Author: fasted86

Briefly.

Fun football fact: JFK has only missed one Detroit Lions playoff victory.

Trivia #1: Who is Masanori Murakami?
Trivia #2: The record for the largest attendance at a women’s sporting event (92,003) was recently broken. What was the sport? – Volleyball, Soccer, Basketball, Track & Field, Field Hockey, Mud Wrestling
Trivia #3: Who is Louis Lappe?
Trivia $4: Dan Marino led the NFL in passing yards in 1984, 1985, 1986 and 1988. Who was the passing yards leader in 1987? – Boomer Esiason, John Elway, Bernie Kosar, Joe Montana, Jim Kelly, Warren Moon, Neil Lomax

September already, damn!

College football is well under way and, by this time next week, the NFL will have kicked off its season… baby!

In every relationship there is one person who stacks the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and one who stacks it like a racoon on crystal meth.

Go away: Mookie Betts and Bailey Zappe. Look, Mookie Betts is a great player, OK, but I’m glad he’s left town. He’s no longer a Red Sox, go away. As for Bailey Zappe, get over it, Pats’ fans. Not that I’m a huge Mac Jones fan but Zappe is a/the backup, he’s nothing more.

On this day: September 1, 1931, the Yankees’ Lou Gehrig hit his 3^rd grand slam in 4 days and 6^th homerun in consecutive days. Impressive!
September 1, 1995, The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opened in Cleveland, Ohio. DYK: Warren Zevon is still not a member

WTF! As cases of COVID-19 start to spike again, hospitals across the country are reinstating their mask mandates.

It’s coming… football season is coming!

Stop complaining: Unless you live in southeastern U.S. and were affected by Idalia, stop complaining.

The Red Sox are 4 games over .500 (69-65), 14.5 games back in the AL East and 6.5 games back in the Wild Card race but hey… they’re 4 games ahead of the Yankees!

They said it: “If kids knew what they wanted to be at age eight, the world would be filled with cowboys and Indians. I wanted to be a pirate. Thank God nobody took me seriously and scheduled me for eye removal and peg leg surgery.” – Comedian Bill Maher

Joe Montana says that Dan Marino is the “best” quarterback of all time. OK, Joe.

I love it! Eunice Davidson, co-founder and president of the Native American Guardians Association (NAGA), headquartered in North Dakota, is leading a viral petition demanding the Washington Commanders reclaim their historic Redskins name.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The Pentagon announced the launch of a new website with the All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO), which will provide the public with declassified information about UFOs, or what the government calls unidentified anomalous phenomena (UAPs). Great, something else the government is coming out with to scare the piss out of the public.

Headline of the week: Woman stabbed grandfather in face after grandparents ‘asked her to shower’: Police

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The Red Sox have the hardest remaining schedule. Really, does it matter?

Good News: The WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon raised $4,070,760 last week! The Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon has raised over $70 million since 2002 to help strike out cancer.

Article I’ll skip: Survey finds not everybody is wild about the current AI craze

Trivia #1 answer: Who is Masanori Murakami? – He was the first Japanese-born player to appear in MLB (San Francisco Giants). The Osuki native threw a scoreless inning in his September 1, 1964 debut.
Trivia #2 answer: The record for the largest attendance at a women’s sporting event (92,003) was recently broken. What was the sport? – Volleyball, Soccer, Basketball, Track & Field, Field Hockey, Mud Wrestling – The Nebraska Cornhuskers’ women’s volleyball team set the record playing outdoors at Memorial Stadium
Trivia #3 answer: Who is Louis Lappe? – Louis hit a walk-off homerun for El Segundo (CA) to win the Little League World Series over Curacao, 6-5, last weekend. Curacao had tied the game at 5-5 with the grand slam in the 5^th inning. Quite a game!
Trivia $4 answer: Dan Marino led the NFL in passing yards in 1984, 1985, 1986 and 1988. Who was the passing yards leader in 1987? – Boomer Esiason, John Elway, Bernie Kosar, Joe Montana, Jim Kelly, Warren Moon, Neil Lomax – Neil Lomax (STL)

What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.? E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Acne Positivity Day!

“She likes wearing lipstick
She likes French cuisine
But she won’t let me use my passion
Unless it’s in a limousine

She got me under pressure
She got me under pressure”

– ZZ Top

Double-bonus video

Briefly.

Me, on the phone: “Is this the helpline for alcoholics?”
“Yes, it is.”
Me: “How do you make a mojito?”

Trivia #1: Who won the FedEx Cup Championship in 2010? – Brandt Snedeker, Jim Furyk, Bill Haas, Tiger Woods, Henrik Stenson, Dane Hubbard
Trivia #2: Who won the 2018 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2018)?

I get the whole “gender reveal” thing, I guess. But I was thinking… in today’s world, maybe parents should have one for their kid every 5 years or so…

On this day: August 25, 1970, Elton John made his 1^st US appearance (Troubador, West Hollywood, Los Angeles, CA)

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The lowest wage that Americans are willing to take in order to accept a new job hit a record high this year. The average “reservation wage” – or the minimum acceptable salary offer required for workers to switch jobs – hit $78,645 during the second quarter of 2023. Note: Whatever happened to the days when you were just happy to get a job?!

WTF! Angelina Tran, a 21-year-old University of Washington student, died as a result of her injuries on Aug 7. She was stabbed 107 times! Her stepfather, Nghiep Kein Chau, is charged with first-degree murder and attempted first-degree murder in connection with the attacks against Tran and her mother – all of which was captured on a home surveillance camera.

Have you heard about, or seen video of “Banana Ball?” What a scream! Check it out. I think the best “rule” is that there are no walks. Instead, at ball four, the runner takes off for first base. He runs until he is tagged out, potentially coming all the way around to score. Every player on defense needs to touch the ball before the runner can be tagged out! Hilarious!

It’s coming… football season is coming!

Stop complaining: The Lahaina wildfire burned approximately 2,170 acres, or about 3.4 square miles. It is about 90% contained.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: For the first time in two decades, Bud Light is not the best-selling beer in America. Modelo Especial, which is owned by Constellation Brands, has surpassed Bud Light in year-to-date sales. It comes several months after the Anheuser-Busch brand started facing a backlash from partnering with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney. But it’s the first time that Modelo is taking over for Bud and potentially for the whole year. 

Instead of a condom I carry a moist towelette in my wallet. I find I run into chicken wings more often than sex.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Donald Trump is 6’3”, 215 lbs.

Good News: The son of a fallen Utah police officer was escorted to his first day of kindergarten on Monday by his mom and a group of what the South Salt Lake Police Department called “fill in ‘Dads’” who stood in for his father.

Article I’ll skip: The juicy details behind Taylor Swift’s wild wedding weekend revealed.

Trivia #1 answer: Who won the FedEx Cup Championship in 2010? – Brandt Snedeker, Jim Furyk, Bill Haas, Tiger Woods, Henrik Stenson, Dane Hubbard – Jim Furyk
Trivia #2 answer: Who won the 2018 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2018)? – NHL (Washington Capitals), NBA (Golden State Warriors), MLB (Boston Red Sox), NFL (Philadelphia Eagles)

My wife told me I should act more my age. So I do, only first I convert to Celsius.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Banana Split Day!

“Oh, Philadelphia freedom
Shine on me, I love ya
Shine a light through the eyes of the ones left behind
Shine a light, shine the light
Shine the light, won’t you shine the light?
Philadelphia freedom, I love ya
Yes, I do”

– Elton John

In honor of Banana Split Day!

Briefly.

Dear Bill Collectors, I know I owe you, but I have some good news. I typed “AMEN” on a Facebook post and in 48 hours I will get a ton of money, so when I get it, I’ll pay you!

Trivia #1: What are the odds of the average golfer making a hole-in-one, according to the National Hole-In-One Registry and as cited by the Professional Golf Association (PGA)? – 5,000 in 1, 12,500 in 1, 22,550 in 1, 40,000 in 1, 65,500 in 1
Trivia #2: What school did the fictitious Fawn Liebowitz attend?
Trivia #3: Who won the 1977 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 1977)?

Fun camping fact: When staying at a public campground, a banjo placed on the picnic table will keep the campsites on either side of you vacant.

On this day: August 18, 1955, over 18 inches of rain fell in Westfield, Massachusetts. Sound familiar???
August 18, 1967, Boston Red Sox Tony Conigliaro is beaned by Angels Jack Hamilton at Fenway Park; injuries including a fractured cheekbone, dislocated jaw, and eye damage that kept him from returning for a year and a half, and led to improvements in batting helmets.

WTF! Headline: Personal financial explains how to prepare for the end of the federal student loan pause – honestly, I had to read this multiple times

The Red Sox stink, blah-blah-blah… but hey, the Yankees are worse!

Quarterback Tyler Buchner transferred from Notre Dame to Alabama in 2023. He must got tired of doing homework.

Stop complaining: Google pictures from the devastation in Maui. Believe me, you’ll stop complaining. Note: I have found, through my extensive research, that google.com is the best way to google things on the internet. Hey, I’m here to help.

Deadliest US wildfire in over a century. One particular wildfire in Lahaina traveled at more than one mile per minute with winds gusting between 60-81 miles per hour. 99 deaths, 1,418 at shelters.

They said it: “Winning a championship was so much more rewarding as an executive than winning as a player.” – Danny Ainge

Good News: Amazon Pharmacy will release coupons that will automatically bring down the cost of insulin on more than a dozen insulin and diabetes care brands. The move will effectively help patients using the online pharmacy access discounts for the critical diabetes medicine that major drugmakers had promised to offer earlier this year.

Wanna feel old? The Red Sox first signed Rafael Devers 10 years ago.

More good news. 160 families in Hawaii are offering to share their houses with other people/families who have been displaced by the wildfires.

Headline of the week: Super Bowl champ Sony Michel refutes report he died

Article I’ll skip: Another explosive revelation emerges in bitter “Blind Side” legal battle. (Until this all comes out in the wash, I am already done with hearing from both sides)

Trivia #1 answer: What are the odds of the average golfer making a hole-in-one, according to the National Hole-In-One Registry and as cited by the Professional Golf Association (PGA)? – 5,000 in 1, 12,500 in 1, 22,550 in 1, 40,000 in 1, 65,500 in 1 – The odds are 12,500 in 1
Trivia #2 answer: What school did the fictitious Fawn Liebowitz attend? – Emily Dickinson College
Trivia #3 answer: Who won the 1977 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 1977)? – NHL (Montreal Canadiens), NBA (Portland Trailblazer), MLB (New York Yankees), NFL (Oakland Raiders)

It’s about time to break out the 32-piece camping set. One campfire, one folding chair and 30 beers.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Fajita Day!

“Well, I was feeling sort of bad now
Asked my family doctor about what I had
I said, “Doctor, Doctor, mister M.D. (doctor)
Can you tell me (doctor), what’s ailing me? (doctor)

He said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”
All you need, all you really need: good loving”

– The Grateful Dead

Briefly.

Aliens are going to be confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Trivia #1: What is the significance of the Indian Packing Company in the world of sports?
Trivia #2: What is the deadliest natural disaster? – Extreme heat, Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Floods, Wildfires
Trivia #3: What NHL goalie has the longest undefeated streak (32 games)? – Ken Dryden, Gerry Cheevers, Grant Fuhr, Frank Brimsek, Billy Smith, Jacque Plant, Kip Manseau

The good thing about brain farts is that they don’t typically don’t stink… typically.

On this day: August 11, 1972, “Cheech & Chong Day” in San Antonio, TX
August 11, 2003, a heat wave in Paris results in temperatures rising to 112 degrees, leaving 144 dead

DOH! A 76-year-old man, who mistakenly thought his car was struck by an 87-year-old man when he and his wife pulled into the Glenview County (FL) golf club for dinner at its restaurant, punched the man, knocked him to the ground, killed him and is now facing manslaughter charges. The suspect was identified by police from a 3-month-old photo of him celebrating a hole-in-one, he was wearing the same clothes.

Shohei Ohtani became the quickest player to 40 homers and 15 stolen bases. He did it in 114 games. Also, DYK, in his first 674 games, Babe Ruth had 159 homeruns and his W-L record was 35-18 in his first 455 innings pitched. Ohtani had 160 homeruns in his first 674 games and his W-L record was 35-19 in his first 455 IP.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A wildfire burning near the California-Nevada border has ravaged parts of the Mojave National Preserve’s famed Joshua tree forests, and experts worry that the massive blaze will forever change the fragile desert ecosystem.

WTF! At least 23 states and the District of Columbia allow undocumented students to access in-state tuition at public colleges and universities.

Stop complaining: Frustrations are starting to mount in Hawaii as the state tries to find any survivors of the worst disaster in its history. On Thursday, Governor Josh Green announced the death toll from a series of brush fires in Maui would surpass 53, but officials declined to speculate on how much they expected the number would grow.

Pheonix, AZ, clocked its 44^th consecutive day over 105 degrees on Monday.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The Red Sox are 24-5 wearing their putrid, LeBron-yellow uniforms.
Useless information supposed to fire my imagination, part deux: The Patriots lost last night.

I’m rooting for football coach Deion Sanders to fail at Colorado U. He is a disingenuous, self-centered dink.

Bobblehead Night, you’re doing it wrong: Wednesday night was Enrique “Kike`” Hernandez bobblehead night at Fenway Park. Kike` was recently dealt to the Dodgers.

Speaking of the Red Sox, again, they are all done. If you know me, this is not usually said by August 11 but… they are all done.

Good News: Local U.S. Marine Corps veteran Pfc. Kevin Gilbert Alder was awarded his Purple Heart last weekend 55 years after he was wounded in Vietnam. I do not know the 73-year-old but good for him!

Article I’ll skip: Kevin Costner’s reaction to Taylor Swift’s record-breaking concert

R.I.P. Gilles Gilbert (74) – Boston Bruins goalie 1973-80, was 155-73-39 with 2.95 goals against average.
R.I.P. Robbie Robertson (80) – Guitarist and main songwriter for The Band. The Toronto-born musician penned classics such as “The Weight” and “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down.”

Trivia #1 answer: What is the significance of the Indian Packing Company in the world of sports? – On August 11, 1919, the Green Bay Packers football club was founded (by George Calhoun and Curly Lambeau) and named after their sponsor, The Indian Packing Company
Trivia #2 answer: What is the deadliest natural disaster? – Extreme heat, Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Floods, Wildfires – Extreme heat kills on average twice as many people each year than hurricanes and tornadoes combined
Trivia #3 answer: What NHL goalie has the longest undefeated streak (32 games)? – Ken Dryden, Gerry Cheevers, Grant Fuhr, Frank Brimsek, Billy Smith, Jacque Plant, Kip Manseau – Gerry Cheevers (1971-1972)

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Presidential Joke Day! (oh, boy)

“Back with my wife in Tennessee
When one day she called to me
Said “Virgil, quick come see,
There goes the Robert E. Lee”

Now I don’t mind chopping wood
And I don’t care if the money’s no good
You take what you need
And you leave the rest
But they should never
Have taken the very best”

– The Band (you’ve heard it before but do yourself a favor and watch ‘The Last Waltz’… if not, watch it again!)

Briefly.

Neil Armstrong was the first person to land on the moon. “Neil Armstrong” backwards is “Gnorts, Mr Alien”

Trivia #1: What city has hosted the Olympics a record three times? – Beijing, Paris, Barcelona, London, Los Angeles, Rome, Lawrence
Trivia #2: Who is Israel Abanikanda?
Trivia #3: Who was the first MLB Rookie f the Year? – No hints
Trivia #4: What’s the difference between a mixture and a solution?

A lot of people don’t realize that the actor “Wilson” in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

On this day: August 4, 1918, Adolf Hitler receives the Iron Cross first class for bravery on the recommendation of his Jewish superior, Lieutenant Hugo Gutmann – go figure
August 4, 1984, Prince’s “Purple Rain” album goes #1 and stays #1 for 24 weeks

I watched a few innings of a Little League World Series game the other day before realizing I was watching the Red Sox.

Headline of the week: Browns beat Jets (It’s football season!… well, almost)

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Not to be confused with Headline of the Week: AI influencer gets plenty of dating app attention, despite not being real
This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: Some of today’s most popular musical artists have left their concerts with bruises and stitches this year due to unruly fans who have been hurling objects at them or rushing the stage while they’re trying to perform. Today’s culture experts suggest the trend has been exacerbated by several factors, including the rise of social media and the return from the COVID-19 lockdowns. Nowadays, experts muse, it goes beyond just showing love to the artist onstage. Some are so desperate to go viral, they’re willing to cause harm to celebrities.

There was an article in Golf Digest recently, “7 Smart Ways to Play Better Tomorrow.” Just my luck, I didn’t play the next day.

WTF! Unruly passenger incidents on airplanes are on the rise, increasing by 47% globally in 2022 over 2021. Relax, people!

Article I’ll skip: Street preacher responds after arrest for protesting at drag event for families

Being a daredevil, you’re doing it wrong. Remi Lucida, known on social media as “Remi Enigma”, fell from the 68^th floor of a Hong Kong skyscraper. Police believe he became trapped outside of the building while practicing an “extreme sport.”

R.I.P. Paul Reubens (70) – American actor, comedian, writer and producer, he created his Pee-wee Herman character in 1981. “Pee-wee’s Playhouse” began in 1986 and accrued 22 Emmy Awards during its 5-year run. Reuben himself was nominated for 14 Emmys winning two.

Trivia #1 answer: What city has hosted the Olympics a record three times? – Beijing, Paris, Barcelona, London, Los Angeles, Rome, Lawrence – London
Trivia #2 answer: Who is Israel Abanikanda? – Israel is a running back for the New York Jets and last night scored the first touchdown of the NFL preseason.
Trivia #3 answer: Who was the first MLB Rookie f the Year? – Jackie Robinson (1947)
Trivia #4 answer: What’s the difference between a mixture and a solution? – In a mixture, substances are generally just mixed and are not completely dissolved. In a solution, substances are dissolved completely and they cannot be filtered out. – So, that Tito’s and soda you’re drinking? It’s a solution! How ironic is that!

My wife found out I was cheating after she found letters I was hiding. She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Water Balloon Day!

“It takes two to get together
It takes time to make it last
We’ll all end up in some way
Like the drink in last night’s glass
But we’ll take this chance together
Let’s not think about the end
Never mind the strangers
‘Cos I’ll always be your friend
Until the end”

– The Saw Doctors

A little bonus given the aforementioned Purple Rain reference.

Briefly.

It’s so hot outside the crackheads are putting the copper back in the A.C. units.

Trivia #1: Why is WD-40 called WD-40?
Trivia #2: I was watching the D1 Lacrosse championship game a couple of weeks ago. Unbeknownst to me, it was played back in May! Who won? – Notre Dame, Duke, North Carolina, Virginia, UMass, Northern Essex
Trivia #3: Who was Shuhada` Sadaqat?
Trivia #4: How many times was Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver ejected from a game? – 54, 77, 89, 91, 98, 110

If you don’t understand what a loan is, perhaps college isn’t for you after all.

Are you feeling it yet? Football is just around the corner!

Oh, what a day/night? Shohei Ohtani (yes, in this column again) pitched a complete game, one-hit shutout in game one of a doubleheader against the Tigers, and followed that with 2 homeruns in game 2! Unfortunately, he left after the second homerun from “cramping.”

On this day: July 28, 1588 – English set alight eight fireships with pitch, brimstone, gunpowder and tar, and cast them downwind towards the closely anchored vessels of the Spanish Armada, scattering the armada
July 28, 2016 – Earliest evidence of cancer found in 1.7 million-year-old toe fossil from Swartkrans Cave, South Africa, published in “South African Journal of Science”

Don’t even start! The CDC warns life-threatening food allergy is impacting thousands.

Headline of the week: Sheriff warns hikers of naked sexual predator targeting women along trails

You know I don’t get into politics here, but poor Mitch McConnell.

Our Boston Red Sox are 14-5 in the month of July and are being mentioned in Wild Card conversations. Whoddu thunk?

Roughly one million earths could fit inside the sun. Chew on that for a second.

Time heals all, apparently. Paris Hilton is now a spokesperson for Taco Bell. Wow, remember that video?

#99 – Atlanta Braves pitcher Spencer Strider wears #99 because that was the number worn by “Major League” legend, Rick Vaughn. The other night, Strider fielded a groundball and tagged the runner out himself. The batter was the Red Sox’ Alex Verdugo, who wears #99! (I know, whoooooa!)

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Though it is only July 28, scientists have already calculated that this month will “likely be the warmest human civilization has ever seen.”

Stop complaining. Ya, you!

WTF! Wind capsized a Philippine ferry when passengers crowded to one side of the wooden vessel i panic of the fierce winds. 26 people died and 40 others rescued. The ferry was supposed to carry a maximum 42 passengers and crew members.

Article I’ll skip: Top 5 moments from Hunter Biden hearing

R.I.P. Randy Meisner (77) – Founding member of The Eagles. Once referred to as “the sweetest man in the music business.” He left the band after 6 years sighting exhaustion from touring.

Trivia #1 answer: Why is WD-40 called WD-40? – It stands for Water Displacement, 40^th formula (attempt)
Trivia #2 answer: I was watching the D1 Lacrosse championship game a couple of weeks ago. Unbeknownst to me, it was played back in May! Who won? – Notre Dame, Duke, North Carolina, Virginia, UMass, Northern Essex – Notre Dame
Trivia #3 answer: Who was Shuhada` Sadaqat? – Irish singer, songwriter and musician Sinead O’Connor, who passed away the other day at 56.
Trivia #4 answer: How many times was Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver ejected from a game? – 54, 77, 89, 91, 98, 110 – 91 (He was once ejected from both games of a doubleheader!)

Interviewer: “Your salary won’t be very good starting out. Is that OK?
Interviewee: “My performance won’t be very good until it is. Is that OK?”

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Milk Chocolate Day!

I don’t know whether to take it easy or take it to the limit.

“And when your looking for you freedom
(Nobody seems to care)
And you can’t find the door
(Can’t find it anywhere)
When there’s nothing to believe in
Still you’re coming back, you running back
You’re coming back for more”

– Eagles

-A little bonus from Jerry Lee Lewis, who debuted on the Steve Allen Show on this day in 1957

Briefly. (Please excuse my one-week hiatus, I’m wicked sorry)

Mick: “Paddy, if you were stranded on a desert island, who would you like most to be with you?”
Paddy: “My uncle Tommy.”
Mick: “What’s so special about your uncle Tommy?”
Paddy: “He’s got a boat!”

Trivia #1: White Mountain National Forest: Land of “blank” “blank”
Trivia #2: The first Open Championship was held in Prestwick in 1860 with how many players? – 8, 12, 16, 20, 24, 32
Trivia #3: Who won the 2003 Open Championship as the only player under par? – Ben Curtis, Vijay Singh, Thomas Bjorn, Lee Trevino, Gary Player

If you don’t understand what a loan is, perhaps college isn’t for you after all.

45% of those polled (they didn’t ask me!) approve of student loan forgiveness. Are you kidding me?!

On this day: July 21, 1853 – Central Park in New York was created

Go away: The debate over whether the movie “Diehard”, released 35 years ago this month, is a Christmas film.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A young male, who formerly identified as a transwoman, who was castrated and became a “patient for life” as part of “gender-affirming care” wants to warn others not to follow in his footsteps. (I read this 11 times and still don’t get it!)
This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: A Florida family was awarded $800,000 in damages after a girl was left with second-degree burns outside a McDonald’s in Tamarac, near Fort Lauderdale, when a McDonald’s Chicken McNugget fell on her leg when her mother pulled away from a drive-thru. (No truth to the rumor that the burn resembled that from a cigarette butt)

Stop complaining. Just stop.

WTF: (Possibly new topic here) – Alabama executed James Barber last Friday morning for the brutal beating death of an elderly woman 22 years ago. 22!!! His last meal consisted of “loaded” hash browns, a western omelet, spicy sausage and toast.

Lady in the commercial for the life alert necklace said she fell. Laid there for 8 hours until her friend came. My question, why didn’t the cameraman help??

Article I’ll skip: John Stamos names the castmate who made him want to get ‘the f—‘ “Full House”

Good news: Ummm, I didn’t go to work today???

Trivia #1 answer: White Mountain National Forest: Land of “blank” “blank” – White Mountain National Forest: Land of Many Uses
Trivia #2 answer: The first Open Championship was held in Prestwick in 1860 with how many players? – 8, 12, 16, 20, 24, 32 – There were 8 players
Trivia #3 answer: Who won the 2003 Open Championship as the only player under par? – Ben Curtis, Vijay Singh, Thomas Bjorn, Lee Trevino, Gary Player – Ben Curtis

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell “orange” and you asked me the fruit or the color, it kinda caught me off guard.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Junk Food Day!!!! (Have at it!)

“Hey tonight
Gonna be tonight
Don’t you know I’m flyin’
Tonight, tonight
Hey, c’mon
Gonna chase tomorrow
Tonight, tonight”

– Creedence Clearwater Revival

Briefly. (kinda)

Me: I’m full of lust but I just can’t perform in bed. Doctor: Do you struggle with the booze? Me, while looking at my wife: The booing is bad but the slow clapping is just sarcastic.

Trivia #1: How is it that the 93^rd MLB All-Star game is being played next Tuesday and the first one was played in 1933?
Trivia #2: Which of the following is NOT in the top 5 all-time in career batting average in the All-Star game? – Charlie Gehringer, Ted Williams, Joe Carter, Derek Jeter, Ted Kluszewski, Al Simmons
Trivia #3: This past Wednesday was the hottest day on earth ever recorded since recordings began in 1979. What was the average global temperature (Fahrenheit)? – 59.10 degrees, 60.94, 61.43, 62.92, 63.77
Trivia #4: What does AITA stand for in regards to social media?

The best thing since sliced bread!

On this day: July 7, 1928, sliced bread sold for the first time by the Chillicothe Baking Company, Missouri, using a machine invented by Otto Frederick Rohwedder.
July 7, 1965, Otis Redding records the song “Respect” at Stax Studios in Memphis, Tennessee.

Go away: Rain

Golf commentary continues to kill me. “Great golf shot!” Ya, no shit. You don’t hear other sports announcers saying things like, “Great basketball shot!” or “He’s a great shooter of the puck” or “great thrower of the football.”

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s official website published advice for trans and non-binary individuals on seeking guidance on how to “chestfeed” their infants.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse, part deux: Our nation is facing a health crisis among young people with 77% of America’s youth not eligible to serve in the military.

Do you play pickleball? Maybe now you don’t but it’s been taking off for years and that trend continues. Fenway Park is hosting pickleball from July 12 through 16, featuring professional and amateur tournaments as well as open play for fans. Twelve temporary courts will be set up in the outfield over the five-day period. Pickleball at Fenway Park is in collaboration with Pickle4, a newly formed organization partnered with the US Open Pickleball Championships focused on developing America’s fastest growing sport.

Slogan of the week: “Save the Ales!” Courtesy of the Atlantic Brewing Company, Bar Harbor, ME.

Stop complaining. It’s wicked hot outside. Go ahead and complain.

So, you’re all asking for a Shohei Ohtani update, no one actually asked, so here it is. It was a historic June for Ohtani. He hit 15 homeruns in the month, most in a month in Angels’ history, and is the first player to reach 30 homeruns before July 1 in 10 years. For the month, he hit .394, had 41 hits and 29 RBIs, the best month of his career. His .952 slugging percentage in June was the 3^rd highest in MLB history and his 1.444 OPS is the highest since Lou Gehrig in 1936.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Birmingham Stallions earn second consecutive USFL championship after beating the Pittsburgh Maulers 28-12.

Article I’ll skip: Kid Rock fans reveal what beer they’re drinking – or not drinking – this July 4th

“Big 12”, you’re doing it wrong. After adding Houston, Cincinnati, BYU and UCF, the Big 12 it set to begin the NCAA football season with 14 teams before Texas and Oklahoma depart for the SEC in 2024.

Good news: A Texas woman retired this month after working for 74 years in sales for Dillard’s department store — never once missing a day or calling in sick. Melba Mebane, 90, started her career in 1949 as an “elevator girl” at the Mayer & Schmidt department store in Tyler, Texas, which Dillard’s acquired in 1956. Said the sotre’s manager: “She’s not just a salesperson. She’s a mother. She guides you. She gives you advice on life. She’s amazing.”

Trivia #1 answer: How is it that the 93^rd MLB All-Star game is being played next Tuesday and the first one was played in 1933? – There were no games played in 1945 (WW II) and 2020 (Pandemic) and, for four years (1959 thru 1962), two All-Star games were played.
Trivia #2 answer: Which of the following is NOT in the top 5 all-time in career batting average in the All-Star game? – Charlie Gehringer, Ted Williams, Joe Carter, Derek Jeter, Ted Kluszewski, Al Simmons – Ted Williams
Trivia #3 answer: This past Wednesday was the hottest day on earth ever recorded since recordings began in 1979. What was the average global temperature (Fahrenheit)? – 59.10 degrees, 60.94, 61.43, 62.92, 63.77 – 62.924 degrees
Trivia #4 answer: What does AITA stand for in regards to social media? – “Am I The Asshole” – people ask AITA when sharing personal disputes in which they are unsure if they’ve acted they like an asshole—that is, been mean, selfish, or wrong in some way

Me: Oh no, our neighbor died. My wife: Who, Ray? Me: I really don’t think cheering is appropriate.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Day of Rock ‘n’ Roll!

“Hey little girl, you’re so sweeter than honey
And I’m about to give you all my money
But all I’m askin’, hey
Is a little respect when I get home”

– Aretha Franklin

In honor of National Day or Rock ‘n’ Roll – bonus video!

“It’s been a long time since I rock ‘n’ rolled” (I really hope is hasn’t been a long time for you)

Briefly.

Was checking out and asked if I could pay by card. The cashier said no problem, what card do you have? I said, “the six of spades.”

Trivia #1: The 40-hour work week law was approved for federal employees in what year? – 1928, 1930, 1932, 1934, 1936
Trivia #2: The Yankees’ Domingo German pitched the 4^th perfect game in MLB history the other night. Which of the following has Not pitched a perfect game? – Roy Halladay, Kenny Rogers, David Wells, Dennis Martinez, Tom Browning, Lefty Grove, Addie Joss, Jim Bunning

On this day: June 30, 1988 – Brooklyn, NY dedicates a bus depot honoring Jackie Gleason and his role as bus driver Ralph Kramden in “The Honeymooners”

Also, on June 30, 1966 – England spin bowler Derek Underwood goes wicketless in his Test cricket debut vs West Indies at Nottingham; captures 297 wickets in illustrious 86 Test career. Say what?

Go away:

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The rapid advancement of artificial intelligence (AI) programs capable of generating realistic images has led to an explosion in child pornography and blackmail attempts by criminals determined to exploit kids and teenagers.

Another sign of the apocalypse: An Alabama eight-year-old had his sights on Disney World and decided to open up a lemonade stand to help him get there. However, he and his mother received a surprising call that added a wrench in their plans. Cam and his mother Cristal Johnson were contacted by the Alabama Labor Department over a complaint that the lemonade stand violated child labor laws.

The Red Sox are 40-42 and are not even close to being that good.

Stop complaining. Much of the American Midwest and Northeast faced unhealthy air alerts because smoke from Canada wildfires continued to blanket the region, while the Southern U.S. faced extremely dangerous heat. There were 127 million people under air quality alerts, and 79 million more under heat alerts on Wednesday.

He delivers! Not. A North Texas postal worker Eugene Gates Jr., 66, died on June 20 after he collapsed while delivering mail amid a dangerously high heat index. The heat index the day the worker died reached 115 degrees Fahrenheit, the highest recorded temperature in the Dallas-Fort Worth area since 1980.

The roof of my mouth just healed from a McDonald’s apple pie I had in 1979.

Article I’ll skip: Carrie Underwood at center of rumored feud with fellow ‘American Idol’ winner.

Good news: Good news about AI, even! The first-ever drug generated by artificial intelligence has entered Phase 2 clinical trials, with the first dose successfully administered to a human. The drug, currently referred to as INS018_055, is being tested to treat idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF), a rare, progressive type of chronic lung disease.

R.I.P. Ryan Mallett (35) – Former NFL and University of Arkansas quarterback died in an apparent drowning. Mallett was also head football coach at White Hall high school in AR. 35, damn.

Trivia #1 answer: The 40-hour work week law was was approved for federal employees in what year? – 1928, 1930, 1932, 1934, 1936 – 1936
Trivia #2 answer: The Yankees’ Domingo German pitched the 4^th perfect game in MLB history the other night. Which of the following has Not pitched a perfect game? – Roy Halladay, Kenny Rogers, David Wells, Dennis Martinez, Tom Browning, Lefty Grove, Addie Joss, Jim Bunning – Lefty Grove

If they grew Doritos on a farm it would be a pretty cool ranch.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National OOTD Day! (Outfit Of The Day, apparently)

And Happy 4^th of July next week! Let’s all try to remember why we celebrate the holiday, shall we??

“Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain
With the rain in Shambala
Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame
with the rain in Shambala”

– Three Dog Night

Briefly. (I gotta go climb a mountain)

My blonde girlfriend thinks USB is a backup plan in case USA fails.

Trivia #1: Who was the first American-born player to win the Open Championship? – Walter Hagen, Bobby Jones, Jim Barnes, Harry Vardon, Jock Hutchinson, Dane Hubbard
Trivia #2: Why does golfer Rickie Fowler where orange? – It is his daughter’s favorite color, He went to Clemson University, He likes oranges, He went to Oklahoma State University, There’s nothing that rhymes with it

Go away: Aaron Rodgers (he didn’t listen to me the first time)

You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, you can always post your case to Facebook and wait for all the know-it-alls to offer advice.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: NCAA volleyball player, Mary Petty wrote a tweet about the debate over transgender athletes participating in women’s sports, but the tweet had gone over the media platform’s character limit. She asked OpenAI’s widely popular ChatGPT to shorten the tweet and was “told” the message was rewritten to promote inclusivity.

On this day: June 23, 1939, Bronko Nagurski beats Lou Thesz in Houston to win the National Wrestling Association world heavyweight title.
June 23, 1975, rocker Alice Cooper falls off stage in Vancouver, breaking 6 ribs

I saw a list of songs entitled “!00 songs that were made to play in the car.” Upon further review, I would retitle it: “100 songs that make me want to drive 100 MPH.”

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: USFL MVP favorite Alex McGough has the Stallions on the verge of making championship game.

Article I’ll skip: Major American sports league makes decision about Pride jerseys during warmups

Are you feeling old lately? Judge Judy is 80!

Now I’ve seen some interesting restroom signs before, but in a place called “Geddy’s” in Bar Harbor, Maine – “Inboard” & “Outboard”

Good news: (More like a “They said it”) – 99-year-old Mildred Kirschenbaum, of Boca Raton, FL; “You’ve got to enjoy life. If you’re up there in years, do yourself — not your children, not your friends, not your world — yourself, a favor: Enjoy everything.”

Trivia #1 answer: Who was the first American-born player to win the Open Championship? – Walter Hagen, Bobby Jones, Jim Barnes, Harry Vardon, Jock Hutchinson, Dane Hubbard – Walter Hagen ((1922)
Trivia #2: Why does golfer Rickie Fowler where orange? – It is his daughter’s favorite color, He went to Clemson University, He likes oranges, He went to Oklahoma State University, There’s nothing that rhymes with it – He went to Oklahoma State University

“Tonight, I’m gonna party like it’s 1999…” How’s that song doing nowadays? In the meantime, I’m going to party like it’s 2023!

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy United Nations Public Service Day!

“I told her that I came from Detroit City
And I played guitar in a long-haired rock-and-roll band
She asked me why the singer’s name was Alice
I said, “Listen, baby, you really wouldn’t understand.”

– Alice Cooper

Bonus video!