Author: fasted86

Briefly.

Life was so much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.

Trivia #1: What team holds the longest active championship drought in sports in North America (75 seasons)?
Trivia #2: Of the 119 World Series played, how many have gone 7 games? – 27, 32, 28, 40, 42, 47, 61
Trivia #3: In the Super Bowl era, what coach is the only one with a winning record as an underdog (minimum 50 games)?
Trivia #4: Whose formal Jewish name was, “Yehudeh Lieb bar Schlomo Naren HaLevi?”

On this day: October 27, 1867, Guiseppe Garibaldi marches on Rome for the second time
October 27, 1975, Bruce Springsteen is featured on the covers of both Time & Newsweek magazines
October 27, 2004, the Boston Red Sox complete the sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals in winning their first World Series in 86 years.

They said it: On October 27, 1913: “The US will never attack another country.” – President Woodrow Wilson

WTF: A new report on the number of deaths from euthanasia in Canada revealed the procedure has exponentially risen in use the last several years, accounting for more than 4% of all deaths in the country in 2022. That is up 31.2% from the previous year.

The Bruins lost last night, their first loss of the season. Going back, the Bruins are 32-5 in the regular season. Pretty good streak. As of Tuesday’s win, the Bruins had the most wins (78) over any 100-game span in NHL history.

Speaking of the Bruins, the Boston Celtics won their opener the other night. Now, I still hate the NBA game but I’m genuinely excited bout the Celtics. Banner 18?

Celtics’ play-by-play announcer Mike Gorman called his first game in 1981. He is retiring after this season. I’ve stated in the past, I’m not a fan of farewell tours but I’ll give Gorman a break. He’s deserved it!

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: A New Jersey school district canceled official school-wide Halloween celebrations, citing its diversity, equity and inclusion values and the purported potential for the festival to be offensive to people from various cultural and religious backgrounds. 

You ain’t a beauty but hey, you’re alright.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Red Sox hire Craig Breslow as their chief baseball officer

For all you conspiracy theorists who think major league sports are fixed, MLB most definitely did not script a World Series between the Texas Rangers and Arizona Cardinals. Outside of both teams’ fanbases, is anyone going to watch? Will their own fanbases even watch?? (Full disclosure, I’ll watch a game 7)

Speaking of the Rangers, on September 8^th, they had just completed a 4-16 20-game span and were in 3^rd place Houston and Seattle. They then went 23-11 while taking down Tampa (99-63), Baltimore (101-61) and the defending world champs Houston Astros.

Ah, the cool, crisp smell of autumn. No, not pumpkin spice, I’m talking wet, dead leaves.

Article I’ll skip: Doctors share the foods you shouldn’t eat if you want to avoid major health crisis. (Please, articles like this come out every day. What to eat, not to eat, blah, blah, blah…)

Trivia #1 hint: It’s an NFL team
Trivia #4 hint: He was also known as Jerome Lester Horwitz

Good news: The Tunnel to Towers Foundation carried out its 22nd annual 5K Walk & Run in NYC. The 5K, which travels through the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel to Ground Zero, honors first responders and service members who lost their lives as a result of the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. Forty thousand people from all over the country gathered in New York City on Sunday.

Trivia #1 answer: What team holds the longest active championship drought in sports in North America (75 seasons)? – The Cardinals
Trivia #2 answer: Of the 119 World Series played, how many have gone 7 games? – 27, 32, 28, 40, 42, 47, 61 – There have been 40 series that have gone the full 7 games
Trivia #3 answer: In the Super Bowl era, what coach is the only one with a winning record as an underdog (minimum 50 games)? – The Steelers’ Mike Tomlin
Trivia #4 answer: Whose formal Jewish name was, “Yehudeh Lieb bar Schlomo Naren HaLevi?” – “Curly” of the Three Stooges

Doctor: So, what seems to be the problem?
Patient: Well doctor, a wolf bit me.
Doctor: Where?
Patient: No, just an ordinary one.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National American Beer Day!

“Down in the shadow of the penitentiary
Out by the gas fires of the refinery
I’m ten years burning down the road
Nowhere to run ain’t got nowhere to go

Born in the U.S.A.”

– Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen

Briefly.

OK, hear me out: An old-fashioned candy necklace, but with Tums and Ibuprofen

Trivia #1: Who is the youngest player to hit a homerun in the World Series?
Trivia #2: Who are the only two players to homer in their first two World Series at-bats? (Hint: One of them is the answer to question #1)

Go away: Hamas

On this day: October 20, 1940, cheese was rationed in the Netherlands
October 20, 1968, American Dick Fosbury using his unconventional technique wins the men’s high jump gold medal at 2.24m at the Mexico City Olympics; the “Fosbury Flop” becomes accepted most efficient technique.
October 20, 1977, a plane chartered by rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd runs out of fuel and crashes in a wooded area near Gillsburg, Mississippi. Six people are killed, including band members Ronnie Van Zant, Steve Gains, and Cassie Gaines, and road manager Dean Kilpatrick

So, the annular eclipse came and went. We always hear the warnings not to look directly at the sun during an eclipse but really, have you ever heard of someone getting permanent eye damage from it?

The Boston Bruins are still undefeated

Speaking of the Bruins, I’m actually excited about the Celtics this season. I may even watch some games, if I can stomach all the 3-point shots.

Execution, you’re doing it wrong: The November execution of a man on Idaho’s death row was delayed on Wednesday because the state’s parole board has granted a hearing to consider changing his sentence to life in prison. An Idaho judge last week issued a death warrant for Thomas Creech, the state’s longest-serving death row inmate. Creech was convicted of killing two people in Valley County in 1974 and sentenced to death. After an appeal, however, that sentence was reduced to life in prison. Less than 10 years later, he was convicted of beating another man in custody, David Jensen, to death with a sock full of batteries. Creech was sentenced to death for that crime in 1983.

WTF: Why does it seem so simple to me. If a quarterback is outside the pocket and about to take a sack, JUST THROW IT AWAY!

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The Pentagon announced that there have been more than 270 reports of unidentified anomalous phenomena, known as UAPs or UFOs, reported to the U.S. government in the past eight months. (Come on, people!)

Been down one time, been down two times, I’m never going back again.

Flag football was announced as an Olympic sport beginning in 2028. What next, pickleball?

Really??? Don’t miss the Season Ticket ‘Select a Seat’ event at Fenway Park on Sunday. This event will give fans the opportunity to take a first-hand look at available Season Ticket locations for the 2024 season! In addition, attendees will be able to walk through the visitor’s clubhouse, tunnel, and the third base dugout to get a photo with the 2004 and 2018 World Series trophies! The Red Sox state that the event is free; “however, we anticipate time slots filling up quickly.” – Ya, for the tour and pictures maybe!

It’s spooky movie season.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The Pentagon announced that there have been more than 270 reports of unidentified anomalous phenomena, known as UAPs or UFOs, reported to the U.S. government in the past eight months. (See what I did there?)

In his last three playoff series, Mookie Betts has batted .174 (2021 NLCS), .143 (2022 NLDS) and .000 (2023 NLDS).

Article I’ll skip: ‘Yellowstone’ chef shares Kevin Costner’s favorite meals, claims he’s a ‘picky eater’

Good news: A hospital in Nebraska that matches teenage suicide survivors with a “caring contact” says the program has seen positive results in preventing young patients from taking their own lives. The first-of-its-kind program provides follow-up care in the form of handwritten, personalized notes from the hospital’s social work staff after the teens are discharged. 

Trivia #1 answer: Who is the youngest player to hit a homerun in the World Series? – Andruw Jones, 19 years, 180 days.
Trivia #2: Who are the only two players to homer in their first two World Series at-bats? (Hint: One of them is the answer to question #1) – Andruw Jones (Braves in 1996) and Gene Tenace (Oakland in 1972)

I hate when people ask me what sign I am. I am obviously a sign from God. Stop with the stupid shit already.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Chicken and Waffles Day!

“Well I got that green light baby
I got to keep movin’ on
Well I got that green light baby
I got to keep movin’ on
Well I might go out to California
Might go down to Georgia
I don’t know”

– Lynyrd Skynyrd

Briefly.

Just when I think I have all my ducks in a row, one of the fluffy, little f*ckers wanders off and gets into some shit.

Trivia #1: On October 13, 1967, the first American Basketball Association (ABA) game is played with Oakland Oaks beating Anaheim Amigos 132-129. What two “things” were introduced in the game, one still used today in the NBA, one is not. Name the two.
Trivia #2: In 1976, David Bowie originally wrote “Golden Years” for whom? – Steve Wonder, Elvis Presley, Rod Stewart, Diana Ross, Paul Simon, Donna Summer
Trivia #3: What do Adolfus Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and Charles Manson all have in common?

Go away: Hamas

On this day: October 13, 1978, US President Jimmy Carter answers callers’ questions on National Public Radio. Ha, imagine that nowadays!
October 13, 1985, during the NLCS, Cardinals’ rookie Vince Coleman is injured stretching before the game as his left leg is caught in Busch Stadium’s automated tarpaulin.
October 13, 2016, American singer-songwriter Bob Dylan is awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature
October 13, 1987, West Indies scores 4-360 in 50 overs in Cricket World Cup vs. Sri Lanka

WTF: See above. 50 overs?!?!

Your Boston Bruins are undefeated.

Well, no Red Sox to root for and no Yankees to root against. Dodgers, see ya! I’m rooting now against Houston and for the Phillies.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Israel has warned the 1.1 million people living in the north of Gaza to evacuate the area within 24 hours as a “humanitarian step in order to minimize civilian casualties” ahead of the military’s response to Hamas’ terrorist attacks. Telling people to move south of the river makes the directions clear and understandable for everybody, regardless of if they have a map or not. Reportedly, Hamas is preventing Palestinians from evacuating the area.

Just not cut out for teaching: A Missouri high school teacher who was placed on leave after district officials found out she had an OnlyFans account has resigned and turned to her pornography career full-time.

Check out tomorrow’s annular solar eclipse, beginning in Oregon at 9:13 a.m. PST and from 11:30 a.m. until 1:15 p.m. EST, where roughly 20% of the sun will be obscured by the moon.

Leaves are fallin’ all around, time I was on my way…

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Boarderie, a cheese and charcuterie board assembly and shipping company based in West Palm Beach, assembled a record-breaking charcuterie board which measured 20 by 14 feet and was assembled by 40 Boarderie staff members.

You can catch Game 3 of the WNBA Finals on Sunday. Who knew the playoffs had even started?

In 2021, Simone Biles became the first woman to land the Yurchenko double pike vault at an international competition, ensuring that it will now be named the Biles II in her honor, and she just became the most decorated male or female gymnast ever, surpassing Belarusian Vitaly Scherbo’s record of 33 overall medals across both the Olympics and the world championships. You go, girl!

Stop complaining: You don’t live on the Gaza Strip. (What is going there is insane!)

Well, if you were a Patriots’ fan in the 70’s, we’ve come full circle. Hold on because it’s going to be a long ride.

Article I’ll skip: Prince William reveals one thing Kate Middleton does at home that makes him sweat.

R.I.P. Rudolph Isley (84) – Founding member of the Isley Brothers, the R&B band founded alongside his brothers, Ronald, Vernon and O’Kelly. The Isley Brothers were inducted into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame in 1992. The band also received the Grammy lifetime achievement award in 2014.

Good news: A Pennsylvania boy was rescued from a grain bin Monday afternoon after he was found almost entirely buried in corn.

Trivia #1 answer: On October 13, 1967, the first American Basketball Association (ABA) game is played with Oakland Oaks beating Anaheim Amigos 132-129. What two “things” were introduced in the game, one still used today in the NBA, one is not. Name the two. – A red, white and blue ball and the 3-point field goal.
Trivia #2 answer: In 1976, David Bowie originally wrote “Golden Years” for whom? – Steve Wonder, Elvis Presley, Rod Stewart, Diana Ross, Paul Simon, Donna Summer – Elvis Presley
Trivia #3: What do Adolfus Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and Charles Manson all have in common? – As with the lore of Friday the 13^th (today) and unlucky things associated with the number 13, some claim you are doomed if your name has 13 letters, as with this group.

Always be yourself… unless you can be a unicorn… then always be a unicorn.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National No Bra Day! (Let ‘em fly, baby!)

“I want you to know
I said, I want to know right now, yeah
You been good to me baby
Better than I been to myself, hey, hey
And if you ever leave me
I don’t want nobody else, hey, hey
I said I want you to know, hey
I said I want you to know right now, hey, hey

You know you make me wanna (Shout, whoo) hey, yeah”

– The Isley Bothers

Double Bonus Tune:

Briefly.

Monday: salad, Tuesday: salad, Wednesday: salad, Thursday: salad, Friday: salad, Saturday: 7 cinnamon rolls, 2 donuts, 2 pizzas, tacos, grilled cheese, 2 cheeseburgers, 7 beers, 3 bottles of wine,… Sunday: salad

Trivia #1: Michael Jordan won 6 NBA titles. How many did he win after he unretired in 1995?
Trivia #2: Of the top 5 in career Hat Tricks in the NHL (Gretzky (50), Lemieux (40), Bossy (39), Brett Hull (33), Esposito (32)), who played in the most seasons, who played in the fewest?
Trivia #3: What team was tight end Russ Francis traded to in 1982?
Trivia #4: What team drafted Tim Wakefield?
Trivia #5: Names the three Red Sox players who played more seasons with the team than Tim Wakefield.
Trivia #6: Who holds the longest streak in NFL history with 11 straight games with 2 or more passing touchdowns?

Go away: Taylor Swift (you didn’t hear me the first time)

On this day: October 6, 1893, Nabisco Foods invents Cream of Wheat

WTF: A feud between Wyoming neighbors allegedly boiled over to the point where a father and son now face felony charges for bleaching penis shapes on cows belonging to their neighbor.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The historic Italian city of Florence has banned platforms such as Airbnb from its historic city center in an effort to create more housing for locals after “disappointing” efforts to regulate short-term residential leasing. The 40,000 Florentines who live in the center are complaining about finding themselves, all of a sudden, living in apartment hotels. In 2016, the city had just under 6,000 apartments listed on Airbnb. Today, there are almost 14,378.

For the fifth straight time at the Ryder Cup, the home team won by five points or more. Unfortunately for Team USA, this year’s tournament wasn’t played in the states.

And I ain’t got no worries, cuz I ain’t in no hurry, at all.

Useless information, supposed to fire my imagination: Mega-brand, Charmin has announced a new design in its toilet paper for the first time in 100 years. The Ultra Soft rolls of toilet paper will have a new perforation line. The easy-tear paper will have scalloped edges in an effort to give consumers a simpler and smoother tear. Really? Do you any of you have difficulty tearing toilet paper???

Some things are better left unsaid, which what I realize right after I have said them.

Article I’ll skip: ‘Blind Side’ author points to new reason behind Michael Oher lawsuit

The Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays had fewer than 20,000 “fans” at their first playoff game of the season on Tuesday night, the fewest at a postseason game since 1919.

Having a beer, you’re doing it wrong: Sheriff’s deputies responding to reports of a California second-grade teacher who allegedly drove to school drunk said they saw her visibly impaired while teaching students Monday morning. Wendy Munson, 57, was charged with driving with a blood alcohol content of over .08 percent, drunk driving with alcohol, and child abuse with the possibility of great bodily injury. Munson was in the middle of teaching students when confronted her.

R.I.P. Russ Francis (70) – Former New England Patriots tight end died in a plane crash Sunday in Lake Placid, New York. Francis, 70, played 13 NFL seasons, including two stints in New England from 1975-80 and 1987-88. Francis made two All-Pro teams and three Pro Bowls during his career. In 1976, Howard Cosell referred to Francis as an “All-World” tight end.
R.I.P. Tim “Wake” Wakefield (57) – One of baseball’s greatest and last true knuckleball pitchers, “Wake” spent the last 17 seasons of his 19-year MLB career with the Red Sox. He was a member of nine postseason teams, and won rings with the club in 2004 and 2007. At 42 years old, he became a first-time All-Star in 2009, just two years before his final season. At the time of his retirement, he was the oldest active Major Leaguer. (I have read countless articles about what a great, stand-up guy Wake was.) From the Red Sox Foundation website: Tim Wakefield returned to the organization in 2013 as Honorary Chairman of the Red Sox Foundation and as a Special Assignment Instructor in the club’s baseball operations. His continuous efforts and commitment to the Red Sox Foundation have enhanced the success of the programs he is involved in.

R.I.P. Dick Butkus (80) – legendary Chicago Bears middlelinebacker and Chicago native. Voted to the Pro Bowl in his first 8 seasons and All-Pro in 7 of his 9 seasons. He was the NFL Defensive Player of the Year twice and elected into the Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility (79). NFL All Decade Team of the 60’s and 70’s, also named to the NFL’s 100th and 75th Anniversary Teams. His foundation supports the Butkus Award, The Dick Butkus Center for Cardiovascular Wellness and the “I Play Clean Campaign” helping high school students train and eat well without illegal steroids or performance-enhancing drugs.

Tastes great, less filling!

Good news: Talks have already begun about changing the name of Jersey St (next to Fenway Park) to Wakefield Way.

Trivia #1 answer: Michael Jordan won 6 NBA titles. How many did he win after he unretired in 1995? – 3
Trivia #2 answer: Of the top 5 in career Hat Tricks in the NHL (Gretzky (50), Lemieux (40), Bossy (39), Brett Hull (33), Esposito (32)), who played in the most seasons, who played in the fewest? – Gretzky, most (20), Bossy, fewest (10)
Trivia #3 answer: What team was tight end Russ Francis traded to in 1982? – San Francisco 49ers
Trivia #4 answer: What team drafted Tim Wakefield? – The Pittsburgh Pirates
Trivia #5 answer: Names the three Red Sox players who played more seasons with the team than Tim Wakefield. – Carl Yastrzemski, Dwight Evans, Ted Williams
Trivia #6 answer: Who holds the longest streak in NFL history with 11 straight games with 2 or more passing touchdowns? – Josh Allen (current with 11)

I ate a pot brownie last night and cooked a pizza at 15 degrees for 400 minutes.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Noodle Day!

“And there’s a girl in this harbor town
And she works layin’ whiskey down
They say “Brandy, fetch another round”
She serves them whiskey and wine”

– Looking Glass

Briefly.

Summer is over! It’s rainy, dark and cold. I hope you are happy, you pumpkin spice loving freaks!

Trivia #1: What MLB player has the won the most consecutive Gold Gloves at one position.
Trivia #2: What is a Halapoulivaati Vaitai?
Trivia #3: Who holds the single season rushing record in the NFL?

Mirror, mirror on the wall… what the hell happened!

Wow, what an instant classic last Saturday, Notre Dame/Ohio State!

Go away: Oh, I don’t know. I’m up in the White Mountains, not paying close enough attention.

On this day: September 29, 1829, the first units of the London Metropolitan Police (Bobbies) appear on the streets of the British capital, the city’s 1^st modern police force.
September 29, 1977, James Brown’s band walks out claiming they were underpaid and overworked.

WTF: A Florida teenager and her father were both struck by lightning Wednesday while they were hunting, killing the 16-year-old and injuring her dad.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: University of Colorado athletic director Rick George sent a letter to students imploring them to resist the urge to storm the field at future Buffaloes games at Folsom Field. George’s message to students comes just days ahead of Colorado’s highly anticipated matchup against the eight-ranked USC. (Lighten up, Francis)

BTW, last week: Oregon 42, Colorado 6… Ha!

Good news: A retailer in England has taken matters into its own hands to help eliminate waste in the world. Zero Green is a sustainable store in Bristol, England that’s known for being a zero-waste shop — in every respect. The store introduced edible coffee cups (made of wheat and barley) to its menu so customers can drink their coffee in a wafer cup, then eat it.

The Atlanta Braves Ronald Acuna Jr. just became the first player in MLB history with at least 40 homeruns and 70 stolen bases. Wowza!

Speaking of baseball, Dusty Baker is still coaching!

Article I’ll skip: Reason why you don’t see Rory McIlroy’s wife anymore

R.I.P. Brooks Robinson (86) – Hall of Fame third baseman and one of the most beloved and accomplished athletes in Baltimore history. Robinson participated in 18 all-star games and was the 1964 AL Most Valuable Player. The “Human Vacuum Cleaner” (and “Mr. Oriole”) won 16 consecutive Gold Gloves. Robinson was elected into the Hall of Fame on the first ballot in 1983. In 1999, he was named to baseball’s All-Century team, which honored the best 25 players of the 20th century. His No. 5 is one of just six jerseys retired by the Orioles franchise.

Speaking of Baltimore, last night the Baltimore Orioles clinched the AL East, their first division title since 2014. Also, last night Baltimore’s triple A affiliation, the Norfolk Tides, won their first International League Championship since 1985!

Oh, and the Red Sox have clinched having a losing record.

Trivia #1 answer: What MLB player has the won the most consecutive Gold Gloves at one position. – pitcher Greg Maddux (18)
Trivia #2 answer: What is a Halapoulivaati Vaitai? – He is an offensive guard for the Detroit Lions
Trivia #3 answer: Who holds the single season rushing record in the NFL? – Eric Dickerson

I’m sorry for all the mean, awful, accurate things I said.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National VFW Day!

“When I hold you in my arms
I know that I can’t do no wrong
And when I hold you in my arms
My love won’t do you no harm

And I feel nice
Like sugar and spice
I feel nice
Like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, I got you”

– James Brown

Briefly.

Dear NFL, I hate your 8pm games. Seriously, I’m too old for this shit.

Trivia #1: T.J. Watt set the Steelers all-time record for sacks this past Monday with 81.5. Which of the following players is NOT in the top 5 for Steelers’ sacks? – L.C. Greenwood, Cameron Heyward, Joey Porter, Joe Greene, James Harrison
Trivia #2: On September 22, 1692, the last people (8) were hanged for witchcraft in Salem, MA. How many were hanged overall for witchcraft? – 10, 13, 15, 19, 21, 25
Trivia #3: Name the three actresses who comprised the television series “Charlie’s Angels.”
Trivia #4: Who won the 2002 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2002)?

Sex with a 50-year-old is much like sex with a 20-year-old except it is less likely to turn into child support payments.

Go away: Deion Sanders

On this day: September 22, 1976, the debut of the TV drama “Charlie’s Angels”
September 22, 1983, The Everly Brothers reunite after 10 years apart in concert at the Royal Albert Hall, London
September 22, 1985, the first Farm Aid Benefit Concert

The LA Chargers have scored 58 points in their first two games this season and have committed zero turnovers. They are 0-2.

Don’t put energy into people that won’t put energy into you.

WTF: In a desperate attempt to attract fans, tonight the Red Sox are hosting ‘Barbie Night at Kenway Park.’ I imagine people who don’t know a baseball from an acorn will flock to Fenway for an “exclusive” Barbie X Red Sox T-shirt.

If you haven’t seen the picture of Nick Chubb’s injury, don’t look it up. You gotta feel bad for the guy.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The death of a Massachusetts teenager after his family said he ate an extremely spicy tortilla chip has led to an outpouring of concern about the social media challenge and prompted retailers to pull the product from their shelves at the manufacturer’s request. The family has blamed the One Chip Challenge for the teen’s death.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The Jets haven’t beaten the Patriots since 2015. (Hmmm, I suspect gamblers value this information???)

5 years, $275 million, you’re doing it wrong! After signing his record contract, Cincinnati Bengals’ quarterback Joe Burrow has the team at 0-2 with a QB rating of 70.6. 

DYK: In the U.S., a person has a stroke every 40 seconds.

Article I’ll skip: Cindy Crawford calls out Oprah for treating her like ‘chattel’ when she was a young model

R.I.P. Gary Simard (44) – Gary drowned yesterday after jumping into to the water Wednesday at Salisbury Beach (MA) in an attempt to save his 13-year-old son who had been pulled out by the rip tide. Gary leaves his partner and mother of his children, and four children.

Good news: Gary’s son was rescued from the water by a stander-by, good Samaritan

Trivia #1 answer: T.J. Watt set the Steelers all-time record for sacks this past Monday with 81.5. Which of the following players is NOT in the top 5 for Steelers’ sacks? – L.C. Greenwood, Cameron Heyward, Joey Porter, Joe Greene, James Harrison – Joey Porter is #7 on the list
Trivia #2 answer: On September 22, 1692, the last people (8) were hanged for witchcraft in Salem, MA. How many were hanged overall for witchcraft? – 10, 13, 15, 19, 21, 25 – 19 in total
Trivia #3 answer: Name the three actresses who comprised the television series “Charlie’s Angels.” – Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith
Trivia #4 answer: Who won the 2002 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2002)? – Detroit Red Wings (NHL), LA Lakers (NBA), Anaheim Angels (MLB), New England Patriots (NFL)

Ask your doctor if shutting the f*k up is right for you.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Ice Cream Cone Day!

“I’m-a through with romance, I’m-a through with love
I’m through with a-countin’ the stars above
And here’s the reason that I’m so free
My lovin’ baby is through with me”

– The Everly Brothers

Bonus: Farm Aid 1985

Briefly.

Daughter: “Mom, I’m dating our neighbor.”
Mom: “He could be your father.”
Daughter: “Oh Mom, age is just a number.”
Mom: “No… I don’t think you understand.”

Trivia #1: The Philadelphia Eagles led the NFL with 70 sacks last year. Only three other teams have ever had 70 or more sacks in a single season. Who are they? Hint: The years it was done were 1984, 1987 and 1989.
Trivia #2: What NFL running back has 561 pass blocks since 2016, which is more than 100 more than any other running back during that span?
Trivia #3: US Air Mail Service (NYC to San Francisco) began in what year? – 1916, 1918, 1920, 1922, 1924
Trivia #4: On September 8, 2002, the Houston Texans beat the Dallas Cowboys to become just the second expansion team to win its inaugural game. Who was the other team to accomplish the feat.

Interested in time travel? Meet me here last Thursday at 7pm.

Go away: Kansas City Chiefs

Celebrating your Championship, you’re doing it wrong: The Kansas City Chiefs raised their championship banner from this past February’s Super Bowl win, and promptly got upset by the Detroit Lions. DOH!

Oh, you big baseball fans in Florida. The Rays are going to the playoffs and still could win the division, and they just completed a series with one of their bigger rivals, our beloved Red Sox. Still, attendance was under 20K on Tuesday and Wednesday nights combined.

Speaking of baseball, the Twins’ third baseman Royce Lewis just had an 8-game span from August 27 through September 4 that included 5 homeruns (3 of which were grand slams!) and 19 RBI. Lewis was the first pick of the 2017 MLB draft.

On this day: September 8, 1960, Alfred’s Hitchcock’s “Psycho” was released. Also, on September 8, 2016, a giraffe DNA study published in “Current Biology” revealed there are 4 species not just 1, as previously assumed.

Stop complaining: Unless you have lived in New England this past week and don’t have air conditioning, or are a Kansas City Chiefs fan.

They said it: “The Patriots will win only 6 or 7 games this season.” – Me, being unusually pessimistic.

They said it, part deux: “If life gives you lemons, make margaritas.” – Jimmy Buffet

Celebrating your own bobblehead night, you’re doing it wrong: The Los Angeles Dodgers canceled Julio Urías’ bobblehead night as he was placed on administrative leave following the pitcher’s arrest over the weekend. Urías was placed on administrative leave earlier Wednesday after he was arrested on suspicion of corporal injury on a spouse or cohabitant.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: Snapchat, the social platform rolled out its new generative A.I.-powered feature called Dreams in Australia and New Zealand, giving users the ability to edit selfies and create “fantastical images that transform their persona into new identities.”

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: On September 8, 2016, giraffe DNA study published in “Current Biology” reveals there are 4 species not just 1, as previously assumed.

Good News: The Kansas City Chiefs lost last night’s opener.

Article I’ll skip: Howard Stern admits fear of new COVID strain caused fights with his wife

R.I.P. James William “Jimmy” Buffet – American singer-songwriter, musician, author, and businessman. He was best known for his tropical rock music, which often portrays a lifestyle described as “island escapism”.

Trivia #1 answer: The Philadelphia Eagles led the NFL with 70 sacks last year. Only three other teams have ever had 70 or more sacks in a single season. Who are they? Hint: The years it was done were 1984, 1987 and 1989. – Chicago (1984 & 1987) and Minnesota (1989)
Trivia #2 answer: What NFL running back has 561 pass blocks since 2016, which is more than 100 more than any other running back during that span? – Ezekiel Elliott (Giovanni Bernard is second with 446)
Trivia #3 answer: US Air Mail Service (NYC to San Francisco) began in what year? – 1916, 1918, 1920, 1922, 1924 – US Air Mail Service began in 1920
Trivia #4 answer: On September 8, 2002, the Houston Texans beat the Dallas Cowboys to become just the second expansion team to win its inaugural game. Who was the other to accomplish the feat? – the Minnesota Vikings in 1961

Legal gun owners have 300 million guns and probably a trillion rounds of ammo. If they were the problem, you’d know it.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day!

“She came down from Cincinnati
It took her three days on the train
Lookin’ for some peace and quiet;
Hoped to see the sun again
But she lives down by the ocean.
She’s takin’ care to look for sharks.
They hang out in the local bars,
And they feed right after dark.”

– Jimmy Buffet

Good night everybody!!!!

Briefly.

Fun football fact: JFK has only missed one Detroit Lions playoff victory.

Trivia #1: Who is Masanori Murakami?
Trivia #2: The record for the largest attendance at a women’s sporting event (92,003) was recently broken. What was the sport? – Volleyball, Soccer, Basketball, Track & Field, Field Hockey, Mud Wrestling
Trivia #3: Who is Louis Lappe?
Trivia $4: Dan Marino led the NFL in passing yards in 1984, 1985, 1986 and 1988. Who was the passing yards leader in 1987? – Boomer Esiason, John Elway, Bernie Kosar, Joe Montana, Jim Kelly, Warren Moon, Neil Lomax

September already, damn!

College football is well under way and, by this time next week, the NFL will have kicked off its season… baby!

In every relationship there is one person who stacks the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and one who stacks it like a racoon on crystal meth.

Go away: Mookie Betts and Bailey Zappe. Look, Mookie Betts is a great player, OK, but I’m glad he’s left town. He’s no longer a Red Sox, go away. As for Bailey Zappe, get over it, Pats’ fans. Not that I’m a huge Mac Jones fan but Zappe is a/the backup, he’s nothing more.

On this day: September 1, 1931, the Yankees’ Lou Gehrig hit his 3^rd grand slam in 4 days and 6^th homerun in consecutive days. Impressive!
September 1, 1995, The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opened in Cleveland, Ohio. DYK: Warren Zevon is still not a member

WTF! As cases of COVID-19 start to spike again, hospitals across the country are reinstating their mask mandates.

It’s coming… football season is coming!

Stop complaining: Unless you live in southeastern U.S. and were affected by Idalia, stop complaining.

The Red Sox are 4 games over .500 (69-65), 14.5 games back in the AL East and 6.5 games back in the Wild Card race but hey… they’re 4 games ahead of the Yankees!

They said it: “If kids knew what they wanted to be at age eight, the world would be filled with cowboys and Indians. I wanted to be a pirate. Thank God nobody took me seriously and scheduled me for eye removal and peg leg surgery.” – Comedian Bill Maher

Joe Montana says that Dan Marino is the “best” quarterback of all time. OK, Joe.

I love it! Eunice Davidson, co-founder and president of the Native American Guardians Association (NAGA), headquartered in North Dakota, is leading a viral petition demanding the Washington Commanders reclaim their historic Redskins name.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The Pentagon announced the launch of a new website with the All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO), which will provide the public with declassified information about UFOs, or what the government calls unidentified anomalous phenomena (UAPs). Great, something else the government is coming out with to scare the piss out of the public.

Headline of the week: Woman stabbed grandfather in face after grandparents ‘asked her to shower’: Police

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: The Red Sox have the hardest remaining schedule. Really, does it matter?

Good News: The WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon raised $4,070,760 last week! The Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon has raised over $70 million since 2002 to help strike out cancer.

Article I’ll skip: Survey finds not everybody is wild about the current AI craze

Trivia #1 answer: Who is Masanori Murakami? – He was the first Japanese-born player to appear in MLB (San Francisco Giants). The Osuki native threw a scoreless inning in his September 1, 1964 debut.
Trivia #2 answer: The record for the largest attendance at a women’s sporting event (92,003) was recently broken. What was the sport? – Volleyball, Soccer, Basketball, Track & Field, Field Hockey, Mud Wrestling – The Nebraska Cornhuskers’ women’s volleyball team set the record playing outdoors at Memorial Stadium
Trivia #3 answer: Who is Louis Lappe? – Louis hit a walk-off homerun for El Segundo (CA) to win the Little League World Series over Curacao, 6-5, last weekend. Curacao had tied the game at 5-5 with the grand slam in the 5^th inning. Quite a game!
Trivia $4 answer: Dan Marino led the NFL in passing yards in 1984, 1985, 1986 and 1988. Who was the passing yards leader in 1987? – Boomer Esiason, John Elway, Bernie Kosar, Joe Montana, Jim Kelly, Warren Moon, Neil Lomax – Neil Lomax (STL)

What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.? E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Acne Positivity Day!

“She likes wearing lipstick
She likes French cuisine
But she won’t let me use my passion
Unless it’s in a limousine

She got me under pressure
She got me under pressure”

– ZZ Top

Double-bonus video

Briefly.

Me, on the phone: “Is this the helpline for alcoholics?”
“Yes, it is.”
Me: “How do you make a mojito?”

Trivia #1: Who won the FedEx Cup Championship in 2010? – Brandt Snedeker, Jim Furyk, Bill Haas, Tiger Woods, Henrik Stenson, Dane Hubbard
Trivia #2: Who won the 2018 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2018)?

I get the whole “gender reveal” thing, I guess. But I was thinking… in today’s world, maybe parents should have one for their kid every 5 years or so…

On this day: August 25, 1970, Elton John made his 1^st US appearance (Troubador, West Hollywood, Los Angeles, CA)

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: The lowest wage that Americans are willing to take in order to accept a new job hit a record high this year. The average “reservation wage” – or the minimum acceptable salary offer required for workers to switch jobs – hit $78,645 during the second quarter of 2023. Note: Whatever happened to the days when you were just happy to get a job?!

WTF! Angelina Tran, a 21-year-old University of Washington student, died as a result of her injuries on Aug 7. She was stabbed 107 times! Her stepfather, Nghiep Kein Chau, is charged with first-degree murder and attempted first-degree murder in connection with the attacks against Tran and her mother – all of which was captured on a home surveillance camera.

Have you heard about, or seen video of “Banana Ball?” What a scream! Check it out. I think the best “rule” is that there are no walks. Instead, at ball four, the runner takes off for first base. He runs until he is tagged out, potentially coming all the way around to score. Every player on defense needs to touch the ball before the runner can be tagged out! Hilarious!

It’s coming… football season is coming!

Stop complaining: The Lahaina wildfire burned approximately 2,170 acres, or about 3.4 square miles. It is about 90% contained.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse: For the first time in two decades, Bud Light is not the best-selling beer in America. Modelo Especial, which is owned by Constellation Brands, has surpassed Bud Light in year-to-date sales. It comes several months after the Anheuser-Busch brand started facing a backlash from partnering with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney. But it’s the first time that Modelo is taking over for Bud and potentially for the whole year. 

Instead of a condom I carry a moist towelette in my wallet. I find I run into chicken wings more often than sex.

Useless information supposed to fire my imagination: Donald Trump is 6’3”, 215 lbs.

Good News: The son of a fallen Utah police officer was escorted to his first day of kindergarten on Monday by his mom and a group of what the South Salt Lake Police Department called “fill in ‘Dads’” who stood in for his father.

Article I’ll skip: The juicy details behind Taylor Swift’s wild wedding weekend revealed.

Trivia #1 answer: Who won the FedEx Cup Championship in 2010? – Brandt Snedeker, Jim Furyk, Bill Haas, Tiger Woods, Henrik Stenson, Dane Hubbard – Jim Furyk
Trivia #2 answer: Who won the 2018 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 2018)? – NHL (Washington Capitals), NBA (Golden State Warriors), MLB (Boston Red Sox), NFL (Philadelphia Eagles)

My wife told me I should act more my age. So I do, only first I convert to Celsius.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Banana Split Day!

“Oh, Philadelphia freedom
Shine on me, I love ya
Shine a light through the eyes of the ones left behind
Shine a light, shine the light
Shine the light, won’t you shine the light?
Philadelphia freedom, I love ya
Yes, I do”

– Elton John

In honor of Banana Split Day!

Briefly.

Dear Bill Collectors, I know I owe you, but I have some good news. I typed “AMEN” on a Facebook post and in 48 hours I will get a ton of money, so when I get it, I’ll pay you!

Trivia #1: What are the odds of the average golfer making a hole-in-one, according to the National Hole-In-One Registry and as cited by the Professional Golf Association (PGA)? – 5,000 in 1, 12,500 in 1, 22,550 in 1, 40,000 in 1, 65,500 in 1
Trivia #2: What school did the fictitious Fawn Liebowitz attend?
Trivia #3: Who won the 1977 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 1977)?

Fun camping fact: When staying at a public campground, a banjo placed on the picnic table will keep the campsites on either side of you vacant.

On this day: August 18, 1955, over 18 inches of rain fell in Westfield, Massachusetts. Sound familiar???
August 18, 1967, Boston Red Sox Tony Conigliaro is beaned by Angels Jack Hamilton at Fenway Park; injuries including a fractured cheekbone, dislocated jaw, and eye damage that kept him from returning for a year and a half, and led to improvements in batting helmets.

WTF! Headline: Personal financial explains how to prepare for the end of the federal student loan pause – honestly, I had to read this multiple times

The Red Sox stink, blah-blah-blah… but hey, the Yankees are worse!

Quarterback Tyler Buchner transferred from Notre Dame to Alabama in 2023. He must got tired of doing homework.

Stop complaining: Google pictures from the devastation in Maui. Believe me, you’ll stop complaining. Note: I have found, through my extensive research, that google.com is the best way to google things on the internet. Hey, I’m here to help.

Deadliest US wildfire in over a century. One particular wildfire in Lahaina traveled at more than one mile per minute with winds gusting between 60-81 miles per hour. 99 deaths, 1,418 at shelters.

They said it: “Winning a championship was so much more rewarding as an executive than winning as a player.” – Danny Ainge

Good News: Amazon Pharmacy will release coupons that will automatically bring down the cost of insulin on more than a dozen insulin and diabetes care brands. The move will effectively help patients using the online pharmacy access discounts for the critical diabetes medicine that major drugmakers had promised to offer earlier this year.

Wanna feel old? The Red Sox first signed Rafael Devers 10 years ago.

More good news. 160 families in Hawaii are offering to share their houses with other people/families who have been displaced by the wildfires.

Headline of the week: Super Bowl champ Sony Michel refutes report he died

Article I’ll skip: Another explosive revelation emerges in bitter “Blind Side” legal battle. (Until this all comes out in the wash, I am already done with hearing from both sides)

Trivia #1 answer: What are the odds of the average golfer making a hole-in-one, according to the National Hole-In-One Registry and as cited by the Professional Golf Association (PGA)? – 5,000 in 1, 12,500 in 1, 22,550 in 1, 40,000 in 1, 65,500 in 1 – The odds are 12,500 in 1
Trivia #2 answer: What school did the fictitious Fawn Liebowitz attend? – Emily Dickinson College
Trivia #3 answer: Who won the 1977 championships in the NHL, NBA, MLB and the NFL (Super Bowl played in 1977)? – NHL (Montreal Canadiens), NBA (Portland Trailblazer), MLB (New York Yankees), NFL (Oakland Raiders)

It’s about time to break out the 32-piece camping set. One campfire, one folding chair and 30 beers.

Be careful out there. (It’s a jungle!)

Happy National Fajita Day!

“Well, I was feeling sort of bad now
Asked my family doctor about what I had
I said, “Doctor, Doctor, mister M.D. (doctor)
Can you tell me (doctor), what’s ailing me? (doctor)

He said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”
All you need, all you really need: good loving”

– The Grateful Dead