during the tennis tourney at Melbourne Park. Slovenia’s Dalila Jakupovic had to quit her qualifier after smoke sent her to her knees in a coughing fit (had never had breathing issues in the past), Aussie player Bernard Tomic had to call a medical timeout and use an inhaler and an exhibition match with Russia’s Maria Sharapova was called off. 

“Run like the wind as excitement shivers up and down my spine” 

Funniest thing I read all week: FlightPath – the first unbreakable golf tee scientifically proven to drive your balls straighter and farther. (a golf tee, ya right)

I am bothered by the sign stealing scandal in so many ways. Sox fans, stop feeling bad for Alex Cora. He’s a cheater. If he never came to the Sox and stayed with Houston you would be all over him. And ban him from the game for life, I say. Pete Rose beat me to the punch but sign stealing is worse than gambling. Knowing what pitch is coming is a tremendous advantage and certainly can directly affect a game. Ask yourself this: If the same scandal arose back when Rose got caught cheating would there be a similar penalty? Conversely, if gambling came up for the first time last week would the person(s) involved have been banned for life? Let’s have a beer and discuss further, shall we? 

“We only stop for the best” 

If you can’t laugh at yourself call me, I will. 

I hate NHL shootouts. The Bruins are now 0-7 in shootouts this season. If you haven’t seen Brad Marchand’s final attempt on Monday night, look it up. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A deaf man has reportedly filed a lawsuit against a popular adult video website (Pornhub) for alleged rights violations because he says it doesn’t provide closed captioning on its videos. 

Hmmm. Difficult one. Go Titans???? 

“I will choose a path that’s clear, I will choose freewill” 

Hat’s off to local law enforcement. On my way home from work this past Wednesday, I heard an Amber Alert on the radio. An 11-year old girl, who was walking home from school, was seen being forced into a car in Springfield, MA. I got home and saw the same alert on TV and then got the same alert on my phone! Alas, the car was spotted on the Mass Turnpike by several people and the girl was rescued, unharmed, while the dirtbag who abducted her was taken into custody. Amber Alert, a system that works! 

Today is the official start of, “I’ll pay you back when I get my taxes” season. 

“You can be the captain, I will draw the chart, sailing into destiny, closer to the heart” 

Good problem to have – the Kansas City Chiefs’ Arrowhead Stadium ran out of fireworks last Sunday because the team scored so many touchdowns. They typically fire them off after each score. 

“Live for yourself… there’s no one else more worth living for” 

Quote for the week: “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is what are you doing for others?” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

R.I.P. Neil Peart (67) – Drummer and lyricist for the rock band “Rush”, after a battle with brain cancer, who also authored numerous books. Said Peart: “I set out to never betray the values that a 16-year old had, to never sell out, to never bow to the man. A compromise is what I can never accept.” DYK – Neil Peart’s hero was the Who’s Keith Moon.

R.I.P. Grace Rett (20) – Poor kid. Grace, a College of the Holy Cross rower, was killed in a team van crash in FL on Wednesday, the day after her 20^th birthday. From Dec. 19 to Dec. 21, she set a world record for her age group for longest continual indoor row, logging 237.55 miles on an erg machine in 62 hours and 3 seconds. Poor kid. 

Trivia #1 answer: Name the three rock bands that have the most consecutive gold or platinum albums. Bonus if you get them in order. – The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Rush – (disclaimer: I did see different lists out there but this was at least one of them so I’m going with it)

Trivia #2 answer: Who is Iago? – “Who is Iago?” was the answer to the final Jeopardy question correctly given by Ken Jennings propelling him to the title of “The Greatest of All Time.” The question? “He has 272 speeches, the most by a non-title character in a Shakespeare tragedy.”

Trivia #3 answer: What is the PGA record for highest score on a par-4? Bonus, who holds the record? – 16, held by Kevin Na on the ninth hole at the Valero Texas Open in 2011.

Trivia #4: Who was drafted in the 7^th round of the 1977 NBA draft? – Tony Dorsett, Bruce Jenner, Lee Trevino, Larry Bird, Don Hasselbeck – Bruce Jenner 

“You can tell me that I got no class
Look around, you’ll see who’s laughing last
Don’t give me speeches ‘cause they’re oh so droll
Leave me alone, let me rock and roll” 

– Rush (but you already knew that, didn’t you?)

Briefly. 

Trivia #1: What is taphophobia?

Trivia #2: In the Super Bowl era, a top 2 offense has faced a top 2 defense seven times in playoff games. Who is the only top-two offense to win such a game? 

The fires in Australia are beyond belief. More than 17.9 acres have been burned across Australia’s six states – an area larger than Belgium and Denmark combined. 27 people have died including several volunteer firefighters. A conservative estimate has about half a billion animals affected with millions likely dead. The number of total animals affected could be as high as one billion nationwide, according to ecologists. More than 2,000 homes have been destroyed or damaged and the smoke is so bad in Sydney that air quality measured 11 times the “hazardous” level. Forgive me as I go on, dry lightning was responsible for starting a number of fires though police have also charged 183 people for fire-related offenses since November. In December, fires in Victoria’s East Gippsland region traveled 12.4 miles in just five hours. 

Jason Garrett, what took so long? 

Congratulations, you’re doing it wrong. A New Jersey man had arranged to set off fireworks outside of an indoor rock-climbing facility in Howell Township, to coincide with a marriage proposal his friend was planning. However, the fireworks were mistaken for gunfire, the facility was evacuated and the man was charged with disorderly conduct. 

Tom Brady still has 30 career playoff wins which is more than 27 other NFL franchises. Just sayin’. 

Speaking of Tom Brady, a report came out that Brady played this season with both an elbow injury and a foot injury. Please, save it, will ya? The “average” NHL player plays through everything from broken bones to lacerated arteries and bullet wounds to lost limbs. Brady played “hurt?” Please! 

Save the Spinners!!!! 

Capital punishment, just say “yes!” 27 year-old Trevor Rowe of Texas picked up his girlfriend’s 10-month old daughter from her mother’s home, crammer her into a backpack and left her on the front passenger floorboard while he went to work. During his lunchbreak he found her “lightly crying but breathing”, put her back into the backpack, placed her in the trunk and went back to work. He didn’t return until 5 p.m. and found she had stopped breathing. She died and he was arrested for capital murder. 

The Celtics’ Kemba Walker was given a technical foul Wednesday night for using profanity towards a referee in response to a call he disagreed with. He continued to use profanity and, per rule, was ejected. Said Walker “I mean, it’s the first time I’ve been ejected in my whole life. I am a two-time sportsmanship award winner as well. So maybe I should get a little leeway.” – And there you have it. Today’s professional athlete, above and beyond the rest. 

Marcus Smart, as I’ve said in the past, is a true “gamer.” But Marcus, don’t push your offense. Play your shutdown defense and let your offense come to you. You ain’t that good pushing the ball up the court. 

Borden Dairy Co. filed for bankruptcy, becoming the second major U.S. milk seller to do so in two months as competitive pressures, declining consumption and falling profits made its debt load unsustainable. A boom on dairy alternatives like soy, rice and nut milk, along with prices for raw milk have put the squeeze on Borden and others. 

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: 2020 American League rankings: Red Sox out of playoff picture 

In more than 6,500 episodes of Wheel of Fortune, Vanna White has never worn the same the same gown twice. 

If Julian Edelman doesn’t one day suffer from the effects of CTE, I will be shocked. The guy can take a hit and he takes many. 

Definition of “pizza” | verb – As in, “no one out pizzas the hut.” 

The #1 UConn women’s hoop team had their 98-game home winning streak snapped last night by #6 Baylor. 

Are Ford pickups falling behind? First, GMC comes out with the new-age tailgate, then Chevy unveils the camera that sees “through” the trailer. What has the F-150 introduced lately? Still, the F-150 is the leading seller of pickups in America. 

People often stop me in the streets and ask; “Ed, what ever happened to Ryan Westmoreland?” OK, no one has ever asked me that but Westmoreland, the #1 prospect of the Red Sox and 21^st-ranked player in all of minor league baseball just 10 years ago, then had a five-hour operation to remove a cavernous malformation on his brain stem. Now, 10 years later, Ryan will be back on the field as an assistant coach on Bob Prince’s staff at UMass Dartmouth. Good for him, the twice-named NH Gatorade Player of the Year at Portsmouth High School. 

R.I.P. Buck Henry (89) – Noted Hollywood screenwriter was co-creator (with Mel Brooks) of “Get Smart”, wrote “The Graduate” and hosted SNL several times. Speaking of Get Smart – the “shoe phone” and “cone of silence” – just two examples of pure genius! 

Trivia #1 answer: What is taphophobia? – The fear of being mistaken for dead and then sealed in a coffin and buried in a grave. (You knew that, right?)

Trivia #2 answer: In the Super Bowl era, a top 2 offense has faced a top 2 defense seven times in playoff games. Who is the only top-two offense to win such a game? – The San Francisco 49ers over the Dallas Cowboys in the 1994 NFC Championship.

“In the shuffling madness
Of the locomotive breath
Runs the all-time loser
Headlong to his death

Oh, he feels the piston scraping
Steam breaking on his brow
Old Charlie stole the handle
And the train – it won’t stop going
No way to slow down”

– Jethro Tull

Briefly. 

Trivia: Of the following NFL teams, which two are not in the top five in all time playoff appearances? – Green Bay, Giants, Patriots, Steelers, Cowboys, 49ers, Rams 

The Chicago White Sox yesterday signed outfielder Luis Robert to a 6-year, $50 million deal. With all the big signings recently and over the years why do I mention this? Luis is the first player ever signed to such a big deal having never played in the majors. Last year between Class A, Double-A and Triple-A he hit .328 with 32 homeruns, 92 RBIs, 108 runs and 36 stolen bases. 

Predictions by researchers at Harvard University paint a grim picture on health in the U.S.: A decade from now, roughly half of U.S. adults will be obese with nearly one-quarter severely so. 

Doing your job, too well? Louise Wilkinson was refused a bottle of Harveys Bristol Cram Sherry that her grandson had arranged to be delivered to her U.K. home. The Amazon driver refused to give her the bottle because she did not have an ID. Louise is 92 years old and does not own a driver’s license or passport. 

Atlanta Falcons’ right tackle Ty Sambrailo caught a 35-yard touchdown pass from Matt Ryan last Sunday. It was the longest touchdown play of by a player weighing 300 pounds or more and the 7^th such touchdown in the league this season. 

Red Lobster recently revealed its new drink, the “Drink-a-tizer”, just in time for National Hangover Day, January 1^st. The bloody mary includes a lobster claw, a shrimp and one of Red Lobster’s famous cheddar biscuits. I’m sorry, but if I’m hungover the last thing I want is anything to do with fish. 

Pass the scalpel, you’re doing it wrong. A 66-year old Romanian with pancreatic cancer was treated by surgeons with an alcohol-based disinfectant before using an electric scalpel that caused combustion. The patient ignited like a torch, suffered burns to 40 percent of her body and died a week later. 

I thoroughly enjoyed seeing Eli Manning last Sunday wearing a wool hat, standing in the pouring rain and looking miserable. 

Jamison Winston threw a pick-six on the last play of the Bucs/Falcons game last Sunday solidifying his place in history as the only NFL QB with 30 touchdown passes and 30 interceptions in a single season. Not only that, but the interception pushed the game point total over the number. Thank you Jamison!

Will the Bruins please show up in OT!

The other day I yelled into a colander and strained my voice. 

A guy I want in my foxhole, Marcus Smart. 

Winning fixes a lot of things. Just listen to coaches who are interviewed after a game, any sport. The winning coaches are so respectful while the losing coaches just want to get the hell out of there (or bitch about the refs/umps) 

R.I.P. Former Yankees’ pitcher Don Larsen (90) – Among Larsen’s accomplishments he was knocked out in the second inning of game 2 of the ’56 World Series and two years before that was 3-21 with Baltimore. Hey, he was a yankee. What did you expect me to write?

R.I.P. Don Imus (79) – His broadcasting career went from 1971-2018 while being known as the original “shock jock.” As political analyst Jeff Greenfield once remarked: “He’s out there talking the way most of us talk when we’re not in public.” In 1999, Imus and his wife Deirdre founded the Imus Ranch where each summer kids with cancer could enjoy the outdoors.

R.I.P. David Stern (77) – 30-year NBA commissioner, led the charge in transforming the league into a period of greatest. 

Trivia answer: Of the following teams, which two are not in the top five in all time playoff appearances? – Green Bay, Giants, Patriots, Steelers, Cowboys, 49ers, Rams – Cowboys (33), Green Bay (32), Giants (32), Steelers (31), Rams (29)… Patriots (26) and 49ers (26) are tied for 9^th place with two other teams. 

“There’s a starman waiting in the sky
He’d like to come and meet us
But he thinks he’d blow our minds
There’s a starman waiting in the sky
He’s told us not to blow it
‘Cause he knows it’s all worthwhile
He told me
Let the children lose it
Let the children use it
Let all the children boogie”

-David Bowie

Briefly. (not so much for the end-of-the-year addition) 

Trivia #1: What are the first names of the Griswolds’ neighbors in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation?

Trivia #2: What two players are tied for the most kick returns for touchdowns in their NFL career (8)?

Trivia #3: In what city is the Sun Bowl played? 

Quote of the week: Analyst Booger MacFarland on MNF: “… he has great balance and football awareness.” WTF is football awareness? Is that like being in a bar and having “beer awareness?” 

I didn’t know that former NFL running back Eric Bieniemy was the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs, nor do I care. He just brings to mind one of my favorite, all-time Chris Berman nicknames – Eric “Sleeping With” Bieniemy.  

In non-news the UCONN Huskie’s women’s basketball team is ranked number one. 

Last night the Dallas Maverick’s started the fourth quarter by shooting 7-12 from the 3-point line. They didn’t attempt their first 2-point shot of the quarter until there was 4:07 remaining. 

Six NFL players weighing at least 300 lbs. have caught a touchdown this season. 

The Oakland Raiders can make the playoffs if they beat Denver on Sunday and Houston beats the Titans and Baltimore beats the Pittsburgh and the Colts beat the Jaguars. 

Oakland’s Derek Carr has never won a week 17 game. 

Mariah Carey has made over $60 million in royalties alone from her song “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” 

A new study may have found a solution to gaining weight during the holidays (that doesn’t involve depriving yourself of Christmas treats). Scientists at the University of Illinois say that consuming coffee can limit weight gain and cholesterol production, even while eating a diet high in fat and sugar. Trust me, these scientists have never had morning coffee at my house on Christmas Day! 

If you notice, 2019 backwards is 9021. If you take away the 0 and the 2 you’ll have 91. It doesn’t mean anything but thanks for reading. 

Line of the week: “The Cowboys fall to 0-2 vs. jets in 2019.” – The NFL Network’s Rich Eisen after the Cowboys’ chartered plane was deemed “not viable” and the team was stuck in Philadelphia for a few extra hours last Sunday. 

And on the 8^th day God created RedZone. 

Story I refuse to read: The top celebrity breakups of 2019. 

If you’re a relative of Dallas Cowboy head coach Jason Garrett what do you say to him on Christmas Day just a few days after another nationally televised embarrassment against the Eagles? 

Michael Thomas broke the single season receiving record with one game to go. Impressive. Everyone knows he’s getting the ball, and he does just that. 

The Buccaneers’ Jameis Winston can become the first player ever with 30 touchdown passes and 30 interceptions in one season. He is currently at 31 TDs and 28 picks.

Who can argue that the best part of Christmas morning is bacon? 

Trivia #1 answer: What are the first names of the Griswolds’ neighbors in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation? – Todd & Margo

Trivia #2 answer: What two players are tied for the most kick returns for touchdowns in their NFL career (8)? – Josh Cribbs & Leon Washington

Trivia #3 answer: In what city is the Sun Bowl played? – The Sun Bowl is played in El Paso, TX. DYK, El Paso is nicknamed ‘The Sun City’ with an average sunshine of 302 days a year? 

I wish all of you the best year eva in 2020! 

Christmas is over so let’s move on from all that holiday crap music and get back to some rock n roll! 

“Under a blood red sky
A crowd has gathered in black and white
Arms entwined, the chosen few
The newspapers says, says
Say it’s true it’s true…
And we can break through
Though torn in two
We can be one” 

– U2

Briefly. 

Trivia #1: Vexillology is the study of what?

Trivia #2: What NBA player has the most assists in a single game (30)? – Bob Cousy, Scott Skiles, John Stockton, Muggsy Bogues, Rajon Rondo, Gary Payton, Jason Kidd

Trivia #3: What is the diameter of a hockey puck? – 2, 3, 4, 5, 3.5 inches? 

Fallon Sherrock became the first female darts player to beat a man at the PDC World Championship on Tuesday at Alexandra Palace in London. 

Word for the week: Flibbertigibbet (flib-er-tee-JIB-ut) – a silly flighty person 

Last night was the first time that two NBA teams squared off before January first and both were 20 or more games above .500 – the Bucks and the Lakers.  

Baseball owners voted to make a major change beginning in the 2020 MLB season, requiring pitchers to face a minimum of three batters or complete a half-inning, a switch pushed by commissioner Rob Manfred with an eye toward quickening the pace of play and shortening the length of games by reducing the number of in-game pitching changes. 

Be careful out there. Police in Florida are warning holiday shoppers this week that scammers have been placing fake barcodes on gift cards in stores. When the card is activated, the money is added to the scammer’s card instead of the card being purchased. Police recommend making sure the barcode on the back of the card matches the number on the packaging itself and they suggested checking for stickers placed over the barcode. Hey, I’m just here to help. 

Hmmmm. Multi-millions of dollars… or smoke a joint? Good choice, Josh Gordon. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Parents and staff at a London primary school are upset after the headmaster changed the lyrics to “Away in a Manger” – “in the name of inclusion and political correctness.” Students must say “little baby” instead of “Lord.” 

Man, if you missed the President’s Cup last weekend you missed some great theater. It was awesome! 

Speaking of golf, it’s so humbling to see a pro pull out his 9 iron from 180 yards out. 

Of the S&P 1500, Netflix has been the second best performing stock of the past decade advancing 3,909%, Dominos is third at 3,382%. The best? Patrick Industries has risen 4,622% in the past ten years. Because you want to know, Patrick make parts for RVs, manufactured housing and marine industries. 

The average temperature on the continent of Australia was 105.6 degrees on Tuesday, a record. Oh wait, on Wednesday it was 107.4 F. 

You only have a few days left to get into the Christmas spirit. I need help myself. 

If you use a public toilet and need to flush twice, do us all a favor… flush twice. 

So Drew Brees set the regular season record for touchdown passes and they stop the game and honor him. What happens if Brady passes him tomorrow and then Brees takes the lead again on Sunday? Will this celebratory thing go on back-n-forth until one of them retires? 

People often ask me, never, where is Blake Swihart? You may recall, doubtful, Blake was traded to the Arizona Diamondbacks for minor leaguer Marcus Wilson in April. He was granted free agency by the Diamondbacks after the season and signed a minor league contract with the Texas Rangers on Monday. The deal also included an invite to major league spring training. 

Quote for the week: “Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw 

So much for that Boston-home-teams-not-losing thing. The longest home winning streak now is the Red Sox at one! 

Rick Porcello to the Mets. I’m going to miss him. 

Trivia #1 answer: Vexillology is the study of what? Flags

Trivia #2 answer: What NBA player has the most assists in a single game (30)? – Bob Cousy, Scott Skiles, John Stockton, Muggsy Bogues, Rajon Rondo, Gary Payton, Jason Kidd – Scott Skiles

Trivia #3 answer: What is the diameter of a hockey puck? – 2, 3, 4, 5, 3.5 inches? – 3 inches 

Merry Christmas everybody! Raise your ‘nog and give a toast to life! 

“I love you and you love me
And that’s the way it’s got to be
I loved you from the start
‘Cause Christmas ain’t the time for breaking each other’s hearts

Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight
Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight
Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight with you”

– The Ramones