Blog

Friday, April 2, 2021

Briefly.

I got a book the other day titled, “A Guide to Surgical Procedures.” I opened it up and the appendix was missing…

Trivia #1: Which of the following players did not finish in the top 10 in last November’s 2020 Masters tournament? – Cameron Smith, Mark Leishman, Rory McIlroy, Patrick Reed, Justin Thomas, Dustin Johnson, C.T. Pan

Trivia #2: Who is Jean Dolores Schmidt?

Trivia #3: What United States city hosts the Findley Market Day parade which marks the start of the major league baseball season, as well as the start of spring? – Cleveland, Oakland, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Cincinnati, Chicago, Houston

The Yankees are winless. Just sayin’.

The Masters kicks off next Thursday, April 8, right on schedule! The winner? How about Xander Schauffele?

Unfortunately, it is here to stay. What? Extra innings in MLB will start with a runner on second base. With an instant rally in place, viewership on MLB.tv of extra innings as much as doubled in 2020 compared to 2016-19, according to MLB figures. Also, extra inning games ended in the 10th inning 69% percent of the time last year, up from 46% in 2017-19.

Good news: In local good news, the Haverhill Exchange Club, in collaboration with the City of Haverhill, is planning something special for this Memorial Day, when it unveils throughout the downtown and on the Basiliere and Comeau bridges honoring veterans and people currently serving in the military. The 2×4 foot banners are very well constructed, I think, and the initiative is something that communities across the country are using to showcase their support for the brave men and women who have served and serve their country and local communities.

The NFL will play one fewer exhibition game from now on, good. It will also play a 17-game, regular season schedule, good (I think??)

Quote for the week: “When you practice intuitive eating, one of three things can happen: Your weight can go up, it can go down or it can stay the same” Valery Kallen, a registered dietitian and founder of Nourished Nutrition Therapy.  

Quote for the week, part deux: “Pretty good move for a guy the size of a Coke machine.” – Celtics’ play-by-play announcer, Mike Gorman on Zion Williamson

In his last three Opening Day games, the Red Sox’ new leadoff hitter, Kiki Hernandez has gone 6 for 10 with three homers and three walks.

Speaking of the Red Sox, how about 90 wins this season?

Remember: When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so that it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips.

It was 50 years ago yesterday that the Rolling Stones (the World’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band) announced the new Rolling Stones record label as well as their iconic logo.

April Fools?? Now there are pranks and there is sheer stupidity. A 57-year old woman will be charged with disrupting public service and inducing a panic for calling her sister yesterday and saying something to the effect that a guy had been fired the day before and had come back to the office with a gun. She said everyone was hiding in a locked office and to call police. Well, she did call 911 and you can take it from there.

Fishing records are being broken in multiple states in record numbers. Jacob Bernhardt caught a 20.1 inch, 3.42 pound longnose sucker from the Missouri River in Montana. That is the 5th fishing record broken in Montana in less than a year. Last year in Idaho, more than two dozen catch and release records were reported.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Doubleheaders in MLB will be played with each game lasting only 7 innings, barring extras.

R.I.P. – G. Gordon Liddy (90) – A former FBI agent and Army veteran, was convicted of conspiracy, burglary and illegal wiretapping for his role in the Watergate burglary, which led to the resignation of President Richard Nixon.

Trivia #1 answer: Which of the following players did not finish in the top 10 in last November’s 2020 Masters tournament? – Cameron Smith, Mark Leishman, Rory McIlroy, Patrick Reed, Justin Thomas, Dustin Johnson, C.T. Pan – Mark Leishman (13th)

Trivia #2 answer: Who is Jean Dolores Schmidt? – She is Sister Jean, the 101-year old nun and team chaplain and #1 fan of the Loyola-Chicago men’s basketball team

Trivia #3: What United States city hosts the Findley Market Day parade which marks the start of the major league baseball season, as well as the start of spring? – Cleveland, Oakland, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Cincinnati, Chicago, Houston – Cincinnati

Be careful out there and “Play Ball!”

“Time can tear down a building or destroy a woman’s face
Hours are like diamonds, don’t let them waste
Time waits for no one, no favours has he
Time waits for no one, and it won’t wait for me”

– The Rolling Stones

Friday, March 26, 2021

Briefly.

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell “orange” and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.

Trivia #1: What is Arachibutyrophobia?

Trivia #2: Oklahoma men’s basketball coach Lon Kruger is retiring after 45 years of coaching, the past 10 with Oklahoma. He finished with a career record of 674-432 and is considered one of the most underrated coaches of all-time time. Kruger is just one of three coaches to lead five different programs to the NCAA tournament. Name the other two coaches.

Trivia #3: The Lakers’ legend Elgin Baylor is 36th on the all-time NBA/ABA scoring leaderboard. When he retired in 1972 he was then #3 behind what two players?

Great to see fans at the Boston Garden last night, albeit only a fraction of capacity. The Bruins responded with a spirited(?) effort only to lose in OT. The B’s are struggling but things could be worse. (see the next line…)

Last night the NHL’s Buffalo Sabres fell to the Pittsburgh Penguins 4-0, dropping their record to 6-22-4. Buffalo’s current 16 winless streak is the 4th longest in NHL history. Up next for the Sabres… the Bruins tomorrow afternoon. Stay tuned.

Good news: Hmmm. The snow is melting here in the northeast??

Abilene Christian University president Phil Shubert said the school is up $120 million-plus thanks to their NCAA men’s basketball tournament run which included a first round upset of Texas. The article does not clarify where the revenue streamed from.

I’m a Bruins fan and a Celtics fan and try to catch both when I can. These days, on nights when neither is playing, when it comes to sporting events I can’t bring myself to watch the NBA and am often hard-pressed to watch the NHL. Just sayin’.

Quote for the week: “He might be the greatest player I ever saw. He was doing things that Dr. Julius Erving made famous 20 years later, hang time and so forth. But Elgin didn’t have TV exposure. Nobody did in those days.” – Legendary Lakers’ play-by-play man Chick Hearn regarding recently deceased Elgin Baylor.

Article I’ll skip: Meghan Markle, Prince Henry’s tell-all interview ‘did bother’ Prince Albert II of Monaco.

The Celtics acquired guard Evan Fournier from Orlando. A move to make a move?? I don’t get it. I didn’t see the need for another guard. Hey, what do I know?? I’m sure Marcus Smart is thrilled!

Wanna get away? – How about the person ultimately responsible for the giant container ship that has been run aground since Tuesday, blocking the East-West waterway of Egypt’s Suez Canal. Around 10% of world trade flows through the canal, which is particularly crucial for the transport of oil.

In Olympic news… the summer games are set to begin July 23 in Tokyo. That’s in Japan. On Saturday, Tokyo Olympic organizers and the IOC announced a ban on fans from abroad attending the games.

If only snooze minutes were as long as a microwave minute.

Next Thursday, April 1st, is MLB Opening Day. The world will be right, again.

Carter Kerr was born at Cape Canaveral Hospital on March 21 (3/21) at 3:21 p.m. in the 321 area code. If that’s not enough, the newborn baby’s room looks out over Florida’s Space Coast, where people can view rocket launches after the “3-2-1” countdown. (is that last part a reach??)

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Miller Light, the Molson Coors subsidiary, is selling three signature candles to celebrate the reopening of restaurants and bars across the U.S. and Canada. The trio of scents – “Dive Bar”, “Beer Garden” and “Game Day” aromas get the buzz going for the future – will also pay it forward for a good cause.

R.I.P. – John “Johnny I” Ianazzo (61) – Local great guy who will be missed.

Trivia #1 answer: What is Arachibutyrophobia? – The fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth

Trivia #2 answer: Oklahoma’s men’s basketball coach Lon Kruger is retiring after 45 years of coaching, the past 10 with Oklahoma. He finished with a career record of 674-432 and is considered one of the most underrated coaches of all-time time. Kruger is just one of three coaches to lead five different programs to the NCAA tournament. Name the other two coaches. – Rick Pitino and Tubby Smith

Trivia #3: The Lakers’ legend Elgin Baylor is 36th on the all-time NBA/ABA scoring leaderboard. When he retired in 1972 he was then #3 behind what two players? – Wilt Chamberlain and Oscar Robertson

Be careful out there.“Hey you with the pretty face
Welcome to the human race
A celebration
Mr. Blue Sky’s up there waitin’
And today
Is the day we’ve waited for
Ooorrr

Oh, Mr. Blue Sky
Please tell us why
You had to hide away
For so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?”

– Electric Light Orchestra

Friday, March 19, 2021

Briefly.

Words cannot express how limited my vocabulary is.

Trivia #1: When was the last time both the Notre Dame men’s and women’s basketball teams failed to qualify for the NCAA basketball tournament?

Trivia #2: When was the last time both the Duke University men’s and women’s basketball teams failed to qualify for the NCAA basketball tournament?

Trivia #3: After last night’s 4-1 win over the Buffalo Sabres, David Krejci moved into 8th place all-time in points (702) for the Boston Bruins. Which two players are not in the top five? – Brad Marchand, Rick Middleton, Ray Bourque, Bobby Orr, Patrice Bergeron, Phil Esposito

Trivia #4: Why are their two play-in games amongst 11th seeded teams in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament?

Trivia #5: When was the last time the Duke men’s basketball team did not win 20+ games in a season? (they were 13-11 this year) – ’95-’96, -’01-’02, ’11-’12, ’87-’88, ’99-’00, ’78-‘79

So much for Michigan State’s men’s coach Tom Izzo leading the Spartans to the Final Four in my bracket!!! – Good thing the deadline is today at noon for entry.

Nearly 99% of NCAA men’s basketball games were played this past season. That’s pretty remarkable given the COVID-19 protocols.

The f*ckin’ Catalina Wine Mixer.

The last team left out of the men’s basketball tournament, Louisville, is on stand-by in case a team needs to drop due to COVID-19 protocols. Now, the chair of the tournament selection committee was Mitch Barnhart who happens to be the athletic director at Kentucky. Kentucky don’t like Louisville, go figure.

Good news: Traci Carter has done more than lead the University of Hartford to their first NCAA men’s basketball tournament appearance. Carter, a 24-year old graduate transfer, started The Anchors Camp after his brother was slain last summer in their hometown of Philadelphia. City kids travel to a farm near tiny Madison, New York, where they participate in traditional camp activities but also tour Colgate University to learn basic skills such as plumbing, electrical work, or how to cut hair.

Quote for the week: “Part of me wishes he was here so I could rub it in his face a little bit more.” – Justin Thomas referring to Tiger Woods last Sunday after Thomas had won the Players Championship.

Well that was quick! Last week we reported that Alex Ovechkin had scored his 715th goal to move within two goals of Phil Esposito for 6th all-time. Ovechkin now has 718.

The effort was there… I guess. Anastasia Hanson, 56, of California, started a GoFundMe page to pay off the mortgage on Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s $14.6 million California estate. After raising a measly $110, ($5 from her!) the page was shut down.

Tom Brady has given out what allegedly is his cell number. He said that sharing his number will be a tool to allow him to communicate more directly with fans and followers. Rule number one, “no texting on game days.” It is unclear whether a text to the number is actually delivered to Brady’s personal cell hone. I have not, and will not, text him, but for you – (415) 612-1737.

The “’Old ball-n-chain?” A Ukraine couple (28 and 33 years old) handcuffed themselves together on Valentine’s Day as a pledge to strengthen their on-again, off-again relationship. They have pledged to be handcuffed to each other for three months. Amongst other daily activities that takes getting used to, the couple say they take turns using the bathroom, their hand stretched inside.

So this is the time for “Legal Tampering” in the NFL. Gotta love that term!

Call me a homer, I am, but I have to laugh at the critics who think the New England Patriots will suck this season because teams that spend wildly on free agents typically don’t fair well. Now that’s sound reasoning!

Article I’ll skip: “Reason for A-Rod/J-Lo split revealed”

Nice resume, Mr. Hendrix. But, are you experienced?

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A Fargo, North Dakota, man says he’s been receiving threatening letters from his condo association over complaints that his American flag is making too much noise on windy days.

R.I.P. Dick Hoyt (80) – Dick, of Sturbridge, MA, was a legend since the early 80’s pushing his son in his wheelchair through Boston Marathons, Hawaii’s Ironman Triathlon as well as running/biking across the country as part of a fundraiser. His son, Rick, suffered from cerebral palsy and is now in his 50’s. Dick once pushed Rick in under three hours in the Boston Marathon!

Trivia #1 answer: When was the last time both the Notre Dame men’s and women’s basketball teams failed to qualify for the NCAA basketball tournament? – 1995

Trivia #2 answer: When was the last time both the Duke University men’s and women’s basketball teams failed to qualify for the NCAA basketball tournament? – Never happened

Trivia #3 answer : After last night’s 4-1 win over the Buffalo Sabres, David Krejci moved into 8th place all-time in points for the Boston Bruins. Which two players is not in the top five? – Brad Marchand, Rick Middleton, Ray Bourque, Bobby Orr, Patrice Bergeron, Phil Esposito – Brad Marchand and Bobby Orr

Trivia #4 answer: Why are their two play-in games amongst 11th seeded teams in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament? – The four teams that play in the 11-seed play-in games are the last four “at-large” teams that qualify for the tournament, as opposed to the last four teams overall. Those four teams play in the 16-seed play-in games.

Trivia #5 answer: When was the last time the Duke Men’s basketball team did not win 20+ games in a season? (they were 13-11 this year) – ’95-’96, -’01-’02, ’11-’12, ’87-’88, ’99-’00, ’78-’79 – The answer is 1995-1996 (18-13)

Be careful out there and enjoy the games.

“Gimme the ball
I’ll go one-on-one against the world, left-handed
I could stuff it from center court with my toes
I could jump on top of the backboard,
Take off a quarter, leave fifteen cents change, I could,
I could dribble behind my back
I got more moves than Ex-Lax, I’m bad
I could dribble with my tongue
Here I go down the court, try to stop me
You can’t stop me ‘cause I got a Basketball Jones
Here I come, that’s my hook shot with my eyebrow
Yeah, I could dunk it with my nose
I’m, I’m bad as King Kong,
Gimme the ball. I’m hot, I’m hot as… I’m hot as… uh, uh, uh, uh, uh

Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, Basketball Jones”

– Cheech and Chong (featuring Tyrone Shoelaces)

Friday, March 12, 2021

Briefly.

Remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… except for bears. Bears will kill you.

Trivia #1: The Washington Capitals’ Alex Ovechkin scored his 715th career goal last night moving him two goals shy of 6th place Phil Esposito (717). Who is #5 (731)?

Trivia #2: Last week we learned Cameron Champ has the longest drive on the PGA tour this season (424 yards). Champ is 4th overall in average driving distance. Which two golfers are not ahead of him in the top 3? – Dustin Johnson, Rory McIlroy, Wyndham Clark, Bryson DeChambeau, Matthew Wolff

Trivia #3: What MLB player has the most career Opening Day hits? – Pete Rose, Ichiro Suzuki, Derek Jeter, Tony Gwynn, Cal Ripken Jr., Ted Williams, Willie Mays

DYK: Of the top 12 goal scorers of all-time, Alex Ovechkin is second with 262 PPG’s and dead last with only 4 SHG’s.

I hope you up here in the Northeast enjoyed yesterday’s 70 degree weather. The next day forecasted to be above 60 degrees is April 15.

Opening Day – 20 days away.

A true classic, I see that Geico is replaying an old commercial with Dikembe Mutombo blocking everything from trash being thrown at a trashcan to a box of cereal being thrown into a shopping cart. Great one!

It’s Madness, I tell you! March Madness!

Good news: A man was walking his 5-year German Shepard (Diesel) when the dog began to bark. The dog’s owner, who was wearing earbuds, knew something was up. He removed his earbuds and heard a man crying for help. A 22-year old man had fallen through the ice on a nearby pond. The dog owner called 911 and, along with another man, pulled the victim from the ice with a branch.

Are you filling out a bracket this year???

Since letting up 13 goals in back-to-back games two weeks ago, the Bruins have let up 7 goals in their past 6 games, shutting out the Rangers last night.

Interviewer: “What’s your greatness weakness?”
Me: “Honesty”
Interviewer: “I don’t think that honesty is a weakness.”
Me: “I don’t give a shit what you think.”

Be appreciative for what you have.

Quote for the week: “…And I feel terrible that I’m getting stopped, accosted, asking for passes, everybody in this building should know who the hell I am…” – Poor Patrick Ewing who was stopped by security in Madison Square Garden

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: In its latest update, Dictionary.com added hundreds of new words including two, “cromulent” and “embiggen”, both inspired by a 1996 episode of The Simpsons.

Kyrie Irving (40 points) came back to haunt the Celtics once again as the Brooklyn Nets beat up on the Celtics 121-109 last night. The Celtics need to make at least one move in order to hang with the Nets.

Trivia #1 answer: The Washington Capitals’ Alex Ovechkin scored his 715th career goal last night moving him two goals shy of 6th place Phil Esposito (717). Who is #5 (731)? – Marcel Dionne (731)

Trivia #2 answer: Last week we learned Cameron Champ has the longest drive on the PGA tour this season (424 yards). Champ is 4th overall in average driving distance. Which two golfers are not ahead of him in the top 3? – Dustin Johnson, Rory McIlroy, Wyndham Clark, Bryson DeChambeau, Matthew Wolff – Dustin Johnson and Matthew Wolff

Trivia #3: What MLB player has the most career Opening Day hits? – Pete Rose, Ichiro Suzuki, Derek Jeter, Tony Gwynn, Cal Ripken Jr., Ted Williams, Willie Mays – Pete Rose (31)

Be careful out there and have a Happy Selection Sunday!

“I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name”

– U2

Friday, March 5, 2021

Briefly.

Remember, the only thing standing between you and your dreams are your appearance, lack of talent and general personality.

Trivia #1: What two schools are not in the top five of NCAA men’s basketball tournament championships? – Kentucky, Duke, UCLA, Kansas, Indiana, UConn, North Carolina

Trivia #2: What school has the longest drought between appearances in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament? – Bowling Green, Toledo, Harvard, Yale, Rice, Brown, Dartmouth

Trivia #3: Who has the longest drive so far on the PGA tour? – Matt Jones, Cameron Champ, Dustin Johnson, Bryson DeChambeau, Connor Syme, Sergio Garcia

Baseball is starting, the NBA and NHL are in full swing, the Masters is just around the corner and NCAA men’s basketball is about to enter the conference championship season. What a great time for sports!

Did you hear about the guy whose young daughter needed to put on weight but she wasn’t eating/nursing? He made a “formula bong”, complete with funnel, and fed the baby frat-style. It worked! Brilliant!

What? You’re asking what the Red Sox’ 2021 schedule looks like? Opening Day is home, Thursday April 1 vs. Baltimore. April is their most home-friendly month with 16 games at Friendly Fenway. The month also includes their longest homestand at 10 games. They are on the road for 15 games in July with their longest road trip (9 games) running from July 30 thru August 8. Now, they don’t play the yankees until 57 games into the season, June 4 (35% into the schedule). They then go on to play them 19 times, at least twice in every remaining month and 8 times in July. Interleague games, not a fan, Mets, Philly, Atlanta, Miami and they end the season at Washington. All yawns.

Slovenian sensation Luka Doncic of the Dallas Mavericks, 22 yaers old, just had his rookie card sell for a cool $6 million. Averaging 28.5 points, 8.4 rebounds and 9 assists while shooting from the field (47.5%), three (35.15) and foul line (75.9) thru 31 games. I’ve heard him being compared to Larry Bird. He’s 22 years old.

I think you have had to attend an exhibition baseball game in warm weather to truly appreciate it. Baseball is back!

Good news: Volunteers for a California nonprofit that helps veterans and their families have finished building a wheelchair ramp for a disabled Coast Guard veteran who hadn’t left his home in two years.

For a handful of us, today is JBDD Day – John Belushi did not die day. On today’s date in 1982, Belushi was found dead of a drug overdose.

Quote for the week: “I was telling my wife, I had a root canal and my identity stolen last week and I think those were the two of my better days in the last eight days.” – Celtics’ coach Brad Stevens after the Celtics’ recent three-game losing streak amidst a 5-9 run. (The Celtics have just rebounded and won 4 in a row)

Quote for the week, part deux: “You’d get arrested these days for wearing shorts like that.” – Celtics’ commentator Mike Gorman after watching a clip of an 80’s Celtics team.

I hope I never get to the point where I need to workout in front of a mirror. I think, the older I get, the further I get from that.

The interviewer: “Can you perform under pressure?” Me: “No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody.”

The NBA Allstar break is upon us already. That was fast! Will anyone beat Steph Curry in the 3-point contest??

Speaking of the NBA… 4’2” Payton Pritchard of the Celtics (OK, he’s a little taller than that) is fun to watch. Quick as a cat he is a little gnat on defense.

And further speaking of the Red Sox… JBJ is gone, off to Milwaukee. Damn. Just two years ago the Sox had what was seen as the greatest outfield in baseball – young, talented, the sky was the limit. Now, not only has the outfield been broken up, but they are all gone – Betts, Benintendi, Bradley Jr. What a shame.

Tuukka/Halak – The hottest Bruins’ goalie combination in recent memory. I mean, do you ever say “Damn, Halak’s in net tonight?”

The Johnson & Johnson single-dose COVID-19 vaccine has been approved for use by the DFA. Great news! The vaccine was 72% efficacious in the U.S. while the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines had more than 90% efficacy. Now I understand there are some variants in those comparisons but I hope the J&J vaccine isn’t looked down upon for any reason. I can see pick-up games now: “OK, let me have all the Moderna’s over on this side and all the Pfizers over there. What kid, your Johnson & Johnson? OK, get out to right field, you’ll bat last.”

Speaking of hockey… I’m much to lazy to check for myself but is there a statistic for shots missed, as in missing the net? Now I understand some are missed on purpose for the sake of a tip-in or a rebound off the boards, but some guys just miss the net, period! There should be a stat.

Have you seen the pictures sent back from Mars by the probe Perseverance? Now look, I get it. It’s science, right? Looks to me like rocks and dust, but their telling me it’s a hole that was filled with water 3.5 billion years ago. Hmmm. There seems to be a lot of middle ground there.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Dr. Seuss’s books seem more popular than ever amid the controversy over a small selection of titles that will no longer be sold because they were deemed to have “Insensitive and racist imagery.”

I saw an ad the other day that read: “Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down!”

Trivia #1 answer: What two schools are not in the top five of NCAA men’s basketball tournament championships? – Kentucky, Duke, UCLA, Kansas, Indiana, UConn, North Carolina – Kansas & UConn

Trivia #2 answer: What school has the longest drought between appearances in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament? – Bowling Green, Toledo, Harvard, Yale, Rice, Brown, Dartmouth – Harvard (66 years – 1946-2012)

Trivia #3 answer: Who has the longest drive so far on the PGA tour? – Matt Jones, Cameron Champ, Dustin Johnson, Bryson DeChambeau, Connor Syme, Sergio GarciaCameron Champ (424 yards)

Be careful out there.

“Did you have any bad dreams, did you break any glass?
Would you be my companion, is there even a chance?
You been talkin’ in circles since I been able to cry
There’s never been any reason
For never tellin’ me why, yeah

Save my life, I’m going down for the last time
Woman with sweet lovin’ better than a white line
Save my life I’m goin’ down for the last time”

– Head East

Friday, February 26, 2021

Briefly.

She texted me, “your adorable.” I responded with, “no, you’re adorable.” Now she thinks I like her when all I did was point out her grammar mistake.

Trivia #1: What starting Goalie won the Stanley Cup as a rookie? – Steve Mason, Evgeni Nabokov, Andrew Raycroft, Cam Ward, Nikolai Khabibulin

Trivia #2: What stocks make up FAANG (an acronym for five prominent American technology companies)?

Trivia #3: True of False – Golf is the only sport to have ever been played on the moon?

People often ask; “Ed, what can you tell me about the Fan Controlled Football?” – I’ve tried but just can’t into it. I’m curious if any of you have. I received an email  from the league entitled “Sports Just Changed Forever.” Ah, no they haven’t. You created something new and are hoping it works.

PGA golfer Tony Finau is a top 15 golfer in the world and could arguably be top 5, if he could only pick up a win. Finau’s only PGA win was the 2016 Puerto Rico Open. Since then, after last week’s sudden death loss, he has 37(!) top 10 finishes, but zero wins. The next most top 10 finishes without a win is 16.

People also often ask me, (well maybe once… actually never), what is the status on Tim Tebow? The former Heisman Trophy winner and NFL quarterback retired last week from professional baseball. At 33, Tebow signed with the Mets after not playing baseball since high school. He made his way to the highest minor league rung in 2019 but did not play in 2020 due to the pandemic.

We have solar panels on our house, had them since early 2015. Each month we have to input the meter reading to an online site. Due to a combination of snow and dark skies, this past month was not only our lowest monthly reading, but it was 80% below the next lowest! Now that’s dismal!

On a positive note, the month of March begins on Monday, we set the clocks back an hour the following Saturday, the first day of spring is 23 days away and the Red Sox Opening Day is 34 days away, April 1. We’re getting there.

Good luck to Tiger Woods in his recovery from injuries in this past week’s car crash. You read the extent of his injuries and wonder if he will ever walk effortlessly again, let alone play golf. At 45 years old his next tournament, if at all, might be on the senior tour.

Government stimulus? Nah. Italy’s mafia reportedly provided stimulus for some struggling small businesses in the country during the pandemic.

The NCAA men’s basketball tournament is set to go off next month. All games will be played in an Indiana (where else?) bubble. Players, coaches and staff will need to show 7 consecutive days of negative COVID-19 tests before they can enter the bubble. Once in the bubble, they will be tested daily. Question to the more astute gamblers out there, are there odds on whether teams will have to bow out once in the bubble or, how many teams?? Could be a(nother) shitshow.

I saw a job advertised “Problem Manager.” Trust me, I am not qualified!

German professional women’s beach volleyball players Karla Borger and Julia Sude said they would not be playing in Qatar this weekend because the International Volleyball Federation (FIVB) said that teams would wear long shirts and trousers “out of respect for the culture and traditions of the host country.” Now, if you’ve watched women’s beach volleyball before you know they wear practically nothing. Anyway, the Qatar Volleyball Association made it clear that they did not make any demands regarding athletes’ attire and worked with FIVB who later did an about-face. Their decision though was too late for the German pair as the deadline for registration had already passed and they will not be playing. DOH!

In news related to nothing else here: Naomi Osaka won the Australian Open

As with any great movie, the “1986 Celtics Rewind” is a can’t-turn-the-channel event.

Walmart, the nation’s largest private employer, is raising wages for 425,000 of its nearly 1.5 million employees. The wages for 425,000 store associates in the digital and stocking workgroups would increase to a range of $13 to $19 per hour. Walmart currently pays an hourly minimum wage of $11 per hour, with the exception of where the state minimum starting wage is higher.

Quote for the week: “We cannot always build a future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

I boiled a funny bone once. It turned into a laughing stock. That’s a humerus joke.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A school employee in Maryland won’t face charges after he was allegedly spotted masturbating during a Zoom session with special education students this week. Police said the alleged behavior “did not rise to the level of a criminal offense under Maryland law”

Trivia #1 answer: What starting Goalie won the Stanley Cup as a rookie? – Steve Mason, Evgeni Nabokov, Andrew Raycroft, Cam Ward, Nikolai Khabibulin – Cam Ward (2005-2006, Carolina Hurricanes)

Trivia #2 answer: – What stocks make up FAANG (an acronym for five prominent American technology companies)? – Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, Google

Trivia #3: True of False – Golf is the only sport to have ever been played on the moon? – False, on Apollo 14 an astronaut tossed a javelin

Be careful out there.

“I will remember you
Your silhouette will change the view
Of distant atmosphere
Call it morning driving thru the sound and even in the valley

In and around the lake
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there
One mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you
Ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing too
Twenty four before my love you’ll see I’ll be there with you”

– Yes

Friday, February 19, 2021

Briefly.

Friendly tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write “sorry” on the back of the card and leave it on the windshield.

Trivia #1: What entertainer performed at Rush Limbaugh’s fourth wedding – Bon Jovi, Elton John, Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Aerosmith?

Trivia #2: What is Canada’s national sport?

Trivia #3: What are the only two states to in the United States that have yet to send a team to the NCAA men’s basketball tournament?

Though nary an inch of snow, I went out and “shoveled” the driveway and cleared my 27-year old’s car. Why? Not because I’m a nice guy. That’s certainly not the case! I did it because a) I knew he wouldn’t and b) I didn’t want his footprints in the driveway. Can you relate??

Back to the Super Bowl – Did you see Jim Nantz after the game wearing his fask mask below his nose? What a buffoon! And Commissioner Roger Goodell not wearing a mask at all after fining teams hundreds of thousands of dollars during the season? Another buffoon.

People often ask; “Ed, what can you tell me about the Fan Controlled Football?” – No, I didn’t watch last week. Apparently, there is a draft each week. Interesting, but I don’t get it.

Twitter line of the week: “Dunking on Ted Cruz is like dunking on a 3-foot rim.” – Dan Rather

Have you ever heard a woman say to another woman “Hey, girlfriend!” OK, now have you ever heard a man say to another “Hey, boyfriend!” Just sayin’.

DYK: Male ladybugs are called ladybugs. Really.

It’s not too late to put in for your SPTO day – St. Patrick’s Day Paid Time Off

Record-breaking cold and severe winter weather across most of the U.S. has forced the cancellation of American Red Cross blood drives in approximately 30 states – impacting approximately 16,000 blood, platelet and convalescent plasma donations this month. Convalescent plasma is given to coronavirus patients in an effort to boost their immune response – antibodies in the plasma from a coronavirus patient are infused into a patient still fighting the disease.

Across all of sports, season tickets holders are now referred to as season ticket “members.” Really, are they trying to make people feel less like their being screwed?

In Paul Simon’s song “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”, he mentions 5 of them! Five! Don’t tell us there are 50 ways and then only give us 5!

Is the Atlanta Hawks’ Trae Young’s hair falling out, or is it me?

Quote for the week: “The bank is open and taking deposits!” – Celtics color commentator Brian Scalabrine after the Celtics’ Jaylen Brown hit a long, buzzer-beating, 3-point bank shot.

“Perseverance”, the most technologically advanced robot NASA has ever sent into space, traveled 293 million miles to reach, and land on, Mars. It will remain on Mars for nearly two years, searching for signs of ancient life and exploring the planet’s surface. Look, don’t get me wrong, I do hope scientists find something, but really, look around you. There is a reason aliens refuse to communicate with us.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Staff at the Australian National University (ANU) in Canberra, Australia, have been encouraged to ditch the terms “mother” and “father” with the hope of being more gender-inclusive. ANU’s Gender-Inclusive Handbook has requested fathers be referred to as a “non-birthing parent” and the term “mother” be replaced with “gestational parent”, when discussing childbirth.
This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: Valparaiso University is looking for a new identity after announcing this week that it will retire the Crusaders name, logo and mascot because of “Negative connation and violence” associated with the imagery that it says has been adopted by “hate groups” and in “hate speech.” Gee whiz, I really hope “hate groups” don’t start using the term “Patriots!”

R.I.P. Rush Limbaugh (70) – Conservative media icon who for decades used his perch as the king of talk-radio to shape the politics of both the Republican Party and the nation. He was inducted into the National Radio Hall of Fame and National Association of Broadcasters Hall of Fame and in 2019 had an estimated 15.5 million listeners. Forbes Magazine had his earnings at $84.5 million per year and once listed him as the fourth most generous celebrity.

Trivia #1 answer: What entertainer performed at Rush Limbaugh’s fourth wedding – Bon Jovi, Elton John, Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Aerosmith? – Elton John

Trivia #2 answer: What is Canada’s national sport? – Lacrosse (got ya??)

Trivia #3 answer: What are the only two states to in the United States that have yet to send a team to the NCAA men’s basketball tournament? – Alaska and Maine

Be careful out there.

“Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free”

– Paul Simon

Friday, February 12, 2021

Briefly.

Back in my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled “last call!”

Trivia #1: What NBA team has Noah Vonleh NOT played for – Portland Trailblazers, Charlotte Hornets, New York Knicks, Denver Nuggets, Sacramento Kings, Minnesota Timberwolves, Chicago Bulls?

Trivia #2: Billy Conigliaro won a World Series ring with what team?

Trivia #3: With the new NHL division alignments, the Boston Bruins could meet the Montreal Canadians in the Stanley Cup Finals this season. When is the last time that happened? Bonus, what was the result?

Haverhill’s own Noah Vonleh has signed on with the new ‘Beasts of the East’, the Brooklyn Nets. It is Vonleh’s 7th team since his rookie campaign in 2014. With teammates like Harden, Kyrie and KD, my advice to Noah would be “if you touch the ball, hold on to it because you ain’t getting it back.”

Congratulations to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Tom Brady. You have to admit, his career has been incredible, to say the least. (there, I said it)

Of all the Bucs to score in the Super Bowl – Brady, Gronk, Brown, Fournette and Succop, none of them were on the Bucs last year.

Tom Brady now owns 15 Super Bowl records.

Serious question, will Patrick Mahomes bounce back from the Super Bowl?

People often ask; “Ed, what can you tell me about the Fan Controlled Football?” – Opening Day is tomorrow. Tune in on Twitch (I have to rearrange my sock drawer and may miss it)

Twitter line of the week: “Brady’s kids take yearly trip to the Super Bowl stage like it’s grandma’s house”

OK, full disclaimer, I have never eaten at a Sonics. The reason may very well be because their food looks disgusting on their commercials.

Tom Brady stat of the week: Tom Brady has a better chance of making the Super Bowl (10 of 21 seasons – 47.6%) than Steph Curry does of making a 3-pointer (career average 43.4%)

Good news: 7-year old Michael Martinez was born with cerebral palsy, leaving him unable to walk, is being hailed a hero after crawling into his parents’ bedroom and to alert them of the sound of a carbon monoxide alarm going off downstairs. All seven family members who live in the house were asleep at the time.

I love to make lists. I also like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what’s on them while at the supermarket.

What have you done for me lately? On Tuesday morning, less than two days after the Super Bowl, ESPN’s Dan Graziano reported on ESPN’s “Get Up” program – “What moves the Bucs need to make in the offseason.”

What have you done for me lately, part deux: The Red Sox have parted ways with outfielder Andrew Benintendi. I am a Benny fan, not all/many are. Once pegged as the league’s best (and young) outfield with Benny, JBJ and Mookie, JBJ is all that remains with the Red Sox and he may or may not return in 2021. Benintendi was home grown in the Red Sox’ farm system and was one pegged as the second-coming.

Speaking of Benintendi… Red Sox newly acquired outfielder Franchy Cordero (acquired in Benintendi trade) has struck out 110 times in 284 career at-bats. Wowza!

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Tom Brady, on his 2nd team, won his 7th Super Bowl, in his 21st season – 2/7/21, the date of the Super Bowl

Quote for the week: “If there’s one thing I know, it’s never to mess with Mother Nature, mother-in-law’s and mother f*cking Ukrainians.” – Skinny Pete in ‘The Italian Job’

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A Lawrence (MA) task force shut down a barbershop where a goat was slaughtered with machetes last year

R.I.P. Mary Wilson (76) – Founding member of The Supremes, the most successful female pop group of the 60’s.

R.I.P. Billy Conigliaro (73) – Drafted 5th overall by the Red Sox out of Swampscott High School in 1965, he is best known for caring for his brother Tony and helping to keep Tony’s legacy alive. DYK, in his first start big-league start in 1969, Billy hit two homeruns and one the next day. He only hit one more that season.

Trivia #1 answer: What NBA team has Noah Vonleh NOT played for – Portland Trailblazers, Charlotte Hornets, New York Knicks, Denver Nuggets, Sacramento Kings, Minnesota Timberwolves, Chicago Bulls? – The Sacramento Kings

Trivia #2 answer: Billy Conigliaro won a World Series ring with what team? – The Oakland Athletics (1973)

Trivia #3: With the new NHL division alignments, the Boston Bruins could meet the Montreal Canadians in the Stanley Cup Finals this season. When is the last time that happened? Bonus, what was the result? – 1978, Canadians won 4 games to 2.

Be careful out there.

“Why do you keep a-coming around
Playing with my heart?
Why don’t you get out of my life
And let me make a new start?
Let me get over you
The way you’ve gotten over me, hey

Set me free, why don’t you, baby
Let me be, why don’t you, baby? (ooh-ooh-ooh)
‘Cause you don’t really love me
You just keep me hanin’ on (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Now you don’t really want me
You just keep me hangin’ on”

– The Supremes

Friday, February 5, 2021

Briefly.

I saw a guy at Starbucks yesterday. No iPhone, no tablet, no laptop. He just sat there, drinking coffee… like a psychopath.

Trivia #1: In Super Bowl XXXVII, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers intercepted the Raiders’ Rich Gannon a record five times en route to a 48-21 victory. How many of those interceptions were returned for touchdowns?

Trivia #2: In Super Bowl LIV, what record did the Kansas City Chiefs break in their 31-20 win over the 49ers – Most passing yards, Most third-down conversions, Most fourth down conversions, Most third quarter points, Most fourth quarter points?

Trivia #3: Tom Brady will break a Super Bowl record when he steps onto the field on Sunday. What is the record and who is next in line?

Here you go: Tampa Bay 40, Kansas City 36 (yes, I have a 6,0 square)

People often ask; “Ed, what can you tell me about the Fan Controlled Football?” – Opening Day is February 13. Some notes: it is 7-on-7 on a 50-yard field; no kicking or special teams and the games are 1-hour long

Here are some Super Bowl prop bets, all associated on the coin toss. Heads/Tails, coin toss winner (team), player calls toss correctly, result of coin toss and game winner. I mean, really!

No two snowflakes are alike. Well, so far!

Kansas City’s left tackle Eric Fisher, all 6’7”, 306 lbs of him, tore his Achilles in the AFC Championship game two weekends ago. Step-up Mike Remmers, who was already filling in for injured right tackle, Mitchell Schwatz, will now start at left tackle. Big deal for Sunday’s game?? Tune in…

If you don’t think of Forrest Gump when you hear “Sweet Home Alabama”, you haven’t watched the movie enough times.

Good news: Let’s just wait until Sunday and see how many squares I hit

Good for them! At last week’s Farmers’ Insurance Open, Patrick Reed took controversial relief from an embedded ball on Torrey Pines’ 10th hole. On-site rules officials declared Reed’s action to have been within the rules and he went on to win by 5 shots. Well, not really. It turns out he cheated.         PointsBet, an online sports book that partners with the PGA tour is offering a refund. It posted on its Twitter account that it would refund pre-tournaments bets on all players other than Reed.

It’s been a couple of weeks but if you haven’t seen the video of Steph Curry draining 105 straight 3-pointers after practice, look it up. I counted

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Continents shift at about the same rate your fingernails grow

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination, part deux: The National Chicken Council (yes, there is such a thing) speculates that Americans will devour a record 1.42 billion chicken wings on Super Bowl Sunday, up 2% from 2020.

Hello darkness my old friend… I stood up too fast again.

Quote for the week: “What the hell is goin’ on out here?” – Vince Lombardi

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Several Wisconsin teachers have been suspended after having middle-schoolers determine punishment for slaves for an assignment given at the start of Black History Month. (what are people thinking??)

Trivia #1 answer: In Super Bowl XXXVII the Tampa Bay Buccaneers intercepted the Raiders’ Rich Gannon a record five times en route to a 48-21 victory. How many of those interceptions were returned for touchdowns? – 3

Trivia #2 answer: In Super Bowl LIV, what record did the Kansas City Chiefs break in their 31-20 win over the 49ers – Most passing yards, Most third-down conversions, Most fourth down conversions, Most third quarter points, Most fourth quarter points? – Most fourth quarter points (21)

Trivia #3 answer: Tom Brady will break a Super Bowl record when he steps onto the field on Sunday. What is the record and who is next in line? – Brady (43) will be the oldest ever to play in a Super Bowl, kicker Matt Stover (42) is the second oldest and played in Super Bowl XLIV with the Colts.

R.I.P. David “Munnsy” “The Chief” Munns (57), on May 19, 2017. Munnzy moved from Glastonbury, CT to Tampa, FL circa 1990-ish. He became a season ticket holder and devout Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan. He would have been, and should be, at the Super Bowl this Sunday. Here’s to The Chief! Go Bucs!

Be careful out there.

“And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
“What’s going on?”

And I say, hey-ey-ey
Hey-ey-ey
I said, “Hey, a-what’s going on
And I say, hey-ey-ey
Hey-ey-ey
I said, “Hey, a-what’s going on?”

– 4 Non Blondes

Friday, January 29, 2021

Briefly.

I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome!

Trivia #1: I understand that those reading this are not all from Massachusetts, just many of you… Which three Massachusetts cities are listed in the top 100 Most Dangerous Cities in the U.S. – Holyoke, Boston, Leominster, Springfield, Fall River, New Bedford?

Trivia #2: Hank Aaron is the all-time RBI leader with 2,297. What two active players are in the top 25?

Trivia #3: Who is Lawrence Harvey Zeiger?

Can you see it? Years from now when we reminisce about holidays from 2020, instead of looking at photos are we going to replay saved Zoom meetings??

People often ask; “Ed, what can you tell me about the Fan Controlled Football?” – You too can now own a piece of the pie. For a minimum investment of $150 you can buy into the league. (no thanks)

Another all-around nice win for the Bruins last night.

Super Bowl – It’s the GOAT vs. The Kid – get it?

Good news: (for the most part) – 11 of the 22 Chinese miners trapped at least 2,000 feet underground since January 10 were rescued and hauled up one-by-one in baskets from the mine in Qixia. The other 10 miners are unaccounted for. China’s mines are among the world’s deadliest and, even after a series of safety improvements, there were still 573 mine-related deaths in 2020.

Quote for the week: “A black man is getting a standing ovation in the Deep South for breaking the record of an all-time baseball idol.” – Vin Sculley, April 8, 1974 as Hank Aaron broke Babe Ruth’ career homerun record.

Quote for the week, part deux: “I can’t imagine what Hank Aaron went through in his lifetime. He had every right to be angry or militant… but he never was. He spread his grace on everything and every one he came in contact with. The epitome of class and integrity. RIP Henry Aaron.” – Former Atlanta Braves third baseman, Chipper Jones

I came across my July 23, 2007 Sports Illustrated on which Hank Aaron donned the cover. The article, written by Tom Verducci, was entitled “The People’s King.” Barry Bonds was on his way to breaking Aaron’s homerun record but Verducci wrote what was true, that Bonds’ career was marred with steroid use and Aaron’s record would remain intact for true baseball fans.

Also in that July, 2007 SI issue was an article on Philip Francis, the “can’t-miss kid”, then the reigning U.S. Junior Golf Champ and freshman-to-be at UCLA. He won 140 junior events. Guess what? He missed. What little I could find on him he played in a few PGA events on sponsors’ exemptions, tying for 34th at the ’08 John Deere Classic. Last I saw he missed the cut in his only PGA tournament in 2011 and was playing on the Mackenzie Tour in Canada in 2014. Can’t miss.

Speaking of the Hall of Fame, I don’t feel bad that Curt Schilling lost his chance to get in by a vote or two. I don’t feel bad because he is a blow-hard and that is why some baseball writer’s black-balled him. Having said that, that is not a reason to be left out. He deserves to be in.

Lastly, and I’ll get off the baseball HOF, how can anyone read recent stories about Hank Aaron and turn around and vote for steroid users for induction into the HOF???

People who write “u” instead of “you”, “r” instead of “are”, etc. What do you do with all the time you save?

22,000 fans will be in attendance for Super Bowl LV at   Raymond James Stadium, including 7,500 vaccinated health care workers who are invited as guests. Nice!

The University of Kentucky’s men’s basketball team is 5-10.

Said the middle school teacher to the student: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Student: “Oh, I don’t know. Probably a backup MLB infielder or a bought-out SEC football coach.” – That’s right. Last season in 211 at-bats, A’s infielder Marcus Semien batted .223. This week he signed a one-year, $18 million deal to play for Toronto.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Target won’t sell Thai coconut milk after probe shows product made by forced monkey labor. Two PETA investigations found that the primates are forced to pick coconuts all day with chains around their necks.

Budweiser, and now many other companies, has chosen to forgo airing its iconic commercials during the Super Bowl and will instead donate money to the Ad Council and COVID Collaborative Vaccine Education Initiative, a public health communication campaign and additional efforts to support vaccine adoption efforts. Meanwhile, Anheuser-Busch will continue to run ads for other products in its beverage portfolio, including Bud Light, Bud Light Seltzer Lemonade, Michelob ULTRA, Michelob Ultra Organic Seltzer and ads in select markets for Stella Artois and Cutwater spirits.

R.I.P. Gregory Sierra (83) – The native of Spanish Harlem in New York City played the role of Julio Fuentes in “Sanford and Son” and also played Sgt. Miguel “Chano” Amanguale in “Barney Miller.”  His notable film credits include “The Towering Inferno”, “Beneath the Planet of the Apes” and 1988’s “Vampire.” His career was also full of guest spots on iconic shows like “Magnum P.I.”, “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and “The X-Files.”

R.I.P. Hank Aaron (86) – Hall of Fame right fielder primarily with the Milwaukee/Atlanta Braves. A 21-time all-star, league MVP in 1957 (finished 3rd 6 times), 3-time Gold Glove, 755 career homeruns considered by many to be the all-time champion. A career .305 hitter. Aaron became one of the first African-American’s to hold an executive position in MLB and was corporate Vice President of community relations for Turner Broadcasting Systems. The Hank Aaron Award was created in 1999 to honor the hitter who is deemed the most effective hitter in each league.

Trivia #1 answer: I understand that those reading this are not all from Massachusetts, just many of you… Which three Massachusetts cities are listed in the top 100 Most Dangerous Cities in the U.S. – Holyoke, Boston, Leominster, Springfield, Fall River, New Bedford? – Springfield, Holyoke, Fall River

Trivia #2 answer: Hank Aaron is the all-time RBI leader with 2,297. What two active players are in the top 25? – Albert Pujols (3rd with 2,100, 40-years old) and Miguel Cabrera (24th with 1,729, 37 years old)

Trivia #3 answer: Who is Lawrence Harvey Zeiger? – Larry King

Be careful out there.

“What you get and what you see
Things that don’t come easily
Feeling happy in my vein
Icicles are in my brain

Something blowing in my hair
Winter’s ice, it soon was dead
Death would freeze my very soul
Makes me happy, makes me cold
– Black Sabbat