Blog

Briefly.

Instead of “WTF!”, try saying “By what ungodly sequence of events hath this calamity transpired?”

Trivia #1: (Ghost) Riders in the Sky, covered by more than one hundred artists, was originally written by whom? – Stan Jones, Vaughn Monroe, Burl Ives, Outlaws, The Blue Brothers, The Ramrods
Trivia #2: What recording artist once went by the name Davie Jones?
Trivia #3: Who is the only goaltender to have his name appear on the Stanley Cup as the captain of a Cup-winning team? – Charlie Gardiner, Jacques Plante, Terry Sawchuk, Patrick Roy, Tim Thomas, Kippy Manseau

On this date: June 5, 70, Titus and his Roman legions breach the middle wall of Jerusalem
June 5, 1661, Isaac Newton admitted as a student to Trinity College, Cambridge
June 5, 1806, 1st trotter to break 3-minute mile (Yankee)
June 5, 1876, Bananas become popular in the US while being featured at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia
June 5, 1917, 10 million US men begin registering for draft in WW I
June 5, 1944, After receiving favorable weather reports, General Eisenhower decides to proceed with the D-Day invasion on June 6
June 5, 2019, On average, people ingest 50,000 pieces of microplastic a year and breathe in a similar amount, according to first-ever such study published in journal “Environmental Science and Technology”
June 5, 2024, World’s only surviving wild horse, the Przewalski’s Horse, is returned to the Golden Steppe of Kazakhstan for the first time in over 200 years

WTF! (I knew I couldn’t do it…)

Go away: Red Sox interim third base coach, Chad Epperson. The other night, Epperson was standing on the field of play as he waved around Wilyer Abreu. Bizarre. As an article I read stated: “I’m gonna go ahead and echo what the announcers all said here and say that I have never, in my life, seen a third base coach do that. Not once. Not in Little League. Not in travel ball. Not in high school. Not on the worst D-III college baseball team in the country. Never. (Fast fact: It’s not illegal)

The Red Sox really do suck.

Speaking of the Red Sox. The yankees’ Aaron Judge has a stress fracture in his rib. Awww…

Article I’ll skip: Super Bowl Champion’s wife, Ciara, has emotional message after retirement announcement (This pertains to Russell Wilson and ‘no’, I don’t care what she has to say)

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: See above, on average, people ingest 50,000 pieces of microplastic a year and breathe in similar amount, according to first-ever such study published in journal “Environmental Science and Technology”

Times flies, so have fun. This year is the 30^th anniversary of The Penta Memorial Golf Tournament, my 38^th wedding anniversary, my fantasy football league’s 40^th season and my 45^th high school reunion. Man, time flies!

BTW, you can check out all things Penta (donate?) at www.birdease.com/ThePenta. Shameless plug, yes. Thanks in advance…

And next Friday is Penta Day! Don’t expect much, if anything, here.

Good news: So, Myles Garrett goes to the Rams but… the Patriots and Drake Maye got AJ Brown. That’s big!

OK, so I didn’t watch much of game 1 of the NHL finals but game 2, last night, was pretty entertaining. And I have to admit, I also watched quite a bit of the NBA game 1. Hey, it’s the finals…

Speaking of which, local Sean McDonough is an excellent play-by-play guy. Also, NHL-wise, I’ve liked Steve Levy since his days on SportsCenter. Still great!

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The Chicago Bears have made it clear to the NFL on multiple occasions, including late last month at an NFL meeting in Orlando, they are leaving the city and will build a new stadium either in Arlington Heights, Illinois, or in Hammond, Indiana.

Don’t be that guy!  You know… that guy!

Trivia #1 answer: Trivia #1: (Ghost) Riders in the Sky, covered by more than one hundred artists, was originally written by whom? – Stan Jones, Vaughn Monroe, Burl Ives, Outlaws, The Blue Brothers, The Ramrods – Stan Jones
Trivia #2 answer: What recording artist once went by the name Davie Jones? – David Bowie
Trivia #3 answer: Who is the only goaltender to have his name appear on the Stanley Cup as the captain of a Cup-winning team? – Charlie Gardiner, Jacques Plante, Terry Sawchuk, Patrick Roy, Tim Thomas, Kippy Manseau – Charlie Gardiner (Chicago Blackhawks, 1934)

Come on downtown and visit me this afternoon. I’ll serve you and we’ll have a grand old time!

That’s a terrible idea. What time?

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Cheese Day!

“And all at once
You’re ready to hang it up
‘Cause things didn’t turn out
The way you planned, no

And all your friends
They calling you a fool
‘Cause you don’t know
A good thing when you’ve
Got it in your hand”

Pablo Cruise (What’cha Gonna Do)

Bonus!

Briefly.

(Our camper is up north for the next several months. While I’ll be back and forth between homes, I may miss a couple/few Fridays. I know you love me, so please bear with me.)

I was the best man at my brother’s wedding in Paris. At the reception, I raised my glass and said, “Eggs, champagne, cinnamon, bread and maple syrup!” It was a French toast.

Why do we only celebrate birthdays? Happy Day, to all of us! Hell ya!

Trivia #1: Who was the only US President to receive a patent? Bonus: What was it for? – George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Grover Cleveland, Theodore Roosevelt, William Taft, Ronald Reagan
Trivia #2: The Seattle Seahawks will travel more miles, 38,105, than any other NFL team this coming season. Which team will travel the fewest (8,740)?

On this date: May 22, 334 BC, Macedonian army of Alexander the Great defeats Darius III of Persia in the Battle of the Granicus
May 22, 1803, The first US public library opens in Connecticut
May 22, 1842, Farmers Lester Howe and Henry Wetsel discover Howe Caverns in New York state when they stumble upon a large gaping hole in the ground
May 22, 1892, Dr. Washington Sheffield invents the collapsible toothpaste tube
May 22, 1919, A.E. Douglass establishes the relative dates of two archaeological sites using ancient wood samples, marking a major step forward in the dating of archaeological sites
May 22, 1942, The Steel Workers Organizing Committee disbands, and a new trade union, the United Steelworkers, is formed
May 22, 1960, A magnitude 9.4-9.6 earthquake strikes near the city of Valdivia in Chile, the strongest ever recorded, causing multiple tsunamis and killing 1,000-7,000 people
May 22, 1980, Video game Pac-Man created by Toru Iwatani is first released in Japan

Go away: Kansas City Chiefs’ wide receiver Rasheed Rice

Article I’ll skip: Seed oils banned from Tennessee’s facility as new head coach overhauls nutrition

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Joey Chestnut sentenced to probation after pleading guilty to drunkenly slapping a man at bar

Forgive me for not commenting on the Red Sox. They make me wanna puke. Still… I hope…

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: More than 300 suspects have been arrested in a sweeping multi-agency crackdown on child exploitation crimes across Southern California. The large-scale enforcement effort, dubbed “Operation Firewall,” targeted a wide range of internet-facilitated offenses, including child pornography, human trafficking, grooming, and attempts to lure minors into illicit encounters.

Y’all know I ain’t no NAZCAR fan but, Kyle Busch at 41-years-old? Man, that just ain’t right. R.I.P.

So, I see this article – Finding the sleep ‘sweet spot’ could help you live longer. How long you sleep could be linked to how long you’ll live. Could, could, could. If you want to live by the, literally, countless articles of “Could,” Go right ahead. I gonna take a nap.

Terrible news: Y’all know I ain’t no NAZCAR fan but, Kyle Busch at 41-years-old? Man, that just ain’t right. R.I.P.

Don’t be that guy! You can’t say “thank you” or “you’re welcome” enough. Just say it and be appreciative. Jeez.

Trivia #1 answer: Who was the only US President to receive a patent? Bonus: What was it for? – George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Grover Cleveland, Theodore Roosevelt, William Taft, Ronald Reagan – Abraham Lincoln (1849), for a device to lift a boat over shoals and obstructions
Trivia #2 answer: The Seattle Seahawks will travel more miles, 38,105, than any other NFL team this coming season. Which team will travel the fewest (8,740)? – The Carolina Panthers

Can the Montreal Canadiens actually pull this thing off???

Scientists have finished a study on how alcohol can affect a person’s ability to walk. The results are staggering.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Cooler Day! (Fill one up… I guess)

“So, lady, let me take a look at you now
You’re there on the dance floor making me want you somehow
Oh, lady, I think it’s only fair I should say to you
Don’t be thinking that I don’t want you, ’cause maybe I do”

Little River Band (Lady)

Let’s pick it up a bit.

Briefly.

My new car is weird! Every time I back out of a parking spot a video pops up on my dashboard of someone getting run over by a car.

Trivia #1: Which of the following was NOT a guest host on the Tonight Show? – McLean Stevenson, Joan Rivers, Tony Danza, Dean Martin, Burt Reynolds, Don Rickles, Steve Martin
Trivia #2: Nolan Ryan threw a record 7 no-hitters in his career, beating 6 teams. Which team did he no-hit twice?
Trivia #3: Since the merger in 1970, who are the only two players who’ve led all tight ends in catches both as a rookie and again in their second season? Both played for the same franchise, and both were top-15 draft picks.
Trivia #4: The British rock band ‘The Who’ did a great (I think) cover of the song “Shakin’ All Over.” Who’s song was it? – The Guess Who, James Brown, The Isley Brothers, Bo Diddley, Elvis Presley, Sonny Boy Williamson

On this date: May 15, 1213, After years of disagreement and political struggle, King John of England yields to Rome and allows Stephen Langton to return and become Archbishop of Canterbury. The crisis is a major factor that led to the Magna Carta in 1215.
May 15, 1536, Anne Boleyn and her brother George, Lord Rochford, accused of adultery and incest.
May 15, 1610, Parliament of Paris appoints 8-year-old Louis XIII as French King, following the assassination of his father Henry IV; Louis’ mother and Henry’s widow Marie de’ Medici serves as regent until 1617.
May 15, 1817, First private mental health hospital opens in the US, Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of Their Reason (now Friends Hospital) in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
May 15, 1905, Las Vegas founded in Nevada
May 15, 1917, The first officer’s training camp is opened in the US, as the country prepares for war
May 15, 2010, Jessica Watson at age 16 becomes the youngest person to sail solo, non-stop and unassisted around the world
May 15, 2022, British rock band “The Who” returns to Cincinnati, Ohio for the first time since tragic December 1979 stampede that killed 11 concert goers

Go away: NFL schedule makers. Enough is enough. Wednesday night opener, nine international games, Thanksgiving eve, black Friday, etc.

Trivia #2 hint: Nolan Ryan once pithed for this team.

Article I’ll skip: Hantavirus fears spark COVID flashbacks, but experts say there’s one major difference. (No, this shit ain’t happening again. Virus-shmirus!)

Don’t tell me to dance like no one is watching. I don’t give a shit who’s watching, I don’t like to dance. Now leave me alone.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The WNBA season opener the other night was the first opener where both teams scored more than 100 points.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: North Korea has updated its constitution to require a retaliatory nuclear strike if leader Kim Jong Un is assassinated.

Celebrating your wedding day, you’re doing it wrong! James Shirah, 24, was sentenced Monday in Genesee County Circuit Court to 30 to 45 years in prison after pleading no contest to second-degree murder in the death of Terry Taylor Jr. The incident unfolded Aug. 30, 2024, in Flint, roughly an hour northwest of Detroit, after Shirah and his bride, Savanah Collier, had gotten married earlier that day. The celebration later moved to a home where an argument broke out. Shirah struck Taylor with his vehicle after the dispute, alleging the act was deliberate.

Good news: If you live in Utqiagvik, Alaska… and you are afraid of the dark. The northernmost town on the continent is about to enter its annual stretch of the midnight sun, when the sun stays above the horizon until August. This year, the town’s stretch of 24-hour daylight will last until Aug. 2, when the sun finally dips below the horizon again.

Last season’s American League MVP runner-up, Cal Raleigh, was in the midst of a 0-38 slump, the longest of his career. How did he break out of it this past Tueday, you ask? A teammate gave him some good advice to wash off the bad mojo or juju from the baseball gods. How exactly did he do that? Raleigh showered in full uniform Monday night.

Don’t be that guy! Don’t be late for your tee time, especially if you’re playing in the PGA Championship! South Africa’s Garrick Higgo’s first-round tee time at Aronimink Golf Club was set for 7:18 a.m. local time, but he couldn’t manage to make it to the tee box when his starting time arrived yesterday. The PGA of America announced that Higgo was penalized two strokes for being late for his opening round tee time. He was on the property, but was on the putting green near the first tee, which is “not within the area defined as the starting point at his starting time.” DOH!

Trivia #1 answer: Which of the following was NOT a guest host on the Tonight Show? – McLean Stevenson, Joan Rivers, Tony Danza, Dean Martin, Burt Reynolds, Don Rickles, Steve Martin – Dean Martin was not a guest host
Trivia #2 answer: Nolan Ryan threw a record 7 no-hitters in his career, beating 6 teams. Which team did he no-hit twice? – The California Angels
Trivia #3 answer: Since the merger in 1970, who are the only two players who’ve led all tight ends in catches both as a rookie and again in their second season? Both played for the same franchise, and both were top-15 draft picks. – Philadelphia Eagles, with Charle Young in 1973-74 and Keith Jackson in 1988-89. Young passed away on Tuesday, at 75. After playing at Southern Cal, he was the 6th pick of the 1973 draft. (He also, by the way, led all tight ends in catches in his third season.) Jackson was the 13th pick of the 1988 draft, after playing his college ball at Oklahoma.
Trivia #4: The British rock band ‘The Who’ did a great (I think) cover of the song ‘Shakin’ All Over.’ Who’s song was it? – The Guess Who, James Brown, The Isley Brothers, Bo Diddley, Elvis Presley, Sonny Boy Williamson – The Guess Who

I bet short people get really excited when they hit their head on things.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Chocolate Chip Day!

“When you move in right up close to me
That’s when I get the chills all over me

Quivers down my backbone
I got the shakes in my thigh bone
I got the shivers in my knee bone
Shakin’ all over”

The Guess Who (Shakin’ All Over))

Bonus! The Who’s version.

Briefly.

Starting to run in my 60’s turned out to be a great way to meet people. I met a paramedic, two nurses and almost Jesus.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been!

Trivia #1: What is Hyperkalemia?
Trivia #2: Which of the following was NOT in the top 5 homerun hitters of the 1970’s: Willie Stargell, Reggie Jackson, Johnny Bench, Bobby Bonds, Lee May, Mike Schmidt
Trivia #3: Who won the 2019 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2019)

On this date: May 8, 535, John II’s reign as Catholic Pope ends, upon his death
May 8, 1348, Ship from Bordeaux carrying the plague, lands in Melcombe Regis (now Weymouth), Dorset. The beginning of the Terrible Pestilence (Black Death) in England.
May 8, 1792, US establishes the military draft     
May 8, 1919, Edward George Honey first proposes the idea of a moment of silence to commemorate The Armistice of World War I, leads to the creation of Remembrance Day
May 8, 1945, V-E Day: World War II ends in Europe after German Field Marshall General Wilhelm Keitel formally signs Germany’s unconditional surrender in Berlin to the Allies, represented by the United States, the UK, France and the Soviet Union
May 8, 1963, Daniel Paul James ‘Tiger’ Ruth is born
May 8, 1967, Muhammad Ali is indicted for refusing induction in US Army
May 8, 2022, Thai government announces it will give away one million cannabis plants to households to mark new rule allowing people to grow it at home

You know, I was thinking… All these people, athletes mostly, after accomplishing “something”, point upwards and say something like; “I know my Mom is looking down at me and she’s proud.” It just seems presumptuous that all of the deceased are in Heaven, looking down. The odds of that seem doubtful, to me. Just once, I’d like to see a kid point to the ground and say; “I know my Uncle Leo is looking up at me… and he’s proud.”

Go away: Mike Vrabel/Dianna Russini

Article I’ll skip: Infectious disease expert reveals whether hantavirus could cause pandemic in the US 

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The New England Patriots revealed the jersey numbers for Caleb Lomu and the other members of the team’s 2026 rookie class.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: More than two dozen cruise ship employees, including Disney cruise workers, were arrested by U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) in a child exploitation ring bust at a port in San Diego. In all, 28 people from three different countries — 26 from the Philippines, one from Indonesia and another from Portugal — were interviewed, and 27 were found to have taken part in the “receipt, possession, transportation, distribution, or viewing of [child sexual exploitation material] or child pornography.” It is unclear how many of those people worked for Disney Cruise Line.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: A high-tech humanoid robot was officially “ordained” as a Buddhist monk during a ceremony at Seoul’s Jogyesa Temple on Wednesday. The robot, a $13,500 Unitree G1 model standing just over four feet tall, was given the name “Gabi.” Dressed in traditional brown robes, plain shoes and gloves designed to mimic human hands, the machine stood before a panel of Buddhist monks to commit itself to the faith. During the ceremony, hosted by the Jogye Order of Korean Buddhism, the robot was asked by a monk if it would devote itself to the “holy Buddha.” “Yes, I will devote myself,” Gabi responded to the crowd’s cheers.

Good news: For him, anyway… A Kentucky man who spent more than two decades behind bars for a murder he says was built on fabricated evidence has been awarded more than $24 million, after a jury found he was wrongfully convicted in a case once described by prosecutors as a “satanic” killing.

Terrible news: An elementary school student died after a tree fell on a playground at a school in Melrose, Massachusetts. The incident happened Monday at the Winthrop Elementary School. Two other people — a student and an adult — were injured. “It is with great sadness that we share that the student who was seriously injured (Monday) afternoon during the incident on the Winthrop School playground has died. It is our understanding that the other two individuals, one student and one adult, who were injured yesterday, have been discharged from area hospitals.” I have a couple of kids but, whether you do or you don’t, this is hard to imagine happening.

Don’t be that guy! It’s allergy season. Whether coughing or sneezing, jeez, cover your mouth!

Trivia #1 answer: What is Hyperkalemia? – Hyperkalemia (high-per-kuh-LEE-mee-uh), also known as high potassium or HK, is when the blood has higher than normal potassium levels.
Trivia #2 answer: Which of the following was NOT in the top 5 homerun hitters of the 1970’s: Willie Stargell, Reggie Jackson, Johnny Bench, Bobby Bonds, Lee May, Mike Schmidt – The first five were 1-5, in order. Mike Schmidt was number 8.
Trivia #3 answer: Who won the 2019 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2019) – St. Louis Blues (NHL), Toronto Raptors (NBA), Washington Nationals (MLB), New England Patriots (NFL)

Unless you fell on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Have a Coke Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you Muthas out there!

Amtrak has informed a small-town girl, living in a lonely world, that they don’t actually have a midnight train going anywhere. “I’m sorry miss, but you have to choose an actual destination.”

“Just a small-town girl
Livin’ in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere

Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere”

Journey (Don’t Stop Believen’)

Briefly.

My favorite childhood memory is getting out of bed in the morning without my back hurting.

Trivia #1: What distress phrase, used in aviation and maritime, signals channel clearance and all other radio users must cease transmissions and clear the channel for the distressed vessel? It also initiates immediate rescue efforts and alerts emergency services.
Trivia #2: Who is Red Murdock?
Trivia #3: Joe Buck is closing in on a deal to host ESPN Jeopardy, looking to air this summer. This will not be the first time the Jeopardy! franchise has had an offshoot dedicated to sports trivia. Sports Jeopardy! previously aired on Crackle from 2014 through 2016. Who hosted the program during that time? – Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, Stuart Scott, Matt Barrie, Linda Cohn, Rich Eisen

On this date: May 1, 305, Diocletian and Maximian retire from the office of Roman Emperor
May 1, 1822, John Phillips is elected the first mayor of Boston
May 1, 1840, “Penny Black,” the world’s first adhesive postage stamp is issued by the United Kingdom
May 1, 1863, Hospital for the Ruptured and Crippled first opens its doors in New York City, the oldest orthopaedic hospital in the United States
May 1, 1930, The planet Pluto is officially named by 11-year-old English schoolgirl Venetia Burney
May 1, 1941, US savings bonds go on sale to help finance the war effort
May 1, 1952, Mr. Potato Head is first introduced by toy company Hasbro
May 1, 1989, Tim Berners-Lee, working at CERN, submits his initial proposal for the World Wide Web (WWW)
May 1, 2019, New York City officially names a street Sesame Street at the intersection of West 63rd Street and Broadway in honor of the show’s 50th anniversary

Go away: The Red Sox’ Craig Breslow. (And while we’re at it, go away Sam Kennedy too)

Article I’ll skip: Burger King fans reveal Whopper ordering trick for a fresher burger: “I’m converted!” Editor’s note: I can’t recall the last time I was at a Burger King, or a McDonalds for that matter.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg said Thursday the company’s latest round of layoffs is tied to increased spending on artificial intelligence, while leaving the door open to additional job cuts. Zuckerberg made the remarks during a company town hall, his first time addressing employees since Meta confirmed plans to cut roughly 8,000 jobs — about 10% of its workforce.

Audience participation, you’re doing it wrong! A German tourist in Egypt died after a poisonous snake slithered up his pants and bit him on the leg. Two snakes – presumably cobras – were used, which were placed around the necks of the guests from the audience, among other things. As part of this snake show, the ‘snake charmer’ let one of the snakes crawl into the pants of a 57-year-old man, causing the snake to bite the leg of the German vacationer.

Good news: ESPN Jeopardy? Sign me up! (The program is not to be confused with Monday Night Garibaldi Coach’s Corner Sports Trivia, which began circa 2014.)

They said it: “That’s the way the pickle squirts.” – Bing Russell, American actor and minor-league baseball club owner, Kurt’s father. I have to say, I’d never heard that one before!

LIV will not play its event at Bayou Oaks at the originally scheduled dates in late June. Days after reports emerged regarding Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund no longer backing the fledgling golf league, Secretary of Louisiana Economic Development Susan Bourgeois reached out to LIV Golf CEO Scott O’Neil regarding the league coming to her state. LIV officials agreed to “push back the date” due to its changing business model. Additionally, LIV has instead pitched a fall date with a different format and smaller field. Bye-bye, LIV!

Don’t be that guy! Did you hear about the guy who got himself tossed from a JetBlue flight because he wouldn’t get off his phone when the plane was taxiing out? Don’t be that guy!

Trivia #1 answer: What distress phrase, used in aviation and maritime, signals channel clearance and all other radio users must cease transmissions and clear the channel for the distressed vessel? It also initiates immediate rescue efforts and alerts emergency services. – “May Day” (declared three times consecutively)
Trivia #2: Who is Red Murdock? – Red is ‘Mr. Irrelevant’ as the last player selected in last week’s NFL draft. The Broncos’ seventh-round draft pick out of the University of Buffalo led the NCAA in career fumbles forced while founding a tutoring program in his hometown, majoring in psychology and working a part-time job. Nice!
Trivia #3: Joe Buck is closing in on a deal to host ESPN Jeopardy, looking to air this summer. This will not be the first time the Jeopardy! franchise has had an offshoot dedicated to sports trivia. Sports Jeopardy! previously aired on Crackle from 2014 through 2016. Who hosted the program during that time? – Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, Stuart Scott, Matt Barrie, Linda Cohn, Rich Eisen – It was hosted by Dan Patrick

I saw a guy at Starbucks yesterday with no iPhone, no tablet, no laptop. He just sat there… drinking coffee… like a psychopath.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy May Day!

“And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am”

Goo Goo Dolls (Iris)

Here’s a little pick-me-up for ya. (Speaking of pick-me-up, be sure to come visit me downtown this afternoon. We can discuss how the Bruins and Celtics may leave us high and dry with the Red Sox.)

Briefly. (I enjoyed, as always, the NFL draft last night. I did not enjoy the Bruins or Red Sox games. I’m a little tired this morning…)

I remember the first year we were married. One rainy Saturday, our afternoon, outdoor plans were canceled. I asked my wife what she was going to do all afternoon. She said she wanted to restuff some decorative pillows. She sent me to the fabric store to buy some cotton batting. I went out and drove right past the fabric store and went to the Club and drank beer all afternoon… Gone, but not for cotton.

Trivia #1: Who is Vincent Damon Furnier?
Trivia #2: The Red Sox Aroldis Chapman is third all-time in strikeouts by a relief pitcher. Which of the following are first and second? – Billy Wagner, Rich Gossage, Craig Kimbrel, Hoyt Wilhelm, Jesse Orosco, Kenley Jansen, Mariano Rivera, Bob Montgomery
Trivia #3: What team was involved in the only two, Stanley Cup Game 7’s that went to overtime? – New York Rangers, Boston Bruins, Montreal Canadiens, Detroit Red Wings, Toronto Maple Leafs, Newburyport Clippers
Trivia #4: Which NBA player was the first to win two NBA Finals MVP awards? – Michael Jordan, Willis Reed, Wilt Chamberlain, Larry Bird, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Jerry West, Mike Marcoux

On this date: April 24, 1459, Fra Mauro completes his Map of the World in Venice for King Alfonso V of Portugal – largest known world map from Medieval Europe and the first to show Africa as a free-standing continent
April 24, 1704, First continuously published newspaper in America, The Boston News-Letter, is published in Boston by John Campbell
April 24, 1908, Mr. & Mrs. Jacob Murdock and their children depart Los Angeles in a Packard Thirty, endeavoring to become 1st family to travel across United States by car; arrive in NYC 32 days, 5 hours and 25 minutes later
April 24, 1956, AL umpire Frank Umont is 1st to wear glasses in a regular season game
April 24, 1979, US State of Georgia designates Ray Charles’ rendition of “Georgia On My Mind” (written by Hoagy Carmichael and Stuart Gorrell) as official state song
April 24, 2018, Streaming music services overtake worldwide sales of CDs and vinyl for the first time

It’s one of those years, a great time to be a Boston sports fan.

I’ll only comment on Mike Vrabel briefly. I really can’t be bothered with this crap. I will say I believe he is finished as the coach of the New England Patriots. D-U-N

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The United States faces a growing wildfire threat in the coming months, with fires in 2026 forecast to burn between 5.5 and 8 million acres across the country. – Now, that’s a tragic prediction, I get it, but it’s also a pretty ridiculous disparity (5.5-8). Useless, I say.

Article I’ll skip: Scott Baio admits producers wanted him gone from ‘Happy Days’ for not doing his job

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: At a Beijing half marathon trial, a humanoid robot went down hard right before the start line, literally breaking apart. The robot tripped on the elevated, protective mat used to hide wires that were running across the street. The robot face-planted before kicking its legs around as pieces flew.

Good news: Billionaire Michael Dell and his wife, Susan Dell, have become the first donors to give more than $1 billion to the University of Texas at Austin, funding a massive new medical research campus and hospital system powered by artificial intelligence. The couple’s latest investment includes a $750 million gift to help build the UT Dell Medical Center, a planned “AI-native” hospital expected to open in 2030 as part of a more than 300-acre advanced research campus.

Don’t be that guy! Don’t litter… anything… at all!

Trivia #1 answer: Who is Vincent Damon Furnier? – Alice Cooper
Trivia #2 answer: The Red Sox Aroldis Chapman is third all-time in strikeouts by a relief pitcher. Which of the following are first and second? – Billy Wagner, Rich Gossage, Craig Kimbrel, Hoyt Wilhelm, Jesse Orosco, Kenley Jansen, Mariano Rivera, Bob Montgomery – Rich Gossage (2^nd), Hoyt Wilhelm (1^st)
Trivia #3 answer: What team was involved in the only two, Stanley Cup Game 7’s that went to overtime? – New York Rangers, Boston Bruins, Montreal Canadiens, Detroit Red Wings, Toronto Maple Leafs, Newburyport Clippers – The Detroit Red Wings (1950 & 1954)
Trivia #4 answer: Which NBA player was the first to win two NBA Finals MVP awards? – Michael Jordan, Willis Reed, Wilt Chamberlain, Larry Bird, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Jerry West, Mike Marcoux – Willis Reed

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Pigs-in-a-Blanket Day! (And ‘Happy Birthday’ to brother, Paul! The last day of the year we are the same age.)

“Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you

I said Georgia, oh Georgia
No peace I find (peace I find)
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind (Georgia on my mind)”

Ray Charles (Georgia On My Mind)

The following was sent to me and has to be shared as a bonus. It’s a little long and may be a little much for some of you. I mean, Neil appears outright angry!

Briefly. (My son’s wedding was great, thanks for asking.)

Sylvester Stallone said he wants to make a movie about classical music. He says, “I’ll be Beethoven.” Jean Claude van Damme says, “Okay, I’ll be Mozart.” Arnold Schwarzenegger says, “I’ll be Bach.”

Trivia #1: After a major renovation, including a hand-operated electronic scoreboard, Fenway Park in Boston re-opened in what year? – 1934, 1936, 1938, 1939, 1940
Trivia #2: In 1947, Jackie Robinson’s first hit was what? – A bunt single, a single, a double, a triple, a homerun
Trivia #3: What is the meaning of a yellow cap on a bottle of coke? Hint: It’s a seasonal thing.
Trivia #4: What was the last year that both the Bruins and Celtics made it to the finals for the championship?

On this date: April 17, 642, Chindasuinth becomes the Visigothic King of Hispania after deposing King Tulga in a coup and tonsuring him (making him a monk)
April 17, 1492, Christopher Columbus signs a contract with Spanish monarchs King Ferdinand II of Aragon and Queen Isabella I to find the “Indies” with the stated goal of converting people to Catholicism. This promises him 10% of all riches found and the governorship of any lands encountered.
April 17, 1860, Champion of England Tom Sayers and American John Heenan fight a brutal 2-hour, 27-minute draw that ends only after police stop the fight near Farnborough in England, acknowledged as the first world title bout
April 17, 1907, Ellis Island, New York records 11,745 immigrants
April 17, 1963, NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle suspends Green Bay Packers halfback Paul Hornung and Detroit Lions defensive tackle Alex Karras indefinitely for betting on football games – Note: Both are in the NFL Hall of Fame. Hey, MLB, where’s Pete Rose?
April 17, 1999, Rock for the Rainforest benefit concert held at Carnegie Hall, NYC; performers include: Sting, Elton John, James Taylor, Billy Joel, Tony Bennett, Don Henley, Ricky Martin and Charles Aznavour
April 17, 2015, after 108 years, a “message in a bottle” placed in the sea by the UK Marine Biological Association is found on a beach on the island of Amrum, Germany

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Fredric Baur – the mastermind behind stacking chips in a can. His burial wishes were for his ashes to be buried in a Pringles can. After he passed, his family respectfully brought the original flavored Pringle can on their way to the funeral home for the collection of his ashes.

Buckle up, it’s playoff season! Bruins/Sabres, Celtics/76ers. Now I can finally watch the Celtics. Did you bet the Bruins preseason? They were +5500. The Celtics? They were +550.

Speaking of springtime… it’s that time of year when everyone gets back outside after the long winter. One etiquette reminder – as State Farm says, “like a good neighbor… stay over there.”

Article I’ll skip: Singer D4vd held without bail after 14-year-old’s dismembered body found in his Tesla (D4vd? Wait… what?)

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: U.S. officials have issued a travel advisory for a budget-friendly European tourist destination popular for its Adriatic coastline. Tirana, Albania, is the subject of a travel advisory issued by the U.S. Embassy in Albania on April 1. – Folks, may I suggest you heed this warning. Don’t vacation in Albania!

Good news: Google is contributing $10 million to the Manufacturing Institute to support new artificial intelligence (AI) training for 40,000 manufacturing workers. Funding for the initiative is coming from Google.org’s AI Opportunity Fund and will go to the Manufacturing Institute (MI), the nonprofit workforce development and education affiliate of the National Association of Manufacturers.

Don’t be that guy! Don’t wear a V-neck sweater to an outdoor sporting event but, if you have to, don’t tuck it in!

Trivia #1 answer: After a major renovation, including a hand-operated electronic scoreboard, Fenway Park in Boston re-opened in what year? – 1934, 1936, 1938, 1939, 1940 – It reopened in 1934
Trivia #2 answer: In 1947, Jackie Robinson’s first hit was what? – A bunt single, a single, a double, a triple, a homerun – His first hit was a bunt single
Trivia #3 answer: What is the meaning of a yellow cap on a bottle of coke? Hint: It’s a seasonal thing. – On Passover, observant Jews refrain from eating leavened foods or foods with leavening ingredients. Yellow caps on Coke bottles indicate the soda is kosher, or fit, for drinking on Passover. It’s made with Coke’s original recipe of sucrose instead of corn syrup.
Trivia #4 answer: What was the last year that both the Bruins and Celtics made it to the finals for the championship? – 1974

Anything you do after getting drunk is not you, it’s AI. Alcohol Intelligence.

I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Ellis Island Family History Day!

30 days sober! Not consecutively, but here and there over the years. I’m estimating.

“And when my mind is free
You know a melody can move me
And when I’m feelin’ blue
The guitar’s comin’ through to soothe me

Thanks for the joy that you’ve given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You’ve helped me along
Makin’ me strong”

Dobie Gray (Drift Away)

Briefly.

Me: I’ll have the sloppy Joe.
My wife: This is a fancy restaurant, you idiot.
Me: Apologies. I’ll have the uncouth Joseph.
Waiter: Excellent choice, sir.

Trivia #1: Which U.S. President was awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws (LL.D.) degree from Harvard, though he did not attend the university?
Trivia #2: Who’s newborn baby was featured on the first-ever cover of TV Guide in 1953? – Lucille Ball, Betty White, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Tylor, Doris Day
Trivia #3: In the 1969-70 regular season, the Boston Bruins had 4 players in the top 13 scorers in the league. Name them.
Trivia #4: After the Red Sox broke the 86-year curse and won the World Series in 2004, the 2005 home opener featured the raising of the championship banner. Which two players raised the banner? – Johnny Pesky, Carlton Fisk, Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, Louis Tiant, Jerry Remy, Bob Montgomery
Trivia #5: What is the nickname for Illinois State University?
Trivia #6: Artemis was the Greek goddess of what? – Marriage, Hunt, Agriculture, Hearth, Wisdom, Love, Earth

How is it that female NFL line judge Robin DeLorenzo can be fired “following three seasons of documented underperformance,” but MLB umpire CB Buckner still has a job?

On this date: April 3, 419, Antipope Eulalius loses to Pope Boniface I after both were elected in a dual election and becomes bishop of Napete
April 3, 1860, Start of the Pony Express, mail is delivered by horse and rider relay teams between St. Joseph, Missouri and Sacramento, California
April 3, 1882, Wood block alarm invented, when alarm rang, it dropped 20 wood blocks
April 3, 1933, Then longest North American hockey game requires a 1:44:46 overtime as Maple Leaf Ken Doraty scores to beat Canadiens 1-0 (Would you rather that than a shootout?)
April 3, 1968, Science fiction film “Planet of the Apes”, starring Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowell, opens nationally in the United States
April 3, 1988, Mario Lemieux wins NHL scoring title, stopping Gretzky’s 7 year streak
April 3, 2007, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards denies saying he smoked his father’s ashes in an interview with NME

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Tiger Woods leaving US for overseas treatment after DUI arrest

Good news: The Red Sox didn’t lose yesterday.

Article I’ll skip: 20 Facts About the Dark Side of Popeye That Most Fans Never Figured Out

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The rapid rise of weight-loss injections is reshaping the quantity of food people eat — leaving farmers in some areas with a growing surplus of unsold potatoes. Farmers across the United Kingdom, for example, say they’re facing the prospect of discarding thousands of tons of stored potatoes as their sales continue to fall.

Hey, Red Sox Nation, calm the f*k down!

Trivia #1 answer: Which U.S. President was awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws (LL.D.) degree from Harvard, though he did not attend the university? – George Washington (in 1776)
Trivia #2 answer: Who’s newborn baby was featured on the first-ever cover of TV Guide in 1953? – Lucille Ball, Betty White, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Tylor, Doris Day – Lucille Ball (Desi Arnaz Jr.)
Trivia #3 answer: In the 1969-70 regular season, the Boston Bruins had 4 players in the top 13 scorers in the league. Name them. – Bobby Orr (1^st with 120 pts), Phil Esposito (2^nd with 99 pts), John “Pie” McKenzie (12^th with 70 pts) and Johnny Bucyk (13^th with 69 pts)
Trivia #4 answer: After the Red Sox broke the 86-year curse and won the World Series in 2004, the 2005 home opener featured the raising of the championship banner. Which two players raised the banner? – Johnny Pesky, Carlton Fisk, Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, Louis Tiant, Jerry Remy, Bob Montgomery – Johnny Pesky and Carl Yastrzemski
Trivia #5 answer: What is the nickname for Illinois State University? – The Redbirds
Trivia #6 answer: Artemis was the Greek goddess of what? – Marriage, Hunt, Agriculture, Hearth, Wisdom, Love, Earth – She was the Greek goddess of (the) hunt

Fear not, there is still a place to get gas for under $2… Taco Bell

Enjoy the Final Four. I’ll be on a long flight enjoying nothing but uninterrupted (I hope!) basketball.

I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Tweed Day!

Some people call it “boxwine.” I call it “cardboardeaux.” It feels fancier that way.

Give me a little credit for getting this out on the morning of the Red Sox Home Opener, before I board the train to Boston. Also, I will be taking next Friday off as I travel to Seattle to celebrate my birthday, as well as my son’s wedding, in that order…

If you were subscribed at the time, and paying attention, you would have realized that last week’s song (I’m Your Captain by Grand Funk Railroad) was featured here on August 12, 2022, same video. My first repeat of a video.

“Saturday summers, when I was a kid
We’d run to the schoolyard and here’s what we did
We’d pick out the captains and we’d choose up the teams
It was always a measure of my self-esteem
Cuz the fastest, the strongest, played shortstop and first
The last ones they picked were the worst
I never needed to ask, it was sealed,
I just took up my place in right field.
Playing…

Right field, it’s easy, you know.
You can be awkward and you can be slow
That’s why I’m here in right field
Just watching the dandelions grow”

Peter, Paul and Mary – (Right Field)

Go Sox!

Briefly.

No debt, ideal weight, 8 hours of sleep every night, mental health on track, the right nutrition, zero alcohol – this was my peak. I was eight… Good times

Trivia #1: “ABS” Challenge in MLB. What does it stand for?
Trivia #2: What color is a polar bear’s skin?
Trivia #3: Who holds the Red Sox record for homeruns by a rookie? – Walt Dropo, Fred Lynn, Tony Conigliaro, Carl Yastrzemski, Mo Vaughn, Jerry Remy

On this date: March 27, 196 BC, The Rosetta Stone and others like it are inscribed with the Decree of Memphis proclaiming the rule of the King of Ptolemaic Egypt, Ptolemy V
March 27, 1790, The modern shoelace with an aglet patented in England by Harvey Kennedy
March 27, 1794, Naval Act of 1794 is signed by President George Washington, authorizing the building of six frigates and establishing a permanent US Navy
March 27, 1884, First long-distance telephone call, Boston to New York
March 27, 1972, Adolph Rupp retires after 42 years of coaching University of Kentucky
March 27, 1973, 45th Academy Awards: “The Godfather”, Marlon Brando & Liza Minnelli win; Brando declines the Oscar for Best Actor to protest Hollywood’s portrayal of Native Americans in film, in a speech by activist Sacheen Littlefeather
March 27, 1995, 67th Academy Awards: “Forrest Gump”, Jessica Lange & Tom Hanks win

Go Sox!

Did you know there are three places you can stay for free? In your lane, out of my way and WAY over there.

One of the new food items at Fenway Park – Lobstah Poutine. The dish, which comes in a boat-shaped box, comes with Cavendish Farms fries and Luke’s Lobster meat. It’s then topped with bacon, and clam chowder (instead of gravy). 

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: See trivia question #2.

Look, I can’t stand Lebron James. Never liked him, never have, never will. I will say this; He recently broke the record for career games played at 1,612. He is currently averaging 21 points, 6 rebounds and 6.9 assists per game. Pretty sick. I still can’t stand him.

Good news: The mound visit Carter Baumler received Monday night from Texas Rangers manager Skip Schumaker wasn’t to remove the rookie right-hander from his last spring training outing, but rather to let him know he made the opening day roster. Schumaker emerged from the dugout after Baumler retired the first two Kansas City Royals batters in the fifth inning. Texas catcher Danny Jansen and all four infielders were also on the mound when the new Rangers skipper told the 24-year-old reliever he will start the season in the Texas bullpen. Great story.

Article I’ll skip: Ted Danson admits he can be a “d—k” after wife’s blunt wake-up call

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A year after the actor’s death, a generative AI version of Val Kilmer will co-star in an independent film, in one of the boldest uses yet of artificial intelligence in moviemaking. First Line Films announced Wednesday that Kilmer has posthumously joined the cast of a film titled “As Deep as the Grave.” The producers said that, before his death, Kilmer had signed on to perform in the movie but was unable to because of his health. Kilmer’s estate gave permission for his digital replication, and is being compensated for it. (Gee thanks, Dad!)

Trivia #1 answer: “ABS” Challenge in MLB. What does it stand for? – Automated Ball-Strike
Trivia #2 answer: What color is a polar bear’s skin? – Polar bears have black skin beneath their fur, which absorbs solar radiation to help them retain warmth in the Arctic, while their fur is actually transparent and hollow rather than white. Their skin turns from pink at birth to black within a few months, and they have a thick, insulated layer of fat.
Trivia #3: Who holds the Red Sox record for homeruns by a rookie? – Walt Dropo, Fred Lynn, Tony Conigliaro, Carl Yastrzemski, Mo Vaughn, Jerry Remy – Walt Dropo (34 in 1950)

I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Joe Day! (Really)

Come on down and let me serve you a drink this afternoon. Let’s talk about the undefeated Red Sox.

Speaking of the Red Sox… Remember Kristian Campbell? Last season, the Red Sox’ rookie flashed his talent and opened eyes throughout Boston to the tune of an 8-year, $60M contract. Ya, he was recently optioned to Triple-A.

My friend Phillip had his lip removed. Now we just call him Phil.

“I can feel the hand of a stranger
And it’s tightening around my throat
Heaven help me, Heaven help me
Take this stranger from my boat

I’m your captain, I’m your captain
Though I’m feeling mighty sick
Everybody, listen to me
And return me my ship”

Grand Funk Railroad (I’m Your Captain)