Author: fasted86

Briefly.

Flight attendant: “Y’all want something to eat?” Me: “What are my choices?” Flight attendant: “Yes or no”

Trivia #1: What Red Sox had a (Red Sox) career R ≥ 700, RBI ≥ 700, BA ≥.290, OPS ≥ .800 besides Ted Williams, David Ortiz, Jim Rice, Manny Ramirez & Jimmie Foxx?
Trivia #2: The last time a European won golf’s US Open was in what year? – 1965, 1970, 1975, 1976, 1979, 1982

I feel bad for parents nowadays. They have to explain the birds and the bees, the bees and the birds, the birds and the birds, the birds that used to be bees, the bees that used to be birds, plus the bees that look like birds but still got a stinger.

Go away: Jay Monahan

Speaking of Jay Monahan, there are just no words. The PGA/LIV merger is so difficult to understand. What a gutless, puke Monahan is. Senate Finance Committee Chairman Ron Wyden is seeking information from the PGA Tour’s leadership from details about the framework of the deal to an assessment of the merger’s implications for national security.  Wyden wrote that the merger “raises significant questions about whether organizations that tie themselves to an authoritarian regime that has continually undermined the rule of law should continue to enjoy tax-exempt status” in the U.S.

Go away, part deux: Conor McGregor

Speaking of Conor McGregor, that punk, after punching the Miami Heat’s mascot during Game 4 of the NBA Finals (OK, publicity stunt, I get it), but he then allegedly raped a woman in a rest room after that same game.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Authorities in Texas made a strange discovery when they were called to a residence in Harris County after a “body” was discovered on the premises. The Harris County Sheriff’s Office responded as a “deceased female was discovered.” However, “upon closer inspection” the officials determined it was a sex doll.

On this day: June 16, 1902, The Wizard of OZ premiered in Chicago, Illinois.
June 16, 1972. RCA releases David Bowie’s “The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust”, considered his artistic breakthrough.
June 16, 1977, Oracle Corporation is launched in Redwood Shores, CA. by Larry Ellison and two others. Just recently, Ellison moved into third place in terms of the world’s richest person, thanks largely to the exponential growth of AI applications.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Larry Ellison is the third richest man in the world.

To each their own. Duane Owen, convicted in the 1984 killing of a babysitter, a woman in a separate murder and rapes, was executed Thursday in Florida via lethal injection. Owen’s last meal consisted of a bacon cheeseburger with no bun, onion rings, strawberries, a vanilla milkshake, cherry ice cream and coffee. No bun? Really?

Article I’ll skip: Pat Sajak’s rumored successor was prepped for success by broadcasting legend

Nikola Jokic, what a stud! The first player in NBA history to lead the playoffs in points, rebounds and assists, and he even won the title!

They said it: “Life is so much easier when you’re dead.” – Alfie Solomons (Peaky Blinders)

Good news: I read something earlier this week and it should be written here… but I forgot what it was. Trust me, there is/was some good out there!

Ronald Acuna Jr., Atlanta Braves. Not only is he having a great season, .331 BA with 15 dingers, 45 RBI and 29 stolen bases, but did you see him the other night go from 1^st to 3^rd… on a walk! Now that’s hustle!

“Nippy.” That’s a funny word… when you think about it.

Trivia #1 answer: What Red Sox had was a (Red Sox) career R ≥ 700, RBI ≥ 700, BA ≥.290, OPS ≥ .800 besides Ted Williams, David Ortiz, Jim Rice, Manny Ramirez & Jimmie Foxx? – Dustin Pedroia
Trivia #2 answer: The last time a European won golf’s US Open was in what year? – 1965, 1970, 1975, 1976, 1979, 1982 – 1970 (Tony Jacklin)

Turns out an at-home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy World Sea Turtle Day! Happy Father’s Day also to you Dads out there.

“Now Ziggy played guitar
Jamming good with Weird and Gilly
And The Spiders from Mars
He played it left hand
But made it too far
Became a special man
Then we were Ziggy’s Band”

– David Bowie

Sorry folks but it’s Penta Day. For the 27th consecutive year(ish) we celebrate the memory of Charlie Penta. Big day locally, for many of you, not so much.

See you all next week.

Here’s to Charlie!

“Time will tell on their power minds
Making war jut for fun
Treating people just like pawns in chess
Wait till their judgement day comes”

– Black Sabbath

Briefly.

I realized I had a road rage problem when my son starting yelling “Pick a lane, asshole!” in the grocery store.

Trivia #1: Which NBA team was the first expansion team to win the NBA Finals? – Chicago Stags, Washington Capitols, Syracuse Nationals, Baltimore Bullets, Whittier Tech
Trivia #2: Which Red Sox player holds the franchise record for single-season ERA? – Cy Young, Dutch Leonard, Roger Clemens, Clay Buchholz, Curt Schilling
Trivia #3: The term “Artificial Intelligence” was coined in what year? – 1955, 1959, 1962, 1967, 1970, 2022
Trivia #4: Who wrote “I Can’t Stop Lovin’ You? – Ray Charles, Don Gibson, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin, Jim Reeves

My kids get a kick out of the fact that when I was a kid, we used to buy road maps at the gas station while on vacation and travel like pirates.

Go away: Ja Morant

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A simulation of an artificial intelligence-enabled drone tasked with destroying surface-to-air missile (SAM) sites turned against and attacked its human user, who was supposed to have the final go- or no-go decision to destroy the site. The AI system learned that its mission was to destroy SAM, and it was the preferred option. But when a human issued a no-go order, the AI decided it went against the higher mission of destroying the SAM, so it attacked the operator in simulation.

I guess the Denver Nuggets won game 1 of the NBA Finals last night. So I hear.

On this day: June 2, 1835, P.T. Barnum and his circus begin first tour of the U.S. Also, June 2, 1989, 14-year-old Scott Isaacs spells “spoliator” to win 1989 Spelling Bee

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: 14-year-old Scott Isaacs spells “spoliator” to win 1989 Spelling Bee

Article I’ll skip: 83-year-old Al Pacino allegedly asked 29-year-old girlfriend for a paternity test. (Atta boy!)

Good news: I’m working on something, really…

Trivia #1 answer: Which NBA team was the first expansion team to win the NBA Finals? – Chicago Stags, Washington Capitols, Syracuse Nationals, Baltimore Bullets, Whittier Tech – Baltimore Bullets
Trivia #2 answer: Which Red Sox player holds the franchise record for single-season ERA? – Cy Young, Dutch Leonard, Roger Clemens, Clay Buchholz, Curt Schilling – Dutch Leonard (0.96 in 1914)
Trivia #3 answer: The term “Artificial Intelligence” was coined in what year? – 1955, 1959, 1962, 1967, 1970, 2022 – 1955 by John McCarthy
Trivia #4 answer: Who wrote “I Can’t Stop Lovin’ You? – Ray Charles, Don Gibson, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin, Jim Reeves – Don Gibson (1958)

Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe calm down.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Leave the Office Early Day!

“Those happy hours that we once knew
Tho’ long ago, they still make me brlue
They say that time heals a broken heart
But time has stood still since we’ve been apart”

Don Gibson – performed by Ray Charles

Briefly. (The ocean calls)

A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF

Trivia #1: Who was the first artist to have a top 40 hit in seven consecutive decades?
Trivia #2: What city is known as the birthplace of Memorial Day? – no hints/multiple choice

Go away: LeBron James

Here’s a reminder before you lose your shit today. They don’t serve alcohol in prison.

On this day: May 26, 1897, Irish writer Bram Stoker published the Gothic horror classic Dracula, which became the basis for an entire genre of literature and films about vampires.

Article I’ll skip: Kids need to be kids in America, said Orlando cab driver troubled by the trans agenda

Good news: The Lakers were swept by the Denver Nuggets

Speaking of the Celtics… they live on.

Speaking of the NHL… I hate when Bruins’ fans say that they’ll feel better if the Florida Panthers win it all because they beat the Bruins. Bullshit. Nothing can make me feel better about their losing this year.

R.I.P. Rick Hoyt (61) due to complications with his respiratory system – Boston Marathon icon was a longtime staple on the Boston course, pushed in his wheelchair by his father Dick for decades. Rick was also a pioneer in education. His mother, Judy Hoyt changed the laws allowing her son to be educated alongside his nondisabled peers.
R.I.P. Tina Turner (83) – American—born Swiss singer known as the “Queen of Rock ‘n Roll.” She rose to prominence as the lead singer for the Ike & Tine Turner Revue before launching a successful career as a solo performer. Two-time Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee, also inducted to the Soul Music Hall of Fame and the St. Louis Classic Rock Hall of Fame.

Trivia #1 answer: Who was the first artist to have a top 40 hit in seven consecutive decades? – Tina Turner
Trivia #2 answer: What city is known as the birthplace of Memorial Day? – no hints/multiple choice – Waterloo, New York

Listen, if drunk me said or did something, you gotta take it up with drunk me. Don’t come at sober me because we weren’t there. We don’t know what happened.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Paper Airplane Day!

“Big wheel keep on turning
Proud Mary keep on burning
We’re rolling, rolling
Rolling on the river
Liston to the story”

– Creedence Clearwater Revival – Performed by Tina Turner

Briefly.

I had a job interview yesterday and was hired on the spot. The manager said, “I will start you off at $15/hour and in 6 months, I’ll increase it to $25/hour. When can you start?” I said, “In 6 months.”

Trivia #1: Who were the only two teams from 1975-88 – a span covering 28 playoff series – that held homecourt playoff advantage in a post-season series vs. the Boston Celtics? Bonus: name the years – A) 76ers/Lakers, B) Bucks/Bullets, C) Bucks/Lakers, D) 76ers/Bucks
Trivia #2: Which player was the first to win two NBA Finals MVP awards? – Wilt Chamberlain, Michael Jordan, Willis Reed, Larry Bird, Satch Sanders
Trivia #3: Two players have won the PGA Championship five times, name the two – Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson, Sam Snead, Walter Hagen, Arnold Palmer, Dane Hubbard

Go away: Dylan Mulvaney

Speaking of Dylan, Bud Lite sales were down for the fifth straight week, down 23.6% in the week ending May 6.

If you ever need me, I’m always just 3 missed calls and 4 text messages away.

On this day: May 19, 1884, the Ringling Brothers circus premieres. Also, on May 19, 1906, the Federated Boys’ Club (Boys’ Club of America) organizes

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Voice clones and chatbots are allowing scammers to trick the elderly into making them believe they are talking to a relative or close friend, which leaves them vulnerable to theft. “Imposter” scams lead to about $2.6 billion in losses every year and the elderly are particularly at risk now that scammers have access to voice-clone technology.

Of course the NBA wants a Celtics/Lakers final. The immediate problem though is that the Celtics lost game one of their series with the Heat and the Nuggets lead the Lakers 2-0 in the West.

In Bruins news, they are out and now the Kraken is out. I’m out.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Eric Cole, all 5’9” 155 lbs of him, leads the PGA Championship after round one, with play suspended due to darkness. (I’m going to go out on a limb and say he doesn’t win)

Article I’ll skip: Security experts weigh in on Harry, Meghan moving to taxi during alleged chase

The $2.2 million 1,914 hp Rimac Nevera set 23 speed records on a German test track on April 30. The Nevera sprinted to 60 mph in 1.74 seconds, beating the 1.79-second mark set last year by the Pininfarina Battista, which is built on the same battery-powered platform. It also ran a quarter-mile in 8.25 seconds and a half-mile in 12.82 seconds, the latter of which about as quick as it would cover the distance in a free fall. Its braking prowess was demonstrated with a run from 0 mph to 249 mph and back to 0 mph that it completed in 29.93 seconds, more than a second quicker than the previous record. Wowza!

I still can’t get over the fact that the Bruins are finished and the Celtics are in the conference finals.

They said it: “If a man wants to pretend he’s a woman, that’s up to him. But if he wants us to pretend he’s a woman, that’s up to us.” – anonymous

Good news: Actor and humanitarian Gary Sinise will hold a “Welcome Home” concert next week for those who served in Vietnam to show his Gratitude to veterans. Sinise’s band, the Lt. Dan Band, which he has been performing for nearly 20 years, will share the stage with actor and director Joe Mantegna as well Medal of Honor Recipient, Vietnam Vet Sammy Davis. Eleven POWs will also attend.

Man, do we need rain up here in the northeast. Let it rain, baby!

Meanwhile, torrential rain inundated parts of northern Italy, killing at least 11 people and forcing thousands to evacuate. The death toll from the severe flooding that ravaged parts of northern Italy this week rose to 13 on Thursday.

People often ask me, not really, how is Shohei Ohtani doing? Right now, he’s 5-1 with a 3.23 ERA, 0.91 WHIP and 66 strikeouts in 53 innings on the mound. At the plate, he’s hitting .303/.377/.555 with eight doubles, two triples, nine homers, 29 RBI and 25 runs. He’s stolen six bases, too. Stud.

R.I.P. Doyle Brunson (89) – was an American poker player who played professionally for over 50 years. He was a two-time World Series of Poker (WSOP) Main Event Champion, a Poker Hall of Fame inductee, and the author of several books on poker. Brunson was the first player to win $1 million in poker tournaments.


Trivia #1 answer: Who were the only two teams from 1975-88 – a span covering 28 playoff series – that held homecourt playoff advantage in a post-season series vs. the Boston Celtics? Bonus: Name the years – A) 76ers/Lakers, B) Bucks/Bullets, C) Bucks/Lakers, D) 76ers/Bucks – 76ers (’77) and Lakers (’87)
Trivia #2 answer: Which player was the first to win two NBA Finals MVP awards? – Wilt Chamberlain, Michael Jordan, Willis Reed, Larry Bird, Satch Sanders – Willis Reed (with the Knicks in ’70 & ’73)
Trivia #3 answer: Two players have won the PGA Championship five times. Name the two – Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, Tom Watson, Sam Snead, Walter Hagen, Arnold Palmer, Dane Hubbard – Walter Hagen and Jack Nicklaus

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife but she figured out I was only after my money.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Pizza Party Day!

“Let it rain, let it rain
Let your love rain down on me”

– Eric Clapton

Briefly.

And Jesus came upon me. He sat next to me on the couch, put one arm over my shoulder and took my phone with the other hand. He grinned as he scrolled through my phone showing me the memes I had stored, all the while explaining to me why I can’t go to heaven.

Trivia #1: Who was Simka Gravas?
Trivia #2: Only four players in NLB history have stolen second, third and home in the same inning, more than once in their career. Which of the following did not, name two? – Honus Wagner, Max Carey, Jackie Tavaner, Pete Rose, Ty Cobb, Rod Carew
Trivia #3: Who is the only player to play quarterback in the Super Bowl, Rose Bowl and Grey Cup?
Trivia #4: Who is the last switch-hitter to win the American League MVP?

How are y’alls summer bodies coming along? Mine’s looking like I have a great personality.

On this day: May 12, 1812, the Waltz was introduced into English ballrooms; some observers consider it disgusting and immoral. (some things never change, eh)
May 12, 1997, chess-playing computer Deep Blue, developed by IBM, defeats Chess Grandmaster Garry Kasparov 3.5-2.5.

Also, on this day, in 1893, Henri Desgrange established world’s first bicycle world record, travelling 35.325 km (21.95 miles) an hour. My question, if it was the first world record, he could have been going three (3) miles per hour, correct???

Oh boy, how long is this going to last? Chris Sale hit 99 mph on his fastball the other night.

Through April 19, the Red Sox Masataka Yoshida had played 13 career games, securing a paltry .167/.310/.250 batting line (batting average, on-base percentage, slugging percentage) with one home run, adding up to a .560 OPS. But since April 20, Yoshida has turned a corner. He has a hit in all 16 games (this was through this past Monday) he has played since then, and his 28 hits and 48 total bases over that span are both most in MLB. He has a remarkably efficient .438/.479/.750 line with five homers since April 20 (1.229 OPS), leading all players with at least 40 plate appearances in both batting average and OPS. (he’s 0-9 since Monday, DOH!)

A bus carrying 60 passengers was making the hour-long journey from Jinotega to San Sebastián de Yalí in Nicaragua on Monday when the vehicle skidded off the road and plunged 165 feet down a ravine. While all passengers survived the initial terrifying drop, the bus landed in a coffee plantation field that was home to a number of disturbed – and angry – killer Africanized bees. Six people ultimately died from the killer bees’ stings and 14 others were hospitalized after the incident. (Imagine the screaming… Terrible!)

DYK: Horses sleep standing up and don’t worry about falling because of a system of tendons and ligaments that allow them to lock the major joints in their legs. (I’m here to educate)

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A second school district from Michigan has banned students from carrying backpacks on school premises after a third-grade student was found with a loaded gun. It was the fourth such incident already this year in which a student was found with a handgun.

You’ve heard people say, “He’s got a boatload of money, or “She’s got a boatload of this or a boatload of that.” What if it’s a small boat?

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: TB12 facility on Boylston Street in Boston abruptly closes after 3-plus years.

Article I’ll skip: Robert De Niro joins Mick Jagger, Clint Eastwood, and Richard Gere becoming dads again after 65

Trivia #3 hint: If you were paying attention, you’d know he died this past week.
Trivia #4 hint: Kind of a trick question. If you were paying attention, you’d know he died this past week.

The New England Patriots open at home against two playoff teams, the Eagles and Dolphins, before traveling to the revamped Jets and Dallas. That is very possibly an 0-4 start. I hear the over/under is 7.5 wins. I’ll unfortunately take the under. There schedule is tied for the 3^rd hardest in the NFL, based on last years’ records.

The New York Giants play 7 of their first 10 games on the road, which is a first in NFL history since the league added bye weeks in 1990. The league has never forced a team to play on the road in seven of the first 10 weeks, let alone seven of their first 10 games. 

They said it: “We know that when you have a bad actor, and all they have is a single-shot rifle as opposed to an AR-15, they can’t kill as many people, and the AR-15 is nothing compared to what we are going to see from artificial intelligence, from the disruptive uses of these tools. Most of those people are responsible, most of those people will not try to disrupt, to destroy, but a lot of them will.” Ian Bremmer, founder and president of political risk research firm Eurasia Group. 

Good news: You may have seen that the COVID-19 Public Health Emergency ended yesterday, May 11, 2023. This means that many hospital policies made during the pandemic are changing. Now don’t get me wrong, it ended long ago. Nonetheless, Halleluiah!!!!

More good news: Every high school senior graduating in the state of Georgia this year, 120,000 students, has received a book titled “‘The Talk’ (about money), A Young Adult’s Guide to the ONE DECISION That Changes Everything.” – Now it appears that the crux of the book regards decisions on how to handle income from their first “Real” job. I’m hoping there’s some mention of college expenses, maybe like; “Hey, think about student debt and know that Big Brother ain’t paying anymore.”

In Bruins’ news, the Celtics live another day.

R.I.P. Denny Crum (86) – Coached Louisville men’s basketball from 1971-2001 and to the 1980 and 1986 NCAA Championships. Admirably labeled “Cool Hand Luke” by former commentator Al McGuire, he was inducted into the Naismith Memorial Hall of Fame in 1994.
R.I.P. Vida Blue (73) – Left-hander for the Oakland A’s, in 1971 went 24-8 with a 1.82 E.R.A.

that season, spinning 24 complete games and eight shutouts and working 312 innings, the most in nearly 60 years by a pitcher in his first full season. He won the American League’s Most Valuable Player Award and the Cy Young. Blue lost his first start that season and then won eight in a row, all complete games. From June 1 through July 21, he averaged more than nine innings in a stretch of 11 starts (twice he went 11 innings).

Trivia #1 answer: Who was Simka Gravas? – Simka was the wife of Latka Gravas in the hit show “Taxi” which ran from 1978 to 1982.
Trivia #2 answer: Only four players in NLB history have stolen second, third and home in the same inning, more than once in their career. Which of the following did not, name two? – Honus Wagner, Max Carey, Jackie Tavaner, Pete Rose, Ty Cobb, Rod Carew – Pete Rose, Rod Carew (each did it once, Rose did it 43 years ago today)
Trivia #3 answer: Who is the only player to play quarterback in the Super Bowl, Rose Bowl and Grey Cup? – Joe Kapp
Trivia #4 answer: Who is the last switch-hitter to win the American League MVP? – Vida Blue

I was offered sex the other day with a Victoria Secret model. In exchange, I was supposed advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my Facebook page. Of course, I declined because I am a person of high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the incredibly strong bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon scent and vanilla.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Limerick Day! (There once was a man from Nantucket…)

“Some people think they’re gonna die someday
I got news, ya never got to go”

– “Terrible” Ted Nugent
Great/Classic tune, if you have 10+ minutes

Briefly.

It’s like my mom always told me, “You might not be the dumbest guy in the world, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”

Trivia #1: Who is Ludvig Aberg?
Trivia #2: Who is Olivia Pichardo?
Trivia #3: Two jockeys have 5 career Kentucky Derby wins. Which two? – Angel Cordero Jr., Bill Shoemaker, Bill Hartack, Earle Sande, Victor Espinoza, Eddie, Arcaro, Mike Smith
Trivia #4: Bill Shoemaker holds the title as the oldest jockey to win the Kentucky Derby at age 54. Alonzo “Lonnie” Clayton and James “Soup” Perkins hold the record as the youngest at what age? – 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20
Trivia #5: In what year was the Kentucky Derby cancelled due to inclement weather? – 1893, 1899, 1918, 1934, 1954
Trivia #6: What is another name for the Battle of Pueblo Day?

What is the leading cause of dry skin?… Towels

On this day: May 5, 1908, in the 34^th Kentucky Derby, Arthur Pickens aboard 66-1 chance Stone Street wins in muddy track conditions; 2:15.20, the slowest Derby in history
May 5, 1986, The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announces Cleveland, Ohio as the site of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum

Go away: Jalen Brown. Well, not necessarily Brown himself, just lose the mask, will ya!

This just in, Warren Zevon is not on the ballot for the 2023 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. Blasphemy!

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Alexa monitors and learns your behavior and requests, then it knows what you missed. For example, the response to “Alexa, good night” might be, “You left the kitchen light on. Would you like me to turn it off?” – Freaky!

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The Kansas City Chiefs’ 38-35 victory over the Philadelphia Eagles on February 12 drew an average of 115.1 million viewers across all platforms, nearly 2 million more than Nielson’s previous announcement. The updated show that this year’s Super Bowl surpassed the previous record set in 2015, when 114.4 million people watched the Patriots beat the Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX.

For the first time in NBA history a team from all 8 seeds made it to the semifinals: Denver (1), Boston (2), Philly (3), Phoenix (4), NY Knicks (5), Golden State (6), LA Lakers (7), Miami (8). (Should have been mentioned in useless information??)

Article I’ll skip: AI has Keanu Reeves, Harrison Ford and Elon Musk’s ex-girlfriend Grimes at odds over its use

They said it: “The development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of the human race.” British theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking during a BBC interview… in 2014.
They said it, part deux: “I simply write the songs about where I am and where I’m from. I take situations and write poems about them.” – Gordon Lightfoot

Good news: I think, technology-wise. The remains of a 79-year-old man, missing for nearly 10 months, were found in a dense, swampy area after an aerial drone search pinpointed a skeleton and clothing.
Good news, part deux: At the end of his pregame press conference following Game 1 versus the Celtics, ex-Celtics coach Doc Rivers took a few minutes to remember Heather Walker, the late Celtics executive who died last week after a battle with glioblastoma. The Celtics left a seat open for Walker in the media section of TD Garden as a tribute. They also wore shooting shirts with Walker’s initials ahead of Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semifinals against the 76ers.

In Bruins’ news…

Damn. Now even Meg Ryan looks old.

R.I.P. Gordon Lightfoot (84) – Canada’s legendary folk singer-songwriter. Considered one of the most renowned voices to emerge from Toronto’s Yorkville folk club scene in the 1960s, Lightfoot went on to record 20 studio albums and pen hundreds of songs. Once called a “rare talent” by Bob Dylan, dozens of artists have covered his work, including Elvis Presley, Barbra Streisand, Harry Belafonte, Johnny Cash, Anne Murray, Jane’s Addiction and Sarah McLachlan. In 1986, he was inducted into the Canadian Recording Industry Hall of Fame, now the Canadian Music Hall of Fame. He received the Governor General’s award in 1997 and was ushered into the Canadian Country Music Hall of Fame in 2001.

Trivia #1 answer: Who is Ludvig Aberg? – The Texas Tech University student, from Sweden, is the number one player on the World Amateur Golf Ranking. He defended the Big 12 Men’s Championship winning by 8 shots and smashed the previous Big 12 scoring record by 11 shots with his 72-round score of 265 after rounds of 67, 66, 63 and 69.
Trivia #2 answer: Who is Olivia Pichardo? – from Brown University, she is the first woman to play NCAA Division 1 baseball.
Trivia #3 answer: Two jockeys have 5 career Kentucky Derby wins. Which two: Angel Cordero Jr., Bill Shoemaker, Bill Hartack, Earle Sande, Victor Espinoza, Eddie, Arcaro, Mike Smith – Bill Hartack and Eddie Arcaro
Trivia #4 answer: Bill Shoemaker holds the title as the oldest jockey to win the Kentucky Derby at age 54. Alonzo “Lonnie” Clayton and James “Soup” Perkins hold the record as the youngest at what age? – 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 – They were both 15 years old, Clayton (1892) and Perkins (1895)
Trivia #5 answer: In what year was the Kentucky Derby cancelled due to inclement weather? – 1893, 1899, 1918, 1934, 1954 – The Kentucky Derby has never been cancelled due to inclement weather
Trivia #6 answer: What is another name for the Battle of Pueblo Day? – Cinco de Mayo

Police have confirmed that the man who fell from the 18^th floor nightclub was not a bouncer.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Hoagie Day! Oh, and that Cinco de Mayo-thing.

“Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searchers all say they’d have made Whitefish Bay
If they’d put fifteen more miles behind her
They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters”

– Gordon Lightfoot

Briefly.

Not every woman realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why your broke.

Trivia #1: What does “ZIP” stand for in Zip Code?
Trivia #2: How many separate stints did Billy Martin have as manager of the New York Yankees? – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Trivia #3: Which of the following professions was not one of Jerry Springer’s? – Broadcaster, Journalist, Writer, Actor, Producer, Lawyer, Politician
Trivia #4: Who is “Masa?”
Trivia #5: How many MLB players have hit two homeruns in one inning? – 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 705
Trivia #6: Which two of the following schools are NOT in the top five in terms of having the most players drafted into the NFL? – Oklahoma, Alabama, Florida, USC, Notre Dame, Michigan, Ohio State

I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.

On this day: April 28, 1919, American stuntman and parachute developer Leslie Irvin (23) makes first premeditated free-fall parachute jump from a plane above the Army Air Service’s McCook Field near Dayton, Ohio. (I love how this reads “premeditated”)

The Red Sox are 13-13 and in last place in the AL East. At .500 they would be 2^nd in the AL Central, tied for 2^nd in the NL West and tied for 3^rd in the NL East. Just sayin’

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A Vermont elementary school is reportedly removing “male” and “female” language from its fifth grade science lessons covering the human body, puberty and reproduction. Teachers would now only use “gender-inclusive language” in these lessons in order to align their curriculum with the school’s equity policy. Terms like “male” and “boy” would be replaced with “person who produces sperm.” Likewise, “female” and “girl” would be replaced with a “person who produces eggs.”

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: A.J. McCarron’s was 28-of-35 passing in the St. Loius BattleHawks’ 53-28 win over the Orlando Guardians with 420 passing yards and six touchdown passes. His six touchdown passes put him in the upper echelon of XFL history. He has 24 touchdown passes this season, setting the record for most in a single season in a league. He broke Tommy Maddox’s record set in 2001 for the LA Extreme.

Game 5, you’re doing it wrong. On consecutive nights, the Celtics and Bruins lost game 5 and their respective chances to close out their series. (At least the Celtics redeemed themselves last night)

Article I’ll skip: ESPN’s Jalen Rose blasts Phil Jackson over comments about not watching the NBA anymore.

U.S. residents are spending more money to purchase legal cannabis than they are on chocolate, craft beer and topical pain relief. Americans spent roughly $30 billion on legal marijuana in 2022 while only spending around $20 billion on chocolate. Though the legal purchase of marijuana is becoming increasingly popular, sales still fell behind the tobacco industry, which made around $53 billion last year despite a steady decline.

Good news: Jim and Stacy Chaplin, parents of one of the slain University of Idaho students (Ethan Chapin) back in November, emerged from isolation and announced the creation of “Ethan’s Smile” at Tulip Valley Farms in Mount Vernon, Washington. ‘Ethan’s Smile’ will fund scholarships for students in Skagit Valley, Washington to the University of Idaho. 

R.I.P. Jerry Springer (79) – Springer, the former Cincinnati mayor and long time TV host whose tabloid talk show was known for outrageous arguments, thrown chairs and physical confrontations between sparring couples and homewreckers.

Trivia #1 answer: What does “ZIP” stand for in Zip Code? – Zone Improvement Plan
Trivia #2 answer: How many separate stints did Billy Martin have as manager of the New York Yankees? – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 – the answer is 5
Trivia #3 answer: Which of the following professions was not one of Jerry Springer’s? – Broadcaster, Journalist, Writer, Actor, Producer, Lawyer, Politician – He was not a writer
Trivia #4 answer: Who is “Masa?” – The Red Sox’ Masataka Yoshida
Trivia #5 answer: How many MLB players have hit two homeruns in one inning? – 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 – 60, the most recent being Masa!
Trivia #6: Which two of the following schools are NOT in the top five in terms of having the most players drafted into the NFL? – Oklahoma, Alabama, Florida, USC, Notre Dame, Michigan, Ohio State – Alabama (6^th) and Florida (9^th)

I don’t mean to brag but… I just put a puzzle together in one day and the box said 2-4 years.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Superhero Day!

“He’s got this dream about buying some land
He’s gonna give up the booze and the one-night stands
And then he’ll settle down
In some quiet little town
And forget about everything

But you know he’ll always keep moving
And you know he’s never gonna stop moving
‘Cause he’s rolling, he’s the rolling stone”

– Gerry Rafferty

Briefly.

Whoever snuck the “s” in “fast food” was a clever little bastard.

Trivia #1: What color is Pantone 342?
Trivia #2: Who is the only person to have played for the Boston Bruins, Boston Celtics and Boston Red Sox?
Trivia #3: Who is the only goaltender to have his name appear on the Stanley Cup as the captain of the cup-winning team? – Jacques Plante, Charlie Gardiner, Patrick Roy, Terry Sawchuk, Kippy Manseau

I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

On this day: April 21, 1918 – World War I: German fighter ace Baron Manfred von Richthofen “The Red Baron”, shot down and killed over Vaux sur Somme in France, Canadian pilot Arthur Roy Brown credited with the kill

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: This week’s sign of the apocalypse: CENTCOM, which is tasked with safeguarding U.S. national security in the Middle East and Southeast Asia, just hired Dr .Andrew Moore as its first AI advisor. Moore is the former director of Google Cloud AI and former dean of the Carnegie Mellon University School of Computer Science, and he’ll be working with Schuyler Moore, CENTCOM’s chief technology officer. They both agreed that while some are imagining AI-driven weapons, the U.S. military aims to keep humans in the decision-making seat, and using AI to assess massive amounts of data that helps the people sitting in those seats.

Just another reason why The Masters is such a great event. I received this email from masters.com: We hope you enjoyed the 87th Masters Tournament. At Augusta National Golf Club, we are committed to elevating every patron and fan experience related to the Masters. To help us better serve our fans, we invite you to share feedback on your Masters experience through this brief survey.

Stop complaining. When looking at fatalities related to tornadoes, 2023 is stacking up to be one of the highest on record. In 2011, 553 people died in tornadoes. With approximately 70 deaths, this year is already within the top 10 for deaths.

Article I’ll skip: William Shatner forecasts future of space flight, gives look into new FOX series. (If you think about it, ‘Shatner’ is a pretty funny name)

60, but still 12!

More thoughts on being 60+:

• I say “I love you” more often
• I also say “f*k off” more often 😊
• I can remember going an entire day without taking a picture
• I can fall asleep in a chair at any time of the day just by sitting in it
• As for feeling old?? Carol Burnett is turning 90!

The Winnipeg Jets’ Morgan Barron took a skate to the face during the first period Tuesday night. The cut required 75 stitches. Barron was back on the bench to start the second period wearing a full face mask and continued to play. NHL Hockey!

The Milwaukee Bucks’ Giannis Antetokounmpo did not play Wednesday and is day-to-day with a sore back. NBA Basketball!

“I can drive!”, you’re doing it wrong – Christopher Faran Stanford, 50, pleaded guilty to felony DWI and chose to allow a jury of his Parker County, Texas, peers to decide his punishment. It was his ninth DWI charge. The jury handed a sentence of life in prison.

Good news: A first-grade female student in Tennessee has gone viral on TikTok after dressing as country music legend Dolly Parton. (Hey, I’m just glad to see a girl dressing up as her own gender!)

Trivia #1 answer: What color is Pantone 342? – It is a “brilliant rye green” or “dark shade of green-cyan or… the color of the Masters green jacket.
Trivia #2: Who is the only person to have played for the Boston Bruins, Boston Celtics and Boston Red Sox? – Organist John Kiley
Trivia #3: Who is the only goaltender to have his name appear on the Stanley Cup as the captain of the cup-winning team? – Jacques Plante, Charlie Gardiner, Patrick Roy, Terry Sawchuk, Kippy Manseau – Charlie Gardiner (Chicago Blackhawks, 1934)

The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day!

“I’d sell my soul for you babe
For money to burn with you
I’d give you all, and have none, babe
Just to, just to, just to, to have you here by me
Because

In the midnight hour she cried – “more, more, more”
With a rebel yell she cried – “more, more, more”

– Billy Idol

Briefly.

Did you realize that if you sit on the toilet at 11:59pm and the clock strikes midnight, it’s the same shit, different day?

Trivia #1: What does a lexicographer do?
Trivia #2: How many different options does Facebook have for gender? – 10, 20, 30, 40, 50
Trivia #3: Edmonton’s Connor McDavid finished this season with 153 points, the second most by a player not named Lemieux or Gretzky. What player, not named Lemieux or Gretzky, has the most points in a season (135)? – Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, Bernie Nicholls, Steve Yzerman, Ivan Cournoyer, Jaromir Jagr
Trivia #4: Who is Aliyah Boston?

Remember, it’s what you do when no one’s watching.

On this day: April 14, 1828, Noah Webster submitted the copyright of the First American Dictionary for publication.
April 14, 1996, The Detroit Red Wings win an NHL record 62^nd game. (Ahhh, better check that…)

How fitting that the Bruins closed out the regular season with a win over Montreal. The Bruins closed the season at 65-12-5, the most wins in a season ever (65), the most points in a season ever (135). Now let’s go win the Cup!

Celebrating, you’re doing it wrong. Connecticut Sen. Richard Blumenthal underwent surgery on Sunday after fracturing his femur. Blumenthal fractured his femur during a mishap at the victory parade for the UConn Men’s Basketball team on Saturday. Apparently, someone was taking a video of the 77-year-old senator during the parade and fell on top of him which caused the injury.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: See trivia question #2.

After sweeping our pathetic Red Sox (there, I said it), the Tampa Bay Rays are one win away from setting the record for wins to start the season (14-0).

Article I’ll skip: Gisele Bundchen shares message about regrowth after a ‘storm’, months following divorce

John Elway is finally leaving football for good.

Hardcover or paperback? I’m not much of a reader but, when I do read a book, I have to admit I prefer the hardcover. Some books are only published as one or the other which I don’t get. It’s stuff like this that keeps me up at night.

They said it: “Not to sound dramatic but it is possible a listener saved my life by setting up that appointment.” – Longtime Boston sports talk radio host Fred Toucher after he revealed that he will be undergoing throat surgery. A listener heard his failing voice and put him in touch with a doctor he works with.

Good news: Lindos Sueños translates into English as “Beautiful Dreams”. The Lindos Sueños program strives to bring people of different backgrounds together through the common appeal of baseball and community service. Since 2004, sends 10 American teenage boys to the Dominican Republic every summer. Once the Americans arrive in the Dominican, they perform community service and play baseball alongside 10 teammates from the Dominican Republic. The 20 teens serve a community in-need each morning, and spend each afternoon playing baseball at the Boston Red Sox Dominican Academy.

Trivia #1 answer: What does a lexicographer do? – It is a person who compiles dictionaries
Trivia #2 answer: How many different options does Facebook have for gender? – 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 – There are 50 choices
Trivia #3 answer: Edmonton’s Connor McDavid finished this season with 153 points, the second most by a player not named Lemieux or Gretzky. What player, not named Lemieux or Gretzky, has the most points in a season (135)? – Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, Bernie Nicholls, Steve Yzerman, Ivan Cournoyer, Jaromir Jagr – Steve Yzerman
Trivia #4 answer: Who is Aliyah Boston? – Former Worcester Academy graduate and South Carolina University player, the #1 pick in this past week’s WNBA draft.

You might as well go ahead and pronounce the “L” in “salmon.” Nothing matters anymore.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Ex-Spouse Day! – Is there really a thing?

“It’s a dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn’t understand
His son is working for the Daily Mail
It’s a steady job
But he wants to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)”

– The Beatles

See what I did there?

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 [EF1]