Author: fasted86

Briefly. (nah)

Let us fish! Let us golf! Let us go to the beach! Let us have a shot at the bar! Damn, this sucks. 

In case you missed it a couple of weeks ago, the Carolina Panthers’ Christian McAffrey became the highest paid NFL running back of all-time at 4-years and $64 million. McAffrey set the NFL record for single season pass receptions by a running back in both 2018 (107) and 2019 (116), had 4,357 all-purpose yards in those two years as well as 32 touchdowns. He also had  career high 403 touches last year. 

Trivia #1: Only five NFL players have had more than two seasons with 400+ touches. Which of the following is not one of them? (the player actually had zero 400+ touch seasons in his career) – Curtis Martin, Barry Sanders, Edgerrin James, LaDanian Tomlinson, Emmitt Smith, Eric Dickerson

Trivia #2: Which of the following was not a nickname for former professional wrestler Bruno Sammartino? – The Italian Legend, The Strongest Man in the World, The Italian Strongman, The Living Legend

Trivia #3: What is the nickname of Lenior-Rhyne University? (alma mater of the New England Patriots’ second round draft pick Kyle Dugger, 37^th overall)

Trivia #4: What is the meaning of the song “25 or 6 to 4” by the band, Chicago? 

I’m not sure I’ll ever get back to my original weight but after all, 8 lbs. 11 oz. is a little unrealistic. 

MLB is making plans. Their current schedule is to begin on July 4 (no fans, of course), 80-100 game season with an expanded postseason held at neutral sites through late November early December. They are also considering realignment, this season, into three 10-team divisions. Teams would only play teams in their own division. For you/us Red Sox fans, the Sox would be play the Orioles, Marlins, Mets, Yankees, Phillies, Pirates, Rays, Jays and Nationals. Bring it on! 

OK so, April sucked. 

I really liked the NFL Draft format and the scenes from players’ homes when they were selected. It was many times entertaining and many times very cool and heart warming. 

Speaking of the draft, the Chicago Bears had 9 tight ends on their roster entering the draft before selecting Notre Dame tight end Cole Kmet with their first pick, 43^rd overall. 

Who are these people? “Joe B.” won two $1 million Powerball jackpots on the same day. He purchased the tickets at two different stores on Lake Avenue in Pueblo, CO. He had been playing the same numbers for 30 years. 

Hey, we’re bored, right? Consider holding a Quarantine Olympics. Creative events might include Speed Grocery Sanitizing, Blindfolded Toilet Paper Dodgeball, Guess That Smell, Indoor Sock Slide.  

What happens if you are listening to your music at full volume and Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama” comes on and you are told to “turn it up?”

Best of luck to Baltimore Oriole’s 23 year-old Trey Mancini who has been diagnosed with stage III colon cancer. Trey is a rising star in MLB. 

Headline of the week: “Mark Cuban pushes back on Elon Musk calling states’ coronavirus lockdowns ‘fascist.’” – Tell me, are these guys supposed to be relevant because they have money???  

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Look, every day there seems to be a sign. Here’s some recent headlines:

City to dump manure  in park to discourage festival gathering
How to trim your pet’s hair and nails
Governor (CA) to close all beaches due to coronavirus
Dozens of bodies found in unrefrigerated U-Haul trucks outside NYC funeral home
Man tattoos himself every day

Good news story: 54 days after their home was destroyed by a tornado that ripped through middle Tennessee in early March, Eric and Faith Johnson were reunited with their dog, Bella. Bella had alerted the couple to the tornado before it flattened their home in Cookeville, killed 18 people and injured 88 others.

Good news story part deux: Have you heard about 100-year old Tom Moore? Yesterday, on his 100^th birthday, the war veteran took time to thank all who have helped him raise more than $37.4M for the UK’s National Health Service (NHS) by walking laps in his garden. Said General Mark Carleton-Smith, chief of the general staff of the British Army, “His mature wisdom, no-nonsense attitude and humour in adversity make him an inspirational role model to generations young and old.”

Bill and Melinda Gates have so far donated $250M towards fighting Covid-19. 

Trivia #1 answer: Only five NFL players have had more than two seasons with 400+ touches. Which of the following is not one of them? (the player actually had zero 400+ touch seasons) – Barry Sanders

Trivia #2 answer: Which of the following was not a nickname for former professional wrestler Bruno Sammartino? – The Italian Legend, The Strongest Man in the World, The Italian Strongman, The Living Legend – The Italian Legend

Trivia #3 answer: What is the nickname of Lenior-Rhyne University? (alma mater of the New England Patriots’ second round draft pick Kyle Dugger, 37^th overall) – The Bears

Trivia #4 answer: What is the meaning of the song “25 or 6 to 4” by the band, Chicago? – Robert Lamm was writing the song at night and was looking for words to finish the chorus. The time of day was either 3:35 A.M. (25 minutes til 4:00 A.M.) or 3:34 A.M. 

“Staring blindly into space
Getting up to splash my face
Wanting just to stay awake
Wondering how much I can take
Should I try to do some more
25 or 6 to 4”

 – Chicago

Briefly.

Being a Patriots’ fan on draft night is like being a Jewish kid on Christmas.

Really, is there anything more useless than a mock draft?

Trivia #1: What does the element ‘NO2’ stand for?

Trivia #2: In 2000, the Cleveland Browns selected Courtney Brown with the #1 pick in the NFL draft. Brown is often considered a bust but did have a productive rookie season. Which of the following did he achieve in his first season? – Record five sacks, Forced a fumble, 70 combined tackles, play in all 16 games, ate a hot dog on the bench during a game.

Trivia #3: So the XFL has folded, again. Vince McMahon owned 100% of the league’s Class A shares and 76.5% of the Class B shares. Who owned the remaining 23.5% of the Class B shares?

Trivia #4: In 2006, wide receiver Kevin Mahan was drafted out of the University of Maine by the Oakland Raiders. What was the relevancy of the pick?

Trivia #5: Which of the following three defensive tackles were taken first overall in the NFL Draft?

1. Ndamukong Suh, Steve Entman, Randy White
2. Dan Hampton, Joe Greene, Merlin Olsen
3. Dan Wilkinson, Art Donovan, Ernie Stautner
4. Russell Maryland, Steve Entman, Dan Wilkinson

 

NO2 is a noxious gas emitted by motor vehicles, power plants and industrial facilities. Levels in the northeast United States in March were down 30% from the prior month.

Speaking of the NFL draft, the San Francisco 49ers last year had arguably the best defensive line in football. In true Red Auerbach fashion, they drafted the said “best player available” in defensive tackle Javon Kinlaw out of South Carolina. Damn!

Speaking of the NFL draft, Mel Kiper makes my skin crawl. I look forward to Todd McVay who is at least tolerable. McVay was unavailable last night due to his dealing with the coronavirus. Good luck to him!

It’s going to be difficult to get all geared up for the NFL draft tonight like I did last night. My wife told me it’s Friday.

For you Patriots’ fans, are you? Brady is gone, Gronk is gone, Bill still lives. In Bill we trust. Go Pats!

Tommy Boy Brady, welcome to Tampa. First, he was booted from a local park for violating the city’s quarantine orders, then he walked into the home of David Kramer thinking it was the home of Buccaneers’ offensive coordinator Byron Leftwich who lives next door to Kramer. Brady allegedly apologized profusely.

I think, I think I am, therefore I am, I think.

Quote for the week: “If there is someone you look up to, try to be better than they are. Then, look for someone better than that and build from there. It’s all about being a better person.” – No idea who said that

Quote for the week, part deux: “Trust me, gloves work.” – OJ Simpson

87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed.

The Marathon Gas station in Francis Creek, Wisconsin listed regular gas for 86 cents per gallon this past Wednesday. 

Article I just had to read: Can the coronavirus be spread through farts? (Monday’s NY Post, if you are interested) 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A judge in Harris County, TX on Wednesday ordered residents to start wearing face masks in public for 30 days beginning next week – or possibly face a fine. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: You can now watch Origami on pay per view.

Trivia #1 answer: What does the element ‘NO2’ stand for? – Nitrogen dioxide

Trivia #2 answer: In 2000, the Cleveland Browns selected Courtney Brown with the #1 pick in the NFL draft. Brown is often considered a bust but did have a productive rookie season. Which of the following did he achieve in his first season? – Record five sacks, Forced a fumble, 70 combined tackles, play in all 16 games, ate a hot dog on the bench during a game. – he played in all 16 games

Trivia #3 answer: So the XFL has folded, again. Vince McMahon owned 100% of the league’s Class A shares and 76.5% of the Class B shares. Who owned the remaining 23.5% of the Class B shares? – The WWE

Trivia #4 answer: In 2006, wide receiver Kevin Mahan was drafted out of the University of Maine by the Oakland Raiders. What was the relevancy of the pick? – The ”relevancy” of the pick was that it was the 255^th and final pick in the draft or… Mahan was better known as “Mr. Irrelevant” 

Trivia #5 answer: Which of the following three defensive tackles were taken first overall in the NFL Draft? – #4 Russell Maryland, Steve Entman, Dan Wilkinson

Happy Birthday today to brother Paul! 

“I worked like a slave for years
Sweat so hard just to end my fears
Not to end my life a poor man
But by now, I know I should have run”

– The Moody Blues

Be safe out there

Briefly.

My apologies for last weak. A weak effort I thought. Heck, I’m quarantined. Step it up! Let’s see. 

Trivia #1: Much is made of Tom Brady being selected in the 6^th round of the NFL draft. What Hall of Fame athlete from a major Boston sports team was selected in the 7^th round of its draft in 1976?

Trivia #2: In 1999, the New Orleans Saints traded eight draft picks to the Washington Redskins for the fifth overall pick and selected who?

Yesterday marked the 20^th anniversary of the Patriots drafting Tom Brady in the 6^th round of the 2000 draft. Yesterday was also Bill Belichick’s 68^th birthday. Coincidence? I think not.

Despite everything going on I broke my own record this morning for consecutive days alive! Celebration to follow!

This week’s sign of the apocalypse – sunbathing nudists in the Czech Republic were told they were required to wear facemasks by order of a local ordinance.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse part deux: For $600, would-be criminals can take an online course in identity theft. 

Quote for the week: “God, I love baseball.” – Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford in ‘The Natural’) 

Karma: An Australian man purchased roughly $10K in toilet paper at the earlier stages of the Covid-19 pandemic but was unable to sell it online as planned. He attempted to return the items but the store from which he purchased them told him to go screw. Nice! 

Alcohol delivery app Drisly says it saw sales explode in the last week of March, climbing 537% above the company’s expectations. 42% of those orders came from new accounts. Just sayin’….   

They should make a sequel to the movie “Groundhog Day” and then just name it “Groundhog Day.”

Useless information suppose to fire my imagination: “Patriots trade in most recent mock draft…” 

To much of everything is just enough. 

“Good” coronavirus news? Doctors normally lie patients on their backs whereby the heart applies pressure on the back of their lungs and it closes off the lungs just a little. A technique called “proning” lies the patient on their stomachs whereby the heart falls off the lungs and opens up a little bit of the lung. It has proven to be the difference between life and death for some patients. 

93-year old Olive Veronesi of Seminole, PA Is staying home to help “flatten the curve” on the COVID-19 pandemic. Unable to venture out and replenish her supplies she was  pictured on social media with a sign in one hand that read “I NEED MORE BEER!” In her other hand was a can of Coors Light. Coors then delivered 10 cases of beer to Olive’s home! 

R.I.P. – Corey Cave (25) – The former Boston Bruin and current Edmonton Oiler had been complaining of headaches and subsequently had a colloid tumor removed from his head that had been putting pressure on his brain. Due to COVID-19 pandemic concerns his family was not allowed to be with him during his final moments. That, my friends is an example of an indirect coronavirus death. Sad.

R.I.P. Brian Dennehy (81) – Amongst his many movie roles he was Chris Farley’s father in “Tommy Boy” and the sheriff in “Rambo.” 

Trivia #1 answer: Much is made of Tom Brady being selected in the 6^th round of the NFL draft. What Hall of Fame athlete from a major Boston sports team was selected in the 7^th round of its draft in 1976? – The Red Sox’ Wade Boggs

Trivia #2 answer: In 1999, the New Orleans Saints traded eight draft picks to the Washington Redskins for the fifth overall pick and selected who? – Ricky Williams from the University of Texas 

“Well, you wake up in the mornin’, you hear the work bell ring
And they march you to the table to see the same old thing
Ain’t no food on the table, and no pork up in the pan
But you better not complain, boy, you get in trouble with the man”

– Credence Clearwater Revival

 

Be careful out there

Briefly.

Until further notice the days of the week are called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday.

 Trivia #1: Since Tom Dempsey’s 63-yard field goal in 1970, only 6 kickers have either matched or surpassed that distance. Name the two left-footed kickers to accomplish the feat. (“feat”, get it?)

Trivia #2: Name the Final Four teams in the NCAA Men’s basketball tournament last year. Bonus, who beat who in the final?

Trivia #3: Which band was Eric Clapton never associated with? – Derek and the Dominos, Blind Faith, The Yardbirds, John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers, Cream

 Ford CEO Jim Hackett’s salary fell to $17.4M in 2019 from $17.8M in 2018. The ratio of Hackett’s annual compensation to the median of the annual compensation of all employees was 157 to 1. Dink.

 Just a prediction that two television events coming up are going to be the most watched in quite sometime. The NFL draft, which will be held remotely from each team’s designated facility, and this Sunday’s NBA H-O-R-S-E competition between eight contestants – Chris Paul, Trae Young, Mike Conley Jr., Zach Lavine, WNBA’s Allie Quigley and Tamika Catchings, and Paul Pierce and Chauncey Billups. Should be fun. Reminds me of the old McDonald’s commercial with Bird and Jordan…

 Cops: Come out with your hands washed!

 Maybe it’s me but “essential” is a pretty arbitrary term.

 I can’t wait to go to Fenway Park again.

I’ve watched a lot of commercials lately and let me tell you, there’s some funny, creative, f*ed up people out there.

 Valet Living is actively recruiting for 10,000 positions nationwide over the next several months. The company is mostly recruiting people for “service valet positions.” The role includes duties such as doorstep trash and recycling collection. NOW, is that the most misleading company name you’ve ever heard – “Valet Living” and job title “service valet” you’ve ever heard?

 9 of the world’s top 100 billionaires actually gained money during the past two months, all were Chinese.

 I’m as bored as an Amish electrician.

 My son asked me if the offer to slap him into next year was still on the table.

 R.I.P. Bill Withers (81) – American singer-songwriter and musician. Withers won three Grammys and was nominated for six more. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2015.

R.I.P. Tom Dempsey (73) – Former New Orleans Saints kicker (he only played two seasons) kicked a then-record 63-yard field goal that has since only been surpassed 5 times. The current record is 64 yards and the previous record had been 56 yards! DYK: Dempsey was born not only with no toes on his right foot, but also no fingers on his right hand. He died last Saturday after a bout with coronavirus and since 2013 suffered from Alzheimer’s as well as dementia.

Trivia #1 answer: Since Tom Dempsey’s 63-yard field goal in 1970, only 6 kickers have either matched or surpassed that distance. Name the two left-footed kickers to accomplish the feat. – David Akers (2012) and Sebastian Janikowski (2011)

Trivia #2 answer: Name the Final Four teams in the NCAA Men’s basketball tournament last year. Bonus, who beat who in the final? – Virginia, Auburn, Texas Tech, Michigan St – Virginia beat Texas Tech in the final

Trivia #3 answer: Which band was Eric Clapton never associated with? – Derek and the Dominos, Blind Faith, The Yardbirds, John Mayall & the Bluebreakers, Cream – trick question as he was associated with all of them (though you all guessed John Mayall & the Bluebreakers, didn’t you?)

 Rest at Home is better than Rest in Peace… 6 feet away is better than 6 feet under.

 “If there is a load
You have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me.

– Bill Withers

Briefly. 

I think it’s Friday?? Who the hell really knows or cares any more? I’m just happy to be here. 

Trivia #1: On Opening Day (MLB) in 1907, the Phillies were awarded a victory after the New York Giants had to forfeit the game at the Polo Grounds. Why?

Trivia #2: What U.S. President showcased his ambidextrous talents when he threw out left-handed and right-handed pitches on Opening Day?

Trivia #3: What distinguishes viruses from bacteria? 

If you are a regular here you know I tend to have an added focus on sports. That is a little difficult right now but I’ll do my best. 

Speaking of which, the Fox News web site is one of my go-tos. For a couple/few weeks now they haven’t even had a sports section. 

Quote for the week: “Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many.” 

You have to feel for high school and college athletes who play spring sports, and winter, who are getting hosed this year. Here are examples of a just a couple of things the NCAA is doing to help some of these kids. The NCAA will grant an extra season of eligibility to spring sports athletes affected by the coronavirus outbreak and financial aid rules have been adjusted to ensure teams can roster additional scholarship athletes without forcing them to push away other athletes or incoming recruits. That might not sound like much but at least they’re trying. 

Isn’t this great? Soon everyone can go back to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for their job. 

I posted this during this past summer after my wife and I spotted it on a T-shirt. It’s perfect for this time of quarantine. “Like a good neighbor, stay over there” 

Michelson/Brady vs. Woods/Manning. Sounds like good theater to me. 

Parenting, you’re doing it right. A father in New York reportedly banned his son from the family home after the college student went on a spring break trip amidst the coronavirus pandemic. After ignoring his father’s daily suggestions to come home the 21-year old finally made it back to his father’s house only to find his car in the driveway full of groceries. 

Tiger King? Not a fan. 

Making the most of it: The New Orleans Saints are planning to hold their draft war room at the Dixie Brewery in New Orleans, which is also owned by team owner Gayle Benson, since the NFL forced its teams to shut down its facilities amidst the coronavirus pandemic. 

1920: Alcohol prohibited. 2020: Liquor stores deemed essential businesses during national crisis. 

Why does one throw a ‘Hail Mary’ and not an ‘Our Father’? 

The NBA is considering many playoff scenarios. One is to have one host city to avoid travel concerns. Potential host locations: Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Hawaii, Louisville, Orlando, the Bahamas. 

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef? 

There were 101,762 fans at Wrestlemania last weekend. 

Spring is here! I’m so excited I wet my plants. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Draft Kings is running virtual NBA and NFL games (free) in lieu of the suspensions of all-things sports. The football is done via Madden

This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: The Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks Department has converted the recommended six-feet social distancing rule into social “fishtancing” – expressing the gap in terms of lengths of several varieties of fish. For example, the recommended gap equals “4 trout,” “2 shovelnose sturgeon,” “1 paddlefish,” or “1 fishing rod” measurments.  

I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, “must be nice.” 

Trivia #1 answer: On Opening Day (MLB) in 1907, the Phillies were awarded a victory after the New York Giants had to forfeit the game at the Polo Grounds. Why? – There was a heavy snowstorm and after the Giants fell behind disgruntled fans began flinging snowballs onto the fields.

Trivia #2 answer: What U.S. President showcased his ambidextrous talents when he threw out left-handed and right-handed pitches on Opening Day? – Harry Truman on April 18, 1950

Trivia #3 answer: What distinguishes viruses from bacteria? – Viruses are not living organisms where bacteria are. Viruses are only “active” within host cells which they need to reproduce, while bacteria are singled-celled organisms that produce their own energy and can reproduce on their own. 

“Does anybody really know what time it is
I don’t
Does anybody really care
About time
If so I can’t imagine why
Oh no, no
We’ve all got time enough to cry.” 

– Chicago

 

Briefly.

 Trivia #1: Which MLB team is NOT in the top five all-time, regular season winning percentage (thru 2017), bonus if you can name the top five in order: St. Louis Cardinals, Boston Red Sox, Detroit Tigers, New York Yankees, LA Dodgers, San Francisco Giants

Trivia #2: Of the top 10 worst professional sports franchises in the 2010’s, there were no NHL teams and only two NBA teams. Name them.

Trivia #3: What was the Harlem Globetrotter’s Curly Neal’s first name?

 Tell me, how did they come up with the 20-secod wash rule? Did some scientist get his hands all germy, wash his hands for 5 seconds, test and find the germs were still there? Redo at 15 seconds and find the germs were still there? Redo at 20 seconds and lo-and-behold, the germs were gone! 20 Second Rule, folks!

 Along those same lines, the six-feet thing. Not five? Not ten, but six??? Come on…

 Did you see the L.A. Rams new logo? Damn that’s ugly! I hear the Pats are coming out with a new one too. Stay tuned.

 Life is hard. It’s even harder if you don’t laugh.

If you follow… It’s a start but don’t get too excited about the past three days regarding the financial markets. The DOW Jones is still down nearly 25% from its pre-virus high.

 Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Patriots’ Devin McCourty sees a lot of promise in QB Jarrett Stidham. Says McCourty; “I love his poise.” I giggle….

 If you receive an email with the subject “ding dong” don’t open it. They are just Jehovah’s Witnesses working from home.

 This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Really? Isn’t every day a sign nowadays.

 Not all heroes wear capes.

 Every time I see an daily virus update whether from MA Gov Baker or the Coronavirus Task Force, I’m continually amazed by how the interpreter keeps up. At least I assume he/she is keeping up.

 On a single day this past week I changed my clothes from the day before AND shaved!

 R.I.P. Kenny Rogers (81) – Inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 2013, his fame and career spanned 6 decades and multiple genres: jazz, folk, pop, rock and country. He had 24 #1 hits, was a six-time Country Music Award winner and a three-time Grammy Award winner.

R.I.P. Curly Neal (77) – A featured ballhandler of the Harlem Globetrotters. DYK: Curly was named All-CIAA guard at Johnson C. Smith University in Charlotte, NC averaging 23.1 points.

 Trivia #1: Which MLB team is NOT in the top five all-time, regular season winning percentage (thru 2017), bonus if you can name the top five in order: St. Louis Cardinals, Boston Red Sox, Detroit Tigers, New York Yankees, LA Dodgers, San Francisco Giants – The Detroit Tigers (8^th at .506) – Top five: Yankees (.567), Giants (.536), Dodgers (527), Cardinals (.520), Red Sox (.519)

Trivia #2: Of the top 10 worst professional sports franchises in the 2010’s, there were no NHL teams and only two NBA teams. Name them. – The Sacramento Kings were #3 and the New York Knicks were #2. Number 1? The NFL Cleveland Browns

Trivia #3: What was the Harlem Globetrotter’s Curly Neal’s first name? – Fred

 “So love your neighbor as yourself
Don’t use money to measure wealth
Trust in God but lock your door
Buy low sell high and slow dance more

Some folks have and some have not
What really counts is what you do with what you’ve got”

 – Kenny Rogers

 And as Lawrence Welk would say; “Adios… Au Revoir… Auf Wiedersehen… Goodnight!”

 

Briefly. (not really. I think we’re all bored to some extent) 

Don’t worry, I sanitized this before sending. 

Trivia #1: Name the top 5 tight ends in Patriots history in term of career receptions (with the Patriots), bonus if in order? – Ben Coates, Aaron Hernandez, Rob Gronkowski, Daniel Graham, Marv Cook, Ben Watson, Russ Francis, Dougie McKay

Trivia #2: What’s a crwth?

Trivia #3: Four franchises have never beaten a Tom Brady led Patriots team, regular season plus playoffs. Who are they?

Trivia #4: Who was the first player in NHL history to score 50 goals in a season?

Trivia #5: How many career wins did the Tigers’ Mark Fidrych have? 21, 25, 29, 35, 44, 52, 60? 

Tom Brady. I’m sorry but I’ve had enough. Look, I get it. What an incredible run, great memories, the GOAT. But let’s face it, he’s the enemy now. If you’re a Pats fan are you going to root for him when the Bucs play the Pats? If so, you ain’t no Pats fan. 

Speaking of Tom Brady, ya, I’d still bang him! 

Trivia #3 hint, all are NFC teams. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Today, Little Darlings, a strip club in Las Vegas, will offer drive-thru strip shows to comply with Nevada’s new guidelines. On Saturday, they will be launching their new feature show at midnight, “XXX Nude Hand Sanitizer Wrestling.” 

I’m off today and plan to at least swing my clubs in the back yard. That will help. 

Arbys, we have the meats! (Loop does too!) 

You might recall I mocked Chris Sale back in November when he said he felt good. That was a long time ago. Maybe the entire MLB season will be cancelled??? #pleasejustthisonce 

Tough time if you really need a haircut. Speaking of which, we’re gonna find out what color some people’s hair really is… 

I really miss the NCAA men’s basketball tournament but hey, at least my bracket isn’t broken after the first day! 

Better to die on your feet than on your knees. 

Yesterday I ate two pieces of string and today they came out tied together. I  you knot! 

I am certainly saving money with Draft Kings offering nothing but soccer, but I do miss the action. 

I’ve realized how often I touch my face. I mean all… the… time!!!! 

I was going to mention Maurice “Rocket” Richard in my “R.I.P.” section but… he was a career Montreal Canadian (#suchahater) 

Trivia #1 answer: Name the top 5 tight ends in Patriots history in term of career receptions (with the Patriots), bonus if in order? – Ben Coates, Aaron Hernandez, Rob Gronkowski, Daniel Graham, Marv Cook, Ben Watson, Russ Francis, Dougie McKay – Gronk (521), Ben Coates (490), Marv Cook (210), Russ Francis (207), Ben Watson (184)

Trivia #2 answer: What’s a crwth? – An ancient Celtic stringed instrument that is plucked or bowed

Trivia #3 answer: Four franchises have never beaten a Tom Brady led Patriots team, regular season plus playoffs. Who are they? – Atlanta Falcons (6-0), Chicago Bears (5-0), Minnesota Vikings, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Trivia #4 answer: Who was the first player in NHL history to score 50 goals in a season? – Maurice “Rocket” Richard (in 50 games in 1944-45)

Trivia #5: How many career wins did the Tigers’ Mark Fidrych have? 21, 25, 29, 35, 44, 52, 60? – 29 

“Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours ago
I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do and nowhere to go
I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport
Put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers
I can’t control my brain
Oh no no no no no” 

– The Ramones

Briefly. 

Trivia #1: On Wednesday night, on the eve of his 33^rd birthday, Tuukka Rask became just the second Finnish goalie to record his 50^th career shutout. Who is the other?

Trivia #2: What is the smallest country in the world? – Monaco, Vatican City, Geordania, Naura, Lawrence 

March Madness! Madness, I tell you! 

I know a great joke about the coronavirus, you probably won’t get it though. 

The Players Championship – the 5^th major? Puh-lease! 

Rudy Gobert, forever an idiot. Won’t shake that! 

I messed up. I did remember to wash my hands with warm water and sing a song, but instead of singing ‘Happy Birthday’ I sang ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.’ Damn near rubbed the skin off both my hands! 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Coronavirus… reactions. 

The Duke men’s basketball team was one of the first to pull out of the now cancelled NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Why? Because they knew they weren’t going to win. Pussies. 

Be concerned, but not consumed. 

DOH! A Louisiana woman was arrested on drug charges after police determined the $5,000 cash she used to post an inmate’s bail had a “strong odor of marijuana.” A search of her car turned up $40,000 in cash and 100 Klonopin pills. A subsequent search of her house found more cash and pills as well as marijuana, cocaine and paraphernalia. Four unattended children were turned over to a relative. 

The S7K Stand Alone Putter. You line up your putt, get your S7K on the correct angle and it stands by itself. Walk behind it and better lineup your putt. Brilliant! On Amazon for $199. 

I went to the chemist and asked the assistant, “What kills the coronavirus?” She replied “Ammonia Cleaner.” I said “Oh, sorry, I thought you worked here.”

Headline of the week: “Red Sox pitching taking shape.” Ya, like Charles Barkley took shape after he retired. 

More than two dozen people, including the trainer of champion Maximum Security, were charged with what authorities described Monday as an international scheme to drug horses to make them run faster. “What actually happened to the horses amounted to nothing less than abuse,” said William Sweeney Jr., assistant director in charge of the FBI New York office. 

If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine you probably should’ve seen a doctor long before Covid-19. 

I’ve said it previous years and I’ll say it again. We are in the midst of the best time in sports over the next five weeks or so, however this year it is all being ruined. The conference hoops tournaments, the NCAA tournament, Opening in MLB, Opening Day Fenway, and the Masters followed by the NHL and NBA playoffs. (throw in St. Patrick’s Day and my birthday) At least I can celebrate and enjoy St. Patrick’s Day and my birthday. 

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. 

Trivia #1 answer: On Wednesday night, on the eve of his 33^rd birthday, Tuukka Rask became just the second Finnish goalie to record his 50^th career shutout. Who is the other? – Pekka Rinne

Trivia #2: What is the smallest country in the world? – Monaco, Vatican City, Geordania, Naura, Lawrence – Vatican City 

I may not have a vaccine for the coronavirus, but the following is the cure. 

“Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn’t even start
It’s Friday I’m in love” 

– The Cure

Briefly. 

Trivia #1: Bruno Sammartino won the WWF title in May of 1963. He held the title for nearly 8 years losing to whom in January, 1971? Bonus: Who beat this guy for the title the following month?

Trivia #2: On March 2, 1962 Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in a game, still a record. How many rebounds did he have in that game? 

New segment? One this day: In 1912 Oreo sandwich cookies are first introduced by the National Biscuit Co. 

Last week in Dublin, Ireland, Michael Smith became the first Premier League Player in three years to throw a nine-dart leg. Now I don’t to know the game of darts and after watching the replay, am still not sure what a nine-dart leg is however his wife posted his kids’ reaction and they certainly understood! Good stuff. 

One good turn gets most of the blankets. 

For the first time in history no snow was recorded in Baltimore, MD or Islip, NY for the month of February. 

I watched “Football Life” (or something like that) on ESPN the other featuring Barry Sanders. Barry Sanders might be my new favorite athlete of all time. Not only was he the greatest running back to ever play, and he arguably was, he was one of the most humble human beings I’ve seen/heard. What a guy! 

Head-scratching headline of the week: “Why Barbara Bush never died her hair” 

I can’t wait until the Tom Brady saga ends. The consensus among different sports books in Vegas has him staying in New England. 

Australian officials announced yesterday there are no longer any active bush or grass fires in New South Wales, the state hardest-hit by massive wildfires that have scorched millions of acres in the country since July. 

Former UConn men’s basketball coach Jim Calhoun has led Division III Saint Joseph to the Division III NCAA Tournament. Just two years ago the once all women’s school didn’t even have a men’s team. 

A little corny but I think Hall & Oates said it best: “There ain’t no good guy. There ain’t no bad guy. There’s only you and me and we just disagree.” 

Chaim Bloom, welcome to the Boston Red Sox. You lose your best player and arguably two best pitchers. Have at it! 

Speaking of Chris Sale and his bum elbow, the Sox rebounded by signing former Houston pitcher Collin McHugh. Last August McHugh went on the disabled list for the remainder of the season with elbow soreness. Ironic? 

64-year old Bobby Carothers of Des Moine, Iowa was sentenced to two years in prison after beating a rabbit to death with a stick and beheading it at an animal shelter. He told the arresting deputy he was hungry when asked why he killed the rabbit. Gruesome yes, but I can’t get Elmer Fudd out of my mind – “Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit, KILL THE WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAABBIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT !!!!!” 

The Celtics ruined a perfectly good Tuesday night by losing in OT to the lowly Nets after the Bruins had just beaten the Lightning earlier in the evening. 

Speaking of the Lightning, they had a goal taken back due to a reviewed offside call. Terrible call, I think. Love/Hate slo-mo replay, in all sports. 

Who do you think spends more time with his hair in the morning, President Trump or Boston Bruins’ coach Bruce Cassidy? 

Speaking of hair… Hey Shaq, lose the hairline and start shaving your head again. Jeez! 

Under the category of useless activities, don’t forget to turn your clocks back tomorrow night. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Scores of people, not just students, at Penn State gathered last Sunday night to mourn the loss of a Taco Bell location in State College, Penn after the fast-food restaurant abruptly closed. 

Trivia #1 answer: Bruno Sammartino won the WWF title in May of 1963. He held the title for nearly 8 years losing to whom in January, 1971? – The “Russian Bear” Ivan Koloff. Bonus: He promptly lost to Pedro Morales the following month.

Trivia #2 answer: On March 2, 1962 Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in a game, still a record. How many rebounds did he have in that game? – He had 25 rebounds to go along with his 100 points.  

“Lord, forgive me for what I’m thinking
Cause it’s Saturday night and I’m high and I’ve been drinking
But come tomorrow morning across the aisle
I look over and see her smile
Bow my head and the choir sings
Lord, forgive me; she’s bringing out the devil in me” 

– Anderson East

Briefly. (kinda) 

Trivia #1: Celtics’ coach Brad Stevens won his 243rd game last week moving into 5^th place for all-time wins as Celtics’ coach. Name the four ahead of him, bonus if you get them in order.

Trivia #2: Of the more than 350 items listed going up for sale Saturday morning at David Ortiz’s “all-star estate sale”, as dubbed by Exceptional Estate Sales of Sudbury. – Designer ladies clothing, Wally lunchbox, an Ortiz Bruins Jersey, Red Sox toaster, personalized wine bottle signed by Rick Porcello, 2002 HP All-in-One Printer, a pasta maker, Elliptical machine, statue of a frog playing a ukulele.

Trivia #3: What year was the first Mardi Gras celebration? – 1814, 1827, 1851, 1888, 1901, 1920

Trivia #4: What happens in the NFL just once every 14.31 games?

Trivia #5: Which of the following is not true of Kobe Bryant: He spoke fluent Italian, He was named CA High School Player of the Year, The Lakers were his favorite team growing up, He was named after the famous beef of Kobe, Japan, He was an 18-time NBA All-Star, He was born in Philadelphia? 

The NBA’s Dwayne Wade – now retired has approximately $120M and still worries about money. His parents split when he was young, Mom was on drugs, Dad was an alcoholic, he moved out at 16. Out of Marquette he was the #5 overall pick with the Heat, a 3-time NBA champ. Seems like a pretty humble guy. 

I don’t get out much and this may be old but I love Jay Bilas’ line the other night after a ridiculously long three – “…he’s got logo-range.” 

What a nice tribute to Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna on Monday.

On Monday night, after speaking at Kobe/G’s celebration, Oregon girls’ basketball phenom Sabrina Ionescu became the first NCAA player ever (not girls, the first player!) to amass 2,000 points, 1,000 rebounds and 1,000 assists in a career. 

Not sure why this took so long but MLB appointed 58-year old Kerwin Danley as its first African American umpire crew chief. DYK: Danley played college ball at San Diego State and was a first-team All-America outfielder in 1983 when he batted .399. His teammates included Colorado manager Bud Black and Tony Gwynn, his roommate. In a neat coincidence, Danley was the first base umpire when Gwynn got his 3,000^th hit. 

Revenge, you’re doing it right! A 26-year old woman once dumped by her fiancé for being “too fat”, got the ultimate revenge by being crowned Britain’s most beautiful woman. She went from 247 pounds to 131 in two years to help her bag the crown. 

Not only has Celtic’s Jason Tatum come into his own this season but I think he’s getting better each game. What a show! 

“Hey Ed, how’s Tim Tebow?” – asked no one, ever. Tebow’s first hit in the young spring season, after the first four games, was a homerun and his first dinger since July 5 in Triple-A. He said he had had “some communication” with the XFL about joining the upstart football league but decided to stick to the diamond. In four season with the Mets (all in the minors), Tebow has “hit” .222 with 18 homeruns and a .631 OPS. 

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Five men sued MLB, MLB Advanced Media, the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox in federal court in Manhattan claiming fraud, violation of consumer-protection laws, unjust enrichment and deceptive trade practices by teams that violated MLB’s rules against the use of electronics to steal catchers’ signs. The five said they participated in Draft Kings fantasy baseball contests. 

Great Celtics/Lakers game last Sunday. Not quite like in the eighties, but top notch. 

Quote for the week: “I’m the one who has to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” – Jimi Hendrix 

R.I.P. – (Jeannette) Ja’Net Dubois (75) – Ja’Net was an American actress, singer-songwriter and dancer. She was best known as Willona Woods, the neighborhood gossip maven and good friend of the Evans family on the sitcom Good Times. She also co-wrote the theme song for the show “Movin’ on Up” for The Jeffersons. 

Trivia #1 answer: Celtics’ coach Brad Stevens won his 243rd game last week moving into 5^th place for all-time wins as Celtics’ coach. Name the four ahead of him, bonus if you get them in order. – K.C. Jones (308), Doc Rivers (416), Tommy Heinsohn (427), Red Auerbach (795)

Trivia #2 answer: Name the item that was NOT in list of items at David Ortiz’s “all-star estate sale”, as dubbed by Exceptional Estate Sales of Sudbury. – Designer ladies clothing, Wally lunchbox, an Ortiz Bruins Jersey, Red Sox toaster, personalized wine bottle signed by Rick Porcello, 2002 HP All-in-One Printer, a pasta maker, Elliptical machine, statue of a frog playing a ukulele. – There was no Elliptical machine (as the writer of the article noted, the 2002 printer should bring in at least $1!)

Trivia #3 answer: What year was the first Mardi Gras celebration? – 1814, 1827, 1851, 1888, 1901, 1920 – It was February 27, 1827

Trivia #4 answer: What happens in the NFL just once every 14.31 games? – A safety

Trivia #5: Which of the following is not true of Kobe Bryant: He spoke fluent Italian, He was named CA High School Player of the Year, The Lakers were his favorite team growing up, He was named after the famous beef of Kobe, Japan, He was an 18-time NBA All-Star, He was born in Philadelphia – A little tricky, he was PA High School Player of the Year, not CA 

Have a righteous day! 

Great tune to be in your head for a Friday! (for you youngsters out there, YouTube ‘Movin on Up’) 

“Fish don’t fry in the kitchen,

Beans don’t burn on the grill.

Took a whole lot of tryin’,

Just to get up that hill.

Now we’re up in the big leagues,

Getting’ our turn at bat.

As long as we live, it’s you and me baby

There ain’t nothin wrong with that.

 

Well we’re movin on up,

To the east side.

To a deluxe apartment in the sky.

Movin on up

To the east side.

We finally got a piece of the pie.”