Author: fasted86

Briefly.

Me: I’ll have the sloppy Joe.
My wife: This is a fancy restaurant, you idiot.
Me: Apologies. I’ll have the uncouth Joseph.
Waiter: Excellent choice, sir.

Trivia #1: Which U.S. President was awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws (LL.D.) degree from Harvard, though he did not attend the university?
Trivia #2: Who’s newborn baby was featured on the first-ever cover of TV Guide in 1953? – Lucille Ball, Betty White, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Tylor, Doris Day
Trivia #3: In the 1969-70 regular season, the Boston Bruins had 4 players in the top 13 scorers in the league. Name them.
Trivia #4: After the Red Sox broke the 86-year curse and won the World Series in 2004, the 2005 home opener featured the raising of the championship banner. Which two players raised the banner? – Johnny Pesky, Carlton Fisk, Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, Louis Tiant, Jerry Remy, Bob Montgomery
Trivia #5: What is the nickname for Illinois State University?
Trivia #6: Artemis was the Greek goddess of what? – Marriage, Hunt, Agriculture, Hearth, Wisdom, Love, Earth

How is it that female NFL line judge Robin DeLorenzo can be fired “following three seasons of documented underperformance,” but MLB umpire CB Buckner still has a job?

On this date: April 3, 419, Antipope Eulalius loses to Pope Boniface I after both were elected in a dual election and becomes bishop of Napete
April 3, 1860, Start of the Pony Express, mail is delivered by horse and rider relay teams between St. Joseph, Missouri and Sacramento, California
April 3, 1882, Wood block alarm invented, when alarm rang, it dropped 20 wood blocks
April 3, 1933, Then longest North American hockey game requires a 1:44:46 overtime as Maple Leaf Ken Doraty scores to beat Canadiens 1-0 (Would you rather that than a shootout?)
April 3, 1968, Science fiction film “Planet of the Apes”, starring Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowell, opens nationally in the United States
April 3, 1988, Mario Lemieux wins NHL scoring title, stopping Gretzky’s 7 year streak
April 3, 2007, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards denies saying he smoked his father’s ashes in an interview with NME

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Tiger Woods leaving US for overseas treatment after DUI arrest

Good news: The Red Sox didn’t lose yesterday.

Article I’ll skip: 20 Facts About the Dark Side of Popeye That Most Fans Never Figured Out

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The rapid rise of weight-loss injections is reshaping the quantity of food people eat — leaving farmers in some areas with a growing surplus of unsold potatoes. Farmers across the United Kingdom, for example, say they’re facing the prospect of discarding thousands of tons of stored potatoes as their sales continue to fall.

Hey, Red Sox Nation, calm the f*k down!

Trivia #1 answer: Which U.S. President was awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws (LL.D.) degree from Harvard, though he did not attend the university? – George Washington (in 1776)
Trivia #2 answer: Who’s newborn baby was featured on the first-ever cover of TV Guide in 1953? – Lucille Ball, Betty White, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Tylor, Doris Day – Lucille Ball (Desi Arnaz Jr.)
Trivia #3 answer: In the 1969-70 regular season, the Boston Bruins had 4 players in the top 13 scorers in the league. Name them. – Bobby Orr (1^st with 120 pts), Phil Esposito (2^nd with 99 pts), John “Pie” McKenzie (12^th with 70 pts) and Johnny Bucyk (13^th with 69 pts)
Trivia #4 answer: After the Red Sox broke the 86-year curse and won the World Series in 2004, the 2005 home opener featured the raising of the championship banner. Which two players raised the banner? – Johnny Pesky, Carlton Fisk, Carl Yastrzemski, Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, Louis Tiant, Jerry Remy, Bob Montgomery – Johnny Pesky and Carl Yastrzemski
Trivia #5 answer: What is the nickname for Illinois State University? – The Redbirds
Trivia #6 answer: Artemis was the Greek goddess of what? – Marriage, Hunt, Agriculture, Hearth, Wisdom, Love, Earth – She was the Greek goddess of (the) hunt

Fear not, there is still a place to get gas for under $2… Taco Bell

Enjoy the Final Four. I’ll be on a long flight enjoying nothing but uninterrupted (I hope!) basketball.

I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Tweed Day!

Some people call it “boxwine.” I call it “cardboardeaux.” It feels fancier that way.

Give me a little credit for getting this out on the morning of the Red Sox Home Opener, before I board the train to Boston. Also, I will be taking next Friday off as I travel to Seattle to celebrate my birthday, as well as my son’s wedding, in that order…

If you were subscribed at the time, and paying attention, you would have realized that last week’s song (I’m Your Captain by Grand Funk Railroad) was featured here on August 12, 2022, same video. My first repeat of a video.

“Saturday summers, when I was a kid
We’d run to the schoolyard and here’s what we did
We’d pick out the captains and we’d choose up the teams
It was always a measure of my self-esteem
Cuz the fastest, the strongest, played shortstop and first
The last ones they picked were the worst
I never needed to ask, it was sealed,
I just took up my place in right field.
Playing…

Right field, it’s easy, you know.
You can be awkward and you can be slow
That’s why I’m here in right field
Just watching the dandelions grow”

Peter, Paul and Mary – (Right Field)

Go Sox!

Briefly.

No debt, ideal weight, 8 hours of sleep every night, mental health on track, the right nutrition, zero alcohol – this was my peak. I was eight… Good times

Trivia #1: “ABS” Challenge in MLB. What does it stand for?
Trivia #2: What color is a polar bear’s skin?
Trivia #3: Who holds the Red Sox record for homeruns by a rookie? – Walt Dropo, Fred Lynn, Tony Conigliaro, Carl Yastrzemski, Mo Vaughn, Jerry Remy

On this date: March 27, 196 BC, The Rosetta Stone and others like it are inscribed with the Decree of Memphis proclaiming the rule of the King of Ptolemaic Egypt, Ptolemy V
March 27, 1790, The modern shoelace with an aglet patented in England by Harvey Kennedy
March 27, 1794, Naval Act of 1794 is signed by President George Washington, authorizing the building of six frigates and establishing a permanent US Navy
March 27, 1884, First long-distance telephone call, Boston to New York
March 27, 1972, Adolph Rupp retires after 42 years of coaching University of Kentucky
March 27, 1973, 45th Academy Awards: “The Godfather”, Marlon Brando & Liza Minnelli win; Brando declines the Oscar for Best Actor to protest Hollywood’s portrayal of Native Americans in film, in a speech by activist Sacheen Littlefeather
March 27, 1995, 67th Academy Awards: “Forrest Gump”, Jessica Lange & Tom Hanks win

Go Sox!

Did you know there are three places you can stay for free? In your lane, out of my way and WAY over there.

One of the new food items at Fenway Park – Lobstah Poutine. The dish, which comes in a boat-shaped box, comes with Cavendish Farms fries and Luke’s Lobster meat. It’s then topped with bacon, and clam chowder (instead of gravy). 

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: See trivia question #2.

Look, I can’t stand Lebron James. Never liked him, never have, never will. I will say this; He recently broke the record for career games played at 1,612. He is currently averaging 21 points, 6 rebounds and 6.9 assists per game. Pretty sick. I still can’t stand him.

Good news: The mound visit Carter Baumler received Monday night from Texas Rangers manager Skip Schumaker wasn’t to remove the rookie right-hander from his last spring training outing, but rather to let him know he made the opening day roster. Schumaker emerged from the dugout after Baumler retired the first two Kansas City Royals batters in the fifth inning. Texas catcher Danny Jansen and all four infielders were also on the mound when the new Rangers skipper told the 24-year-old reliever he will start the season in the Texas bullpen. Great story.

Article I’ll skip: Ted Danson admits he can be a “d—k” after wife’s blunt wake-up call

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A year after the actor’s death, a generative AI version of Val Kilmer will co-star in an independent film, in one of the boldest uses yet of artificial intelligence in moviemaking. First Line Films announced Wednesday that Kilmer has posthumously joined the cast of a film titled “As Deep as the Grave.” The producers said that, before his death, Kilmer had signed on to perform in the movie but was unable to because of his health. Kilmer’s estate gave permission for his digital replication, and is being compensated for it. (Gee thanks, Dad!)

Trivia #1 answer: “ABS” Challenge in MLB. What does it stand for? – Automated Ball-Strike
Trivia #2 answer: What color is a polar bear’s skin? – Polar bears have black skin beneath their fur, which absorbs solar radiation to help them retain warmth in the Arctic, while their fur is actually transparent and hollow rather than white. Their skin turns from pink at birth to black within a few months, and they have a thick, insulated layer of fat.
Trivia #3: Who holds the Red Sox record for homeruns by a rookie? – Walt Dropo, Fred Lynn, Tony Conigliaro, Carl Yastrzemski, Mo Vaughn, Jerry Remy – Walt Dropo (34 in 1950)

I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Joe Day! (Really)

Come on down and let me serve you a drink this afternoon. Let’s talk about the undefeated Red Sox.

Speaking of the Red Sox… Remember Kristian Campbell? Last season, the Red Sox’ rookie flashed his talent and opened eyes throughout Boston to the tune of an 8-year, $60M contract. Ya, he was recently optioned to Triple-A.

My friend Phillip had his lip removed. Now we just call him Phil.

“I can feel the hand of a stranger
And it’s tightening around my throat
Heaven help me, Heaven help me
Take this stranger from my boat

I’m your captain, I’m your captain
Though I’m feeling mighty sick
Everybody, listen to me
And return me my ship”

Grand Funk Railroad (I’m Your Captain)

Briefly.

Sometimes, I lie awake in bed wondering, why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

I would rate these trivia questions as fairly difficult. When you buy me a beer this afternoon, let me know how you did.

Trivia #1: For you Puttheads, what are the names for each hole (16, 17, 18) that makes up the “snake pit” at the Innisbrook Resort’s Copperhead Course, site for this weekend’s PGA Valspar Championship?
Trivia #2: On Opening Day, 1980, what was ironic about the victory for the Seattle Mariners’ starting pitcher Mike Parrott?
Trivia #3: On Opening Day in 1976, which pitcher started for the Philadelphia Phillies? It was the only opener between 1972 and 1986 in which Steve Carlton was not on the mound for the team.

“Puttheads”, I just made that up. See: “Puckheads” for reference.

On this date: March 20, 141, 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley’s Comet
March 20, 1774, The British parliament passes first of the Intolerable Acts: the Boston Port Act, which closed Boston harbor until colonists would pay for damages following the Boston Tea Party
March 20, 1819, London’s famous Burlington Arcade opens as the world’s first shopping arcade
March 20, 1854, Boston Public Library opens in Boston, Massachusetts as the first large free municipal library in the US
March, 20, 1917, After the sinking of 3 more American merchant ships, US President Woodrow Wilson meets with cabinet, who agree that war is inevitable
March 20, 1958, 50 inches of snow falls across the Mason–Dixon line
March 20, 1992, Manuel Noriega’s wife Felicidad arrested for stealing buttons from dresses (Really)
March 20, 1997, US tobacco company Liggett admits cigarettes are addictive
March 20, 2024, French mathematician Michel Talagrand awarded 2024 Abel prize for his work on probability theory and describing randomness (“probability” and “randomness” – doesn’t sound like math to me!)

Speaking of dates, what a great time of year! This past week, the greatest sports tournament of the year got under way. Think about it, counting the four play-in games, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament is 67 game 7’s! Madness, I tell you! Today is the first day of spring, Opening Day is next week and then April with the Masters.

So Opening Day is next Thursday. Let’s take a closer look at the Red Sox schedule, shall we?
They do not have a divisional game until game #23! (Seems a little late considering about 33% of their games are divisional games.)
They then have 9 divisional games in a row.
Their longest road trip is in early July, 9 games in 10 days, followed by the All-Star break, followed by their longest homestand of the season, 9 games in 10 days.
They don’t have a terribly long west coast swing, as they usually do. They play in Seattle and Colorado in June and come home only to go back out to LA (Angels) 8 days later. At the end of July, they play 7 games in a row in Oakland and LA (Dodgers).

Go Sox!

They said it; “There’ll be two buses leaving the hotel for the park tomorrow. The 2 o’clock bus will be for those of you who need a little extra work. The empty bus will leave at 5 o’clock.”
— Dave Bristol, Milwaukee Brewers manager, 1972

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Rory McIlroy has revealed his menu for the Masters Club dinner on Tuesday before the tournament. (What do I care what other people are eating?)

Good news: Well, not to rub it in but, U.S.A. beat Canada once again! This time in the World Baseball Classic, again in front of the world. BTW, the WBC title game between Venezuela and the US was the most watched WBC game ever, up 128% over the 2023 title game.

Article I’ll skip: 3-time Masters champ Phil Mickelson reveals which GOP candidate ‘can save California’

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, you’re doing it wrong – A Kentucky woman is dead after she was dragged under a float and crushed in front of crowds of revelers during a local St. Patrick’s Day parade (Louisville) this past weekend. A preliminary investigation revealed the woman, identified as 50-year-old Joan Pannuti, was walking next to a float when her foot became caught, causing her to fall to the ground and get stuck under the vehicle. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Las Vegas Strip gaming revenue fell 11% year over year, from $840,093,428 in January 2025 to $747,655,527 in January 2026. Nevada’s nonrestricted gaming licensees reported a total gaming win of roughly $1.35 billion in January of this year, dropping 6.55% compared to the same month last year. There were 38,545,700 people who visited Sin City — down 7.5% from 2024. Said one; “Now nearly everyone under 40 who bets seems to do it online. I don’t know one person under age 40 who goes to Vegas regularly to bet or play slots.” – Damn kids! 

“Ed”itorial: The four NCAA play-in games are stupid. Don’t try explaining it to me. Two games between #16 seeds and two between #11 seeds. The East bracket had zero play-in games. Stupid.

Trivia #1 answer: For you Puttheads, what are the names for each hole (16, 17, 18) that makes up the “snake pit” at the Innisbrook Resort’s Copperhead Course, site for this weekend’s PGA Valspar Championship? – Moccasin (16), Rattler (17) and Copperhead (18)
Trivia #2 answer: On Opening Day, 1980, what was ironic about the victory for the Seattle Mariners’ starting pitcher Mike Parrott? – He didn’t win another game that season, finishing 1-16.
Trivia #3 answer: On Opening Day in 1976, which pitcher started for the Philadelphia Phillies? It was the only opener between 1972 and 1986 in which Steve Carlton was not on the mound for the team. – Jim Kaat

Life’s been good to me… so far.

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Ravioli Day!

I am not bartending this afternoon but I will be downtown watching college hoops. Come… join me.

The best pickup line this time of year; “Hey, how’s your bracket?”

Remember, when you’re dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

“You’ve gotta be cruel to be kind in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it’s a very good sign
Cruel to be kind means that I love you, baby
(You’ve gotta be cruel)
You’ve gotta be cruel to be kind”

Nick Lowe (Cruel To Be Kind)

‘Tis the season!

Briefly.

I just realized the word “seven” has “even” in it. That’s odd…

Trivia #1: What does “canola” stand for in canola oil?
Trivia #2: The land now encompassing the Stadium Course at TPC Sawgrass, home of THE PLAYERS® Championship since 1982, was purchased for how much in 1978 by then-PGA TOUR Commissioner Deane Beaman? – $1, $100, $1,000, $10,000, $1M, it was free?
Trivia #3: What plyer has the most Opening Day RBIs in his career? – Miguel Cabrera, Adam Dunn, Vladimir Guerrero, Dave Kingman, Eddie Murray, Derek Jeter, Neil Kelleher

Do you ever feel like you’re body’s “check engine” light has been on and you’re still driving it like, “Nah, I’ll be fine?”

On this date: March 13, 483, Felix III begins his reign as Catholic Pope
March 13, 1677, Massachusetts gains title to Maine for $6,000
March 13, 1877, American Chester Greenwood patents earmuffs after inventing them at age 15
March 13, 1901, amidst increasing anti-gambling sentiment, wagering on horse racing is banned in San Francisco, CA; Ingleside Race Track closes March 15
March 13, Brooklyn Robins manager Wilbert Robinson tries to catch a baseball dropped from an airplane, but the pilot substitutes a grapefruit – Wait… what?
March 13, 1965, British guitarist Eric Clapton quits the Yardbirds due to the band moving away from traditional blues; Jeff Beck becomes his replacement
March 13, 1977, Dennis Lillee takes 6-26, England all out 95 in Centenary Test – Ya, OK…
March 13, 1987, John Gotti, boss of the Gambino crime family, is acquitted of racketeering
March 13, 2012, Encyclopaedia Britannica announces that it will no longer publish printed versions of its encyclopaedia
March 13, 2022, After a 40-day retirement, record breaking quarterback Tom Brady announces he will play at least one more season in the NFL with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Spring training (MLB) scores. Unless you are a total gambling degenerate betting these games, who really cares?

Speaking of useless, among people who took a multivitamin every day for two years, biological aging slowed down by about four months, found a study. The findings came from a large randomized clinical trial of nearly 1,000 healthy older adults averaging 70 years of age. The participants were divided into four groups — one took a daily multivitamin-multimineral supplement along with a cocoa extract, one took a daily cocoa extract and placebo, one took a placebo and multivitamin, and one took just a placebo. “Large” randomized clinical trial? “Large???” There are nearly 8.2 billion people on this planet and they tested 1,000 people split into 4 groups (only 250 per). Sheer buffoonery, I tell you.

Good news: Opening Day is two weeks from yesterday.

Article I’ll skip: Sammy Haggar hasn’t spoken to Alex Van Halen in years and says he won’t reconcile

They said it: “NFL teams called, other programs called, but I am not leaving Notre Dame. I’m going to finish what I started here. This team, this university, these fans – they shaped me. They reminded me why coaching matters. I’m not chasing money, I’m chasing purpose. Loyalty still lives in blue and gold.” – The University of Notre Dame’s football coach, Marcus Freeman

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A 15-year-old Long Island boy who vanished after telling his family he was meeting someone from the online game Roblox was found dead in Brooklyn waters two months later. Thomas Medlin, of St. James, New York, was recovered from waters off Red Hook in Brooklyn on March 7. Medlin left the Stony Brook School on Jan. 9 around 3:30 p.m. and ran to the Stony Brook train station. He was last seen at Grand Central Terminal in Manhattan around 5:30 p.m. later that day.

So, Jason Tatum is back with the Celtics and that’s pretty cool. I made a point to watch his return last Friday night, and you know me and the NBA… Anyway, just my luck as the game “featured” 83, 3-point field goal attempts! The Celtics took 48 of those. Forget shooting 3’s, just shoot me!

Speaking of the NBA… how about the Miami Heat’s Bam Adebayo scoring 83 points the other night! Adebayo set records for most free throws made (36) and attempted (43) in an NBA game. Amongst other records he set, Adebayo shot 20-of-43 from the field. He is the first player in NBA history to score at least 70 points while making less than 50% of his shots. As we used to say at the local Boys’ Club back in the day; “Hung!”

Trivia #1 answer: What does “canola” stand for in canola oil? – Canadian oil, low acid.
Trivia #2 answer: The land now encompassing the Stadium Course at TPC Sawgrass, home of THE PLAYERS® Championship since 1982, was purchased for how much in 1978 by then-PGA TOUR Commissioner Deane Beaman? – $1, $100, $1,000, $10,000, $1M, it was free? – It costs one dollar
Trivia #3: What plyer has the most Opening Day RBIs in his career? – Miguel Cabrera, Adam Dunn, Vladimir Guerrero, Dave Kingman, Eddie Murray, Derek Jeter, Neil Kelleher – Adam “All” Dunn (21 RBI)

If you’ve never had a bad time in your life, just keep living…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Coconut Torte Day!

Remember, when you’re dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

Jeff Beck (Freeway Jam) – Play it loud… of course!

Oh, you want lyrics too?!

“I’d give the moon if it were mine to give
(For your love)
I’d give the stars and the sun ‘fore I live
(For your love)
To thrill you with delight
I’ll give you diamonds bright
There’ll be things that will excite
To make you dream of me at night

(For your love)
(For your love)
(For your love)
(For your love)”

The Yardbirds (For Your Love)

Briefly.

Salesman: “The car you’re interested in can sit six people without any problems.”
Me: “I don’t think I know six people without any problems.”

Trivia #1: For you puckheads out there… In terms of hockey equipment, what does CCM stand for?
Trivia #2: What is “Mc” on the Periodic Table?
Trivia #3: Which country produces more major leaguers (MLB) per capita than any other country in the world? – Cuba, Curacao. Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic, Lawrence, Venezuela, Mexico

The biggest lie going… Sorry, my phone was on silent.

On this date: March 6, 1079, Persian polymath Omar Khayyam completes the Jalali calendar, a solar calendar with a precise 33-year intercalation cycle and the basis for the Persian calendar still in use today
March 6, 1831, Edgar Allan Poe court-martialed and dismissed from West Point military academy for gross neglect of duty and disobedience of orders
March 6, 1836, Battle of the Alamo: After 13 days of fighting, 1,500 to 3,000 Mexican soldiers overwhelm the Texan defenders, killing 182 to 257 Texans, including William Travis, Jim Bowie, and Davy Crockett
March 6, 1857, Dred Scott Decision: US Supreme Court rules African Americans cannot be US citizens
March 6, 1869, Dmitri Mendeleev presents the first periodic table of the elements to the Russian Chemical Society
March 6, 1899, Aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid) is patented by Felix Hoffman at the German company Bayer
March 6, 1965, The Temptations’ single “My Girl” reaches #1 on the Billboard Pop Chart; written and produced by the Miracles members Smokey Robinson and Ronald White
March 6, 2000, Long-time Boston Bruin defenseman Ray Bourque is traded to the Colorado Avalanche

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: See trivia question #2.

Good news: A sign of the times. In Rhode Island, Joseph Boutros, 21, was found unconscious in a snow-covered vehicle while charging his phone and later died from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Speaking of golf, within 12 hours of the announcement of Travis Kelce’s inclusion in the Pebble Beach Pro Am, $60,000 worth of tickets were sold. No, Taylor Swift did not show up to watch.

Did you see the PGA’s Shane Lowry crapped his pants last Sunday and blow his big lead? Now, I like Lowry, there’s just something calming to watch a pro golfer collapse like that.

Article I’ll skip: Mother charged in Cleveland case after daughters found in buried suitcases.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Sargassum seaweed is on the rise— and yes, you guessed it, yet again — just in time for spring break. The sea blob is making its way to popular beach destinations, continuing a decades-long pattern. An estimated 9.5 million tons of sargassum is moving toward the Caribbean and Florida beaches, with heavy amounts already reported in parts of the Caribbean, Mexico, and the Florida Keys.

Think about it. Even the smallest whale is as big as a whale.

Trivia #1 answer: For you puckheads out there… In terms of hockey equipment, what does CCM stand for? – Canada Cycle and Motor Company.
Trivia #2: What is “Mc” on the Periodic Table? – Moscovium. Moscovium is an extremely radioactive element: its most stable known isotope, moscovium-290, has a half-life of only 0.65 seconds. Trivia #3: Which country produces more major leaguers (MLB) per capita than any other country in the world? – Cuba, Curacao. Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic, Lawrence, Venezuela, Mexico – Curacao

Stupid questions asked at the bar: “Would you like a large or small?” and “Would you like an extra shot for a buck?”

If you’ve never had a bad time in your life, just keep living…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Spray Tanning Day!

Are you thirsty? Come on downtown this afternoon and I’ll try to help with that.

“I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day
When it’s cold outside I’ve got the month of May

I guess you’d say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin’ ’bout my girl (my girl)”

The Temptations (My Girl)

Briefly.

Were both the men’s and women’s hockey teams beating Canada for the gold not one of the coolest things in all of USA sports, eva?! And not for nothing, the men’s game, a Saturday morning special, was one of the greatest sporting events many of us will ever see. Having said that, beating the Russians in 1980 was better, for us older folks. I mean, beating Russia was a miracle…

Volunteer to the nurse: When I donate blood, I don’t have to extract it myself, the nurse does it for me.
Nurse: I understand, sir, but this is a sperm bank. It doesn’t work that way.

Trivia #1: What is “anosmia?”
Trivia #2: Who wrote the song “Woodstock?”
Trivia #3: What is referenced by the phrase ‘Beware of the Phog?’ and who/what is ‘Phog?’
Trivia #4: Who were the three MLB wild card teams in the AL and NL last season?

The biggest lie going… Sorry, my phone was on silent.

On this date: February 27, 837, 15th recorded perihelion passage of Halley’s Comet
February 27, 1813, First federal vaccination legislation enacted
February 27, 1827, First Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans
February 27, 1879, Russian-American chemist Constantin Fahlberg discovers an artificial sweetener (later named ‘saccharin’), while working on coal tar analysis at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland
February 27, 1908, Baseballs’ sacrifice fly adopted (repealed in 1931, reinstated 1954)
February 27, 1960, US Olympic Ice Hockey Team beats USSR 3-2 en route to gold medal
February 27, 1974, “People” magazine begins sales
February 27, 2002, Singer-songwriter Joni Mitchell receives Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award
February 27, 2019, Smallest baby boy ever born to be later successfully released, goes home, after original birth weight of 268g (9.45oz) from Tokyo hospital

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: New Coca-Cola flavors for 2026 are Cheery Float, Zero Sugar Cherry Float and Diet Coke Cherry

Fun fact: Koi fish always travel in groups of 4. Thay way, if attacked, koi A, B, and C will scatter, leaving behind the D koi.

Go away: News from the Olympics. Can we move on?

As you know, I’m not a big NBA guy but that doesn’t mean I’m not a Celtics fan. They swept the Lakers this season. That is still sweet!

Speaking of golf, Scottie Sheffler last week ended his streak of top 10 finishes, 18 tournaments! He finished 12^th last weekend…

Getting back to the Olympics, I thought the use of drones following athletes in certain events was pretty cool. The ski jump for one.

As a public service: Olive oil has long been shown to benefit heart health, but a new Spanish study from Universitat Rovira i Virgili revealed that extra virgin olive oil may also protect brain health. The study found that people who consumed virgin olive oil — rather than refined olive oil — had improved cognitive function and greater diversity in the gut biome, which the researchers claim is an “important marker of intestinal and metabolic health.” – Lube up!

Don’t be that guy. If you miss the trash can, pick up the trash and put it in.

Good news: A convicted California child molester, who was set to walk free this week, was instead turned over to law enforcement after a new arrest warrant was issued in Placer County. At approximately 7:30 a.m., David Allen Funston, 64, was transferred to law enforcement authorities after Placer County filed new criminal charges and issued a warrant for his arrest. Funston had been granted parole Tuesday and was scheduled for release later this week.  Funston was sentenced in 1999 to life with the possibility of parole in connection with sexual abuse of children, including kidnapping and lewd and lascivious acts with a child under 14 years of age.

Tiger Wood’s son, Charlie, a senior in high school, is a pretty good golfer.

Article I’ll skip: Cultures clash as American-born Team China skier is spotted with Caitlin Clark

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: An Atlanta-area police department issued a blunt notice to parents after officers claimed a child brought a vodka-based beverage to school — tucked beside Doritos in a packed lunch.

Trivia #1 answer: What is “anosmia?” – Anosmia is the loss of the sense of smell, either total or partial. It may be caused by head injury, infection, or blockage of the nose
Trivia #2 answer: Who wrote the song “Woodstock?” – Joni Mitchell (Joni wrote it, Crosby, Stills & Nash made it famous)
Trivia #3 answer: What is referenced by the phrase ‘Beware of the Phog?’ and who/what is ‘Phog?’ – ‘Beware of the Phog’ references the University of Kansas’ Allen Fieldhouse, home of Jayhawks basketball. Phog was the Jayhawks first basketball coach, Forrest C. “Phog” Allen, having been introduced to the sport by basketball inventor Dr. James Naismith in the early 1900’s.
Trivia #4 answer: Who were the three MLB wild card teams in the AL and NL last season? – AL: Yankees, Red Sox, Tigers – NL: Cubs, Padres, Reds

Mentally, I’m still 25. Humor-wise, I’m 12, but physically I’m pretty sure I fought in the Civil War.

If you’ve never had a bad time in your life, just keep living…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Anosmia Awareness Day!

“Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away”

Joni Mitchell (Both Sides Now)

What? Too slow for you this morning? How about we pump you up!

Briefly. (I might need to change this intro…)

A friend of mine had a new baby girl. She was asked: “What’s her name?” The mother replied: “Melanie Noelle.” Her friend then asked: “Well then, how do you spell it?”

Trivia #1: What is a Pyrrhic victory?
Trivia #2: What are the Flo?
Trivia #3: Where did the sport of curling first originate? – United States, Canada, Switzerland, Sweden, Norway, Scotland, Lawrence

The biggest lie going… Sorry, my phone was on silent.

On this date: February 20, 1280, Japanese Imperial Court orders all temples and shrines to pray for victory in the impending second Mongol invasion
February 20, 1725, 10 sleeping Indians scalped by whites in New Hampshire for £100 a scalp bounty. (And you think things are f’d up today?)
February 20, 1816, Gioachino Rossini’s comic opera “Barber of Seville” premieres at the Teatro Argentina in Rome, Italy
February 20, 1929, Boston Red Sox announce they will play Sunday MLB games at Braves Field; Fenway Park located too close to a church
February 20, 1959, Jimi Hendrix (16), rock and roll guitarist, plays his first gig in the Temple De Hirsch synagogue basement, Seattle; fired from the band after the 1st set due to “wild” playing
February 20, 1971, National Emergency Center erroneously orders US radio & TV stations to go off the air. Mistake wasn’t resolved for 30 minutes
February 20, 1974, ABC records releases “Pretzel Logic”, the third studio album by rock band Steely Dan; it features hit single “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number”
February 20, 2003, Pyrotechnics display sets ‘The Station’ nightclub ablaze during a concert by rock band Great White; kills 100 and injuries over 300 others (West Warwick, Rhode Island)
February 20, 2012, Scientists successfully regenerate the flowering plant Silene stenophylla from a 31,800-year-old piece of fruit, greatly surpassing the previous record of 2,000 years
February 20, 2022, XXIV Olympic Winter Games close in Beijing, China; Norway finishes with record 16 gold medals. Note: They have 16 gold already this year!

Girl #1: I’ve really been getting into the science of plants lately.
Girl #2: Botany?
Girl #1: Yes, but only a few so far.

Nancy Guthrie. Missing, seemingly kidnapped, I get it. I just hope the FBI is not putting any additional time, effort, manpower into this case than they do for all similar missing/kidnapped persons’ cases, just because it involves the mother of a celebrity. Hopefully, they make the same effort for everyone and we just don’t hear/know about it.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination:

Go away: Iran

I’m am happy to say I did not watch one second of the NBA all-star game or related events. Zero.

Speaking of the Olympics, as a friend of mine pointed out, mixed doubles in curling is much like life in that the guy has to enjoy being yelled at by his partner while he works the broom.

OK, so the U.S. women’s hockey team reached greatness, now it’s the men’s turn. U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.

Back to Lindsey Vonn(?). Anyway, did you see her get flown off the course after her fall last week? Man, I’d wipeout just for that helicopter ride. Cool!

Really, some great Olympic hockey down the stretch with a plethora of overtime games.

Stop complaining: At least six victims have been identified in the tragic avalanche incident on Tuesday that killed up to nine people in Sierra Nevada, near Lake Tahoe, CA. Six of the victims were among a group of outdoor-loving mothers who regularly traveled together. What a lousy way to go.

Don’t be that guy. When the fire truck/ambulance drives by and you pull over, don’t zip out immediately after it goes by and try to pass the first car or two ahead of you. Dink.

Did you catch the car race last weekend? I missed it but understand that the cars went wicked fast.

Good news: Winters across the U.S. are starting later and ending earlier, with 195 cities now seeing the coldest stretch of the year shrink by nearly 9 days on average compared to the late 20th century.

Article I’ll skip: Cam Newton gives hot take on women who have children with multiple men

Lesser-known Knights of the Round Table. The knight who drank too much: Sir Rhosis

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The University of Texas System’s Board of Regents on Thursday approved a rule requiring its universities to allow students to graduate without studying “unnecessarily controversial subjects.” The rule, approved unanimously, also states that faculty must include the topics they plan to teach in their syllabi and follow that plan throughout the course. When courses include controversial subject matter, instructors are directed to take a “broad and balanced approach” to the discussion. Now, the policy does not define what constitutes “controversial” or a “broad and balanced approach.” Wait… what?

Blowing leaves, you’re doing it wrong. United States ski jumper Ben Loomis luckily avoided what could’ve been a disaster at the 2026 Milan Cortina Games on Thursday after being struck by a leaf blower on his attempted jump. 

Trivia #1 answer: What is a Pyrrhic victory? – A success that inflicts such devastating costs on the victor that it is tantamount to defeat.
Trivia #2 answer: What are the Flo? – The Flo are a sextet of impish animated snowdrop flowers that, per the Olympics website, “never leave their friends and love to have fun even if sometimes this gets them into trouble.” Just as Tina and Milo represent the Olympics and Paralympics, respectively, the Flo are divided into a pair of corresponding trios. Sport Flo, Cute Flow and Genius Flo represent the Olympics, while Fashion Flo, Super Flo and Rock Flo represent the Paralympics. (You know, those stuffed animals the athletes are receiving along with their medals.)
Trivia #3 answer: Where did the sport of curling first originate? – United States, Canada, Switzerland, Sweden, Norway, Scotland, Lawrence – The answer is Scotland

I found a great place online to order sausage. I’ll send you a link.

If you’ve never had a bad time in your life, just keep living…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Cherry Pie Day!

A little something different here.

“”No reason to get excited”
The thief, he kindly spoke
“There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke”

Jimi Hendrix (All Along the Watchtower)

Quick bonus.

Briefly. (Today? Not so much)

Waitress: Would you like to hear today’s special, sir?
Patron: Yes, please.
Waitress: Today is special, sir.

Trivia #1: Who was Barry Wilburn?
Trivia #2: The most recent MLB knuckleball pitcher to win the CY Young award was the New York Mets’ R. A. Dickey (2012). What does the “R. A.” stand for?
Trivia #3: You may know that Kenneth Walker III became the 8^th running back to win Super Bowl MVP honors joining Larry Csonka, Franco Harris, John Riggins, Marcus Allen, Ottis Anderson, Emmitt Smith and Terrell Davis. Of the 8, which running back had the most receptions in the Super Bowl in which he won MVP, and how many receptions did he have?
Trivia #4: In November 2026, the NASA space probe Voyager 1 is expected to reach a distance of one light day away from Earth. How many years will it have taken to get that far? – 2, 26, 39, 48, 75, 101, 2026

Ask her is she’s gained weight. That way, she’ll know you are paying attention to her. Follow me for more relationship advice.

On this date: February 13, 528, Roman Emperor Justinian appoints a commission to compile a single code of imperial constitutions (Justinian Code published 529)
February 13, 1633, Italian astronomer Galileo Galilei arrives in Rome for trial before the Inquisition for professing the belief that Earth revolves around the Sun
February 13, 1693, College of William & Mary opens in Williamsburg, Virginia
February 13, 1866, Jesse James robs his first bank, stealing $15,000 from the Clay County Savings Association in Liberty, Missouri
February 13, 1912, Olympic boxing gold medalist Johnny Douglas takes 5/46 as England cricket team regains Ashes with an innings and 225 run 4th Test win over Australia in Melbourne – Wait… what?
February 13, 1970, Man-eating tiger is reported to have killed 48, 80 km from New Delhi
February 13, 1971, US Vice President Spiro Agnew hits 2 tee shots into crowd while golfing, injuring 2 – Which is why there is no gallery when I tee off!
February 13, 1984, 6-year-old Texan Stormie Jones gets 1st heart and liver transplant – She lived nearly 7 years.
February 13, 2000, The last original “Peanuts” comic strip appears in newspapers one day after Charles M. Schulz dies

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination; See trivia question #4, above.

Go away: Any and all athletes who use the Olympics as a political platform, in any way.

Speaking of the Olympics, I thought the Opening Ceremonies were pretty cool. Incredible costumes, choreography, etc.

Speaking of the Olympics, the Skeleton competition. I don’t care whether there is life on others planets but, if there is, they ain’t doing shit like this.

U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A!

The biggest scam in life! Paying taxes on money you’ve earned, then paying taxes on money you spend and then paying taxes on things you own that you already paid taxes on with previously taxed money.

Good news: Aloe vera, a rubbery green plant, may be best known for its skin-soothing qualities, but a study published in Current Pharmaceutical Analysis suggests that key chemicals within the plant could interact with enzymes involved in Alzheimer’s disease, hinting at a new approach to disrupting cognitive breakdown.

Don’t be that guy. Don’t go into a steak house, order your steak well-done… and then ask for ketchup.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Anything to do with NFL mock drafts, especially in February!

Article I’ll skip: Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s wife reveals why she banned pop star from husband’s NASCAR bus

They said it: “This is one of the only places all year where if it’s raining, you’re still pretty happy to be here.” – PGA’s Chris Gotterup referring to Pebble Beach. Tune in to the PGA this weekend to see one of the most beautiful golf courses on the planet.

From last week: Patriots – 26, Seahawks – 24 (Yes, I have 6,4 in a pool) – Nice call, Ed. Did I tell you I also had 9,3?!

Speaking of the Super Bowl: I’m over it. There, I said it.

Lesser-known Knights of the Round Table. The knight who kept the maps up-to-date – Sir Veyer

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: One study from Cornell University found that more than a quarter of Americans — roughly 67 million people — report being estranged from a family member. That’s really too bad.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: Former “One Direction” star Zayn Malik revealed the tooth fairy gave his daughter nearly $700 for losing her first tooth, defending his decision to splurge on a childhood milestone. Malik, 33, opened up about being able to provide financial stability for his daughter after finding success in the music industry.

Trivia #1 answer: Who was Barry Wilburn? – a Super Bowl champion defensive back who played eight years in the NFL. The Washington Redskins announced Wilburn’s death, he as 62. He was a part of the team’s 1987 Super Bowl-winning team. Wilburn was a victim of a house fire in Tennessee. Tragic!
Trivia #2 answer: The most recent MLB knuckleball pitcher to win the CY Young award was the New York Mets’ R. A. Dickey (2012). What does the “R. A.” stand for? – R. A. stands for Robert Allen
Trivia #3 answer: You may know that Kenneth Walker III became the 8^th running back to win Super Bowl MVP honors joining Larry Csonka, Franco Harris, John Riggins, Marcus Allen, Ottis Anderson, Emmitt Smith and Terrell Davis. Of the 8, which running back had the most receptions in the Super Bowl in which he won MVP, and how many receptions did he have? – Emmitt Smith had 4 receptions for 26 yards.
Trivia #4 answer: In November 2026, the NASA space probe Voyager 1 is expected to reach a distance of one light day away from Earth. How many years will it have taken to get that far? – 2, 26, 39, 48, 75, 101, 2026 – It will have taken 48 years.

If you’ve never had a bad time in your life, just keep living…

Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National No One Eats Alone Day!

Speaking of happy days, come on downtown this afternoon. I can serve you in my attempt to make you even happier.

3 Doors Down lead singer and songwriter, Brad Arnold, has died after a battle with cancer at the age of 47. Too young. Here’s to him.

“I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
After all I knew, it had to be something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end”

3 Doors Down (Kryptonite)